David Brett Williams
  • About David
    • About David
    • Start here
    • Contact David
  • Podcast
  • Blog
  • Resources
    • Boost Your Strengths
    • Boosting Your Resilience
  • Work With David
    • keynote speaker
    • Motivational Speaker
  • Shop
    • Mentoring
    • Online seminar
  • About David
    • About David
    • Start here
    • Contact David
  • Podcast
  • Blog
  • Resources
    • Boost Your Strengths
    • Boosting Your Resilience
  • Work With David
    • keynote speaker
    • Motivational Speaker
  • Shop
    • Mentoring
    • Online seminar
  •  
  • 0

Live an outstanding life

Home / Posts Tagged "Live an outstanding life"

Tag: Live an outstanding life

Get Wise: Make Better Decisions in 15 Minutes

Am I the only person that has made bad decisions? There are mistakes in the fullness of time that I have come to regret. And there are some that I have come to regret terribly and immediately.

I am not alone.

We have all made regretful decisions.

Some of us, I might be referring to myself here, have repeated the same mistake over and over and over again.

Never seem to learn from it.

This poem from Portia Nelson sums it up pretty well so it can’t just be me who repeats the same mistake.

“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost, I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it and I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”

Portia Nelson, There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery

Having fallen into the same hole more times than I care to remember I decided to learn how wise people make decisions so I could stop making bad ones.

On the surface, this sounds easy. But if I asked you to assess how wise a person was what qualities would you consider?

A lot of people would suggest intelligence.

Does greater intelligence make you wise?

I used to think that intelligence and wisdom went hand in hand.

It just seemed that it should.

People with IQ’s so high that you are afraid to speak for fear of sounding dumb in front of them should also be wise.

Come on, if they can explain Einstein’s Theory of Relativity in minute detail – putting you to sleep in the process – then they should be able to come up with great suggestions when you ask them how to help a mutual friend that is struggling.

But a wisdom question, like that, baffles them.

My definition of wise changed. Now I think of wisdom as something that’s hard to define yet somehow I know it when I see it.

Get Wise: Make Better Decisions in 15 Minutes

“Neither a wise man nor a brave man lies down on the tracks of history to wait for the train of the future to run over him.” – Dwight D. Eisenhower

Is it possible that we can get wise? Or at least wiser? Studies show that wisdom can be cultivated.

And there are potentially massive pay-offs if we get wise. Wise people are better able to deal with challenges, such as declining health and the loss of loved ones. This results in wise people enjoying greater well-being as they age.

So what is wisdom? It is the ability to make sound judgments and choices based on experience.

Every great philosophical and religious tradition, from Aristotle to Confucius and Christianity to Judaism, Islam to Buddhism, and Taoism to Hinduism considers wisdom to be a virtue. Click To Tweet

I don’t need any more convincing that I need to get wise.

What does it take to develop wisdom?

I used my science geek skills to look at a study by psychologists Paul Baltes and Ursula Staudinger.

They asked a group of leading journalists to nominate public figures who they felt showed wisdom.

This group was narrowed down to a smaller group of people who were widely viewed as possessing wisdom.

This was a group of accomplished civic leaders, theologians, scientists, and cultural icons.

These wise people got compared to a control group of professionals who were successful but not nominated as wise (these included lawyers, doctors, teachers, scientists, and managers).

Related Post: How To Find Inspiration With Four Simple Thoughts

Both groups answered questions that gave them a chance to demonstrate their wisdom.

For example, what advice would they give to a widowed mother facing a choice between shutting down her business and supporting her son and grandchildren?

How would they respond to a call from a severely depressed friend?

A panel of experts evaluated their answers, and the results reveal six insights about what differentiates the wise people from the rest of us.

Does age make you wiser?

Afraid not! The people with the highest wisdom scores are just as likely to be 30 as 60.

It turns out that the number of life experiences has little to do with the quality of those experiences.

According to the data, between ages 25 to 75, the correlation between age and wisdom is zero. So, age and wisdom are independent of each other.

Further research shows that intelligence only accounts for about 2% of the variance in wisdom. In other words, people with high IQ’s who are great at processing complex information may struggle to find a sensible solution to a problem.

Get Wise: Make Better Decisions in 15 Minutes

“A wise woman wishes to be no one’s enemy; a wise woman refuses to be anyone’s victim.” – Maya Angelou

Cultivating wisdom is a deliberate choice that people can make regardless of age and intelligence.

Action Point: To get wiser take time to reflect on the lessons you gained from each experience.

Sit by yourself for a few minutes and review all information you have in light of the outcome you got.

What information did you focus on? And what information, in hindsight, should you have focused on?

Follow this action point and the next four to learn how to get wiser.

How do you see the world?

Imagine meeting a 15-year-old girl who plans to get married next week. What would you tell her?

Here’s a response that scored low in wisdom: “A 15-year-old girl wants to get married? No, no way, marrying at age 15 would be utterly wrong. One has to tell the girl that marriage is not possible. It would be irresponsible to support such an idea. No, this is just a crazy idea.”

You may find Five Ways To Be Successful By The Founder Of McDonalds helpful too.

In contrast, wise people embraced nuance and multiple perspectives.

 

Consider one answer that received high marks for wisdom: “Well, on the surface, this seems like an easy problem. On average, marriage for 15-year-old girls is not a good thing. But there are situations where the average case does not fit.

There is a chance that special life circumstances are involved. For example, the girl may have a terminal illness or has just lost her parents.

And also, the girl may live in another culture or historical period. Perhaps she was raised with a value system different from ours. Also, one has to think about adequate ways of talking with the girl and to consider her emotional state.”

Wise people specialise in what experts call integrative thinking – “the capacity to hold two diametrically opposing ideas in their heads”- and reconcile them for the situation at hand.

To get wiser look at the world as not just black and white but as many shades of grey. Click To Tweet

Action Point: Before making a decision, ask yourself what the special circumstances that I am missing on first glance are?

Do others have to lose for me to win?

If all I focus on and pursue are my gains, the only way that they will be achieved is at the expense of others.

This ends up destroying relationships and reputations.

As psychologist Robert Sternberg puts it: “wisdom and egocentricity are incompatible…people who have gotten where they are by not taking other people’s interests into account or even by actively thwarting the interests of others…would not be viewed as wise.”

This doesn’t mean that wise people are self-sacrificing.

It’s neither healthy nor productive to be incredibly altruistic or incredibly selfish.

Remember the onboard briefing that you get on a plane; people who fail to secure their oxygen masks before assisting others to end up running out of air.

Action Point: Reject the mindset that the world is a win or lose place. Seek to find ways to benefit others that also advance your objectives.

Do you challenge the status quo?

Instead of accepting things as they have always been, wise people are willing to question the rules.

In Practical Wisdom, psychologist Barry Schwartz and political scientist Kenneth Sharpe describe a Philadelphia man convicted of holding up a taxi driver with a gun.

The sentencing guidelines called for two to five years in jail, but the facts of the case didn’t fit: the man used a toy gun, it was his first offence, he had just lost his job, and he stole $50 to support his family.

A wise judge gave him a shorter sentence and permission to hold a job outside of jail during the day so that he could take care of his family – and required him to repay the $50.

Action Point: Before committing to a decision ask, is there a better way?

Is your focus on judging or understanding?

This goes hand in hand with seeing the world in black and white or right and wrong.

Many of us adopt the role of judge, jury and even executioner.

We are passing judgment on the actions of others so that we can sort them into categories of right and wrong or good and bad.

You may find the How To Be The Best Version Of Me helpful too.

Psychologist Ellen Langer says “Behavior makes sense from the actors’ perspective, or else they wouldn’t do it.”

Get Wise: Make Better Decisions in 15 Minutes

“A smart man makes a mistake, learns from it, and never makes that mistake again. But a wise man finds a smart man and learns from him how to avoid the mistake altogether. – Roy H. Williams

Over time, this emphasis on understanding rather than evaluating yields an advantage in predicting others’ actions, enabling wise people to offer better advice to others and make better choices themselves.

Action Point: Operate like a detective whose goal is to explain other people’s behaviours.

Resist the impulse to pass judgement.

Putting it all together.

Wisdom requires critical self-reflection and a long-term view.

Wise people recognise that just as today’s cloud can have a silver lining tomorrow, tomorrow’s silver lining can become next week’s torment.

However, there was a definite psychological benefit of wisdom: a stronger sense of purpose in life.

This may involve putting what makes us happy on the back burner in our quest for meaning and significance

  • 3 August, 2020
  • Professional Development
  • More

Easy Ways To Make A Big Change In Your Life

My right foot slowly nudged my bedroom door open, and I had to stop. Clothes were spewing out in two dozen different directions all over the floor.

Waistbands of tracksuit bottoms were trying to explode from underneath the bed. There was no way to walk in without stepping on something. And I spied the faint outline of a running shoe underneath a pile of crumpled tee shirts.

My disbelief lasted for at least three commercials. Then I heard Cerce Lannister call to me from the iron throne.

After wrestling with a mountain of clothes, I managed to close the door. I flung myself back on the couch, feeling faint and slightly exhausted.

I will tidy my bedroom soon. Definitely. Maybe even tomorrow night. I promise.

Procrastination stifles goals

Procrastination kicks in when our goals are greater than our energy levels, our time and even sometimes, greater than our courage. Click To Tweet

When we look at something that seems insurmountable, it is easy to stuff everything back under the bed or into a closet and shut the door. Just close that door, again.

Easy Ways To Make A Big Change In Your Life

“Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases and its toll on success and happiness is heavy.” – Wayne Gretzky

It’s the same way with pretty much everything we want to change in our lives.

We imagine our ultimate end goal, running a marathon let’s say. But when we see ourselves at the first mile, we are already exhausted by our thoughts and drowning in our stress sweat.

It doesn’t have to be that way. Find out how to cure your procrastination HERE.

The realisation that John Snow eating a rabbit in the woods and the Red Witch looking at herself in a mirror is a pathetic excuse for not doing what needs to be done hit me. Off goes Game Of Thrones and I started to deal with my mess piece by piece.

This post has six pieces of advice to help you find the courage, motivation, momentum, support and perspective to leap into the unknown.

What is your motivation to change

When deciding to make a change, you must first identify and understand what you want to change. In essence, what are your reasons for making the change in the first place?

Associate Professor Anthony Grant, from the University of Sydney, suggests you should start by identifying what is important to you. This means defining your core values.

Easy Ways To Make A Big Change In Your Life

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” – Barack Obama

Grant suggest you need to be able to identify what about your goal that makes you feel better and more expansive. What about your goal adds to you as a person?

The logical premise is that when your core values and goal align, thinking of your goal will trigger a positive gut feeling.

Practice getting outside your comfort zone

I used to dread the uncertainty that comes with change. And that was one of the main reasons I used to avoid change. Because when you make a change, you don’t know what will happen.

Related Post: How To Become The Best Version Of You in 2018

If we let this fear stop us, we may never create the opportunities to experience some of life’s most fulfilling experiences.

A simple way I found to fight this fear is to practice doing more things that scare me. Think of it like exercise: when we do more things that scare us we are strengthening our emotional muscles.

Imagine how it will look after the change

For many of us, the idea of making a change brings up feelings of fear and discomfort. It takes a lot of motivation to push past those emotional obstacles and keep going.

In these moments, having a clear picture of how much better things will be on the other side can spur us on.

Suggestion: Jump forward in time and imagine a day after you have reached your goal. Write down three ways that day will be awesome. Make it as sensory-rich as possible.

 

Most of us respond well to visual stimulation so you might want to find a few images that represent how that day will be outstanding. For me, a song can make it more sensory-rich. Other people might associate a smell. The sweet smell of success. Do whatever makes it compelling for you.

Take one small step, and then another

Taking action, however, small a step it is will boost your energy and optimism. Identify one small, manageable thing you can do today to move toward your goal. Then take action and do it.

Take a moment to notice the positive feelings you experience when you take action on your behalf.

Now take another small step forward. Before you know it, change starts to happen.

As the saying from Lao Tzu goes, “Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” Contemplating the enormity of all that’s before you isn’t going to propel you forward.

Change a matter of perspective

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” – Wayne Dyer

The primary motivator that leads us to keep on persevering is taking baby steps. When we look at the big picture, we can get overwhelmed with all the intricate stages involved in achieving that goal.

Alternatively, try breaking the big picture goal down into manageable and systematic baby steps. And then work your butt off to achieve them.

Celebrate and document your wins on a regular basis. I suggest you do it daily. The achievement of your baby step goals will help you achieve the change that you’ve been seeking.

Being in the moment

There is a saying from Karen Salmansohn that illustrates this point very well, “The grass is always greener on the other side – until you get there and see it’s AstroTurf. Symbols are never reality. Someone might have amassed material success and fame, but that doesn’t mean they’re happy. So, don’t go judging a person’s life by the cover.”

How many of think that the grass is greener on the other side? Often, when we get to the other side, we find that this is not true.

Our desire to be happy provides the motivation to change our lives. Too frequently, we are so busy focusing on our pursuit of happiness that we miss the joy of actually being in the moment.

When we become consumed by all our challenges, problems and unhappiness in the present, we miss the precious beauty of being in the moment. Click To Tweet

An attitude of gratitude

Sitting on a bench eating an ice-cream or walking in a park with a friend is a moment of happiness. Appreciating and showing gratitude on a daily basis is experiencing happiness in the moment.

This is what living our life in the moment is all about. Don’t miss these moments because you are too busy focusing on your pursuit of happiness.

Easy Ways To Make A Big Change In Your Life

“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” – William Arthur Ward

We all possess a tendency to resist change. But that doesn’t have to be the case. Change is beneficial for us in both our personal and professional lives. It exposes us to new experiences and people and makes us more flexible and opens up the doors to more opportunities.

Suggestion: Write down one thing that are committed to doing in the next week that scares you or at the least makes you feel uncomfortable.
It can be rock-climbing, saying “no” to someone, or going out to a movie or dinner alone.

And then do it again next month. And the month after that. Then you  keep on until you embrace change and look forward to it.

Now get out there and live an OUTSTANDING life.

  • 27 July, 2020
  • Personal Development
  • More

A Positive Outlook Can Add Years To Your Life

I worked with a guy who was always so positive that it got annoying at times. He had this zest for life that didn’t stop.

Nothing ever seemed to get Andy down.

From the first moment in the morning that I saw him to the time he went home, he would tell me and everyone else.

“Look on the sunny side of life.”

Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day. Click To Tweet

“See the glass as half-full, not half-empty.”

He had dozens of phrases like these, hallmarks of his optimism and positive outlook on life.

man with positive outlook

“I am not trendy. I am not ‘in fashion.’ I am simply a positive human being who has a positive outlook on life.” – Thierry Mugler

He was trying to change people’s moods, to lift their spirits.

While I tend to regard myself as a positive person, sometimes it can be hard to look on the bright side of life.

I didn’t always appreciate his upbeat approach.

I owe him an apology. It turns out he was doing more than lifting my spirits.

Researchers are finding that thoughts like these can not only improve health but also extend life.

 

Benefits of a positive outlook

There can’t be any doubt that the brain influences the body. Our thought processes, in particular, our mindset, affects how our body works and the processes that happen within it.

When facing any health-related crisis, it has been demonstrated many times that cultivating positive emotions boosts the immune system and counters depression.

There is a significant link between a positive outlook and health benefits. Things like healthier blood sugar levels, lower blood pressure, less heart disease, and better weight control.

Even when faced with an incurable illness, positive feelings and thoughts can improve one’s quality of life.

A positive outlook means living longer and stronger for people dealing with heart disease.

This from the American Heart Association about the number one killer of adults in the US.

The study looked at 607 patients. It found that patients whose moods were overall more positive were 58% more likely to live at least another five years. Click To Tweet

These people exercised more, too.

The scientists can’t say for sure if positivity led to them exercising or if exercising improved their mood.

The important message is the same either way.

Positive thinking and regular physical activity are vital for life.

The chicken-or-egg thing doesn’t bother me at all.

happy toys

“Your smile will give you a positive countenance that will make people feel comfortable around you.” – Les Brown

Physical activity improves mood, so if working out makes you feel better, that’s great.

The other side of the coin is that feeling happier and more optimistic helps motivate you to engage in more healthy habits.

That might mean hopping on a treadmill, applying sunscreen, eating more vegetables or all three.

That is a win-win as I see it.

 

Cancer treatment

Dr Wendy Harpham has authored several books for people facing cancer.

Nearly 30 years ago, she was a practising internist when she learned she had non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. A cancer of the immune system.

During the 15 years of treatments for her cancer, she set the stage for happiness and hope.

She would surround herself with people who lifted her spirits.

She still keeps a daily gratitude journal.

Every day she would do something good for someone else. And she watched funny and uplifting movies.

“Fostering positive emotions helped make my life the best it could be,” Dr Harpham said. “They made the tough times easier, even though they didn’t make any difference in my cancer cells.”

Dr Harpham maybe like Andy and have a natural disposition to see the hopeful side of life even when the outlook is bleak.

But new research demonstrates that people can learn skills to help them experience more positive emotions.

Even when faced with the severe stress of a life-threatening illness.

 

A positive outlook and ageing

A study of more than 4,000 people 50 and older demonstrated that having a positive view of ageing can have a beneficial influence on health outcomes and longevity. Click To Tweet

Dr Becca Levy said two possible mechanisms account for the findings.

  • Psychologically, a positive view can enhance belief in one’s abilities. This decreases perceived stress and fosters healthful behaviours.
  • Physiologically, people with positive outlooks on ageing had lower levels of C-reactive protein. This is a marker of stress-related inflammation associated with heart disease and other illnesses.
happy and sad face

“You need to be able to manage stress because hard times will come, and a positive outlook is what gets you through.” – Marie Osmond

This remains true even after accounting for possible influences like age, health status, sex, race and education than those with a negative outlook. They also lived significantly longer.

 

Fostering positive emotions

Judith T. Moskowitz developed a set of eight skills to help foster positive emotions.

In earlier research at the University of California, she and colleagues worked with people with new diagnoses of H.I.V. infection.

They found those who learned the eight skills were less likely to need antidepressants to help them cope with their illness and incredibly carried a lower load of the virus.

The research followed people who had recently learned they were H.I.V. positive. They were randomly assigned to one of two groups; either five sessions of general support or five sessions of positive emotions training.

After fifteen months the subjects were reviewed. Those receiving positive emotions training maintained higher levels of positive feelings and fewer negative thoughts related to their infection.

Eight skills

An essential goal of the training is to help people feel calm, happy, and satisfied despite being in the midst of a health crisis.

Any improvements in their health and longevity are a bonus.

Each participant in the positive emotions training group is encouraged to learn at least three of the eight skills. And they are instructed to practice one or more of the skills each day.

The eight skills are:

  • Recognise a positive event each day.
  • Savour that event and log it in a journal or tell someone about it.
  • Start a daily gratitude journal.
  • List a personal strength and note how you used it.
  • Set an attainable goal and note your progress.
  • Report relatively minor stress and list ways to reappraise the event positively.
  • Recognise and practice small acts of kindness daily.
  • Practice mindfulness, focusing on the here and now rather than the past or future.

Living longer

Dr Moskowitz inspiration was observing people with Type 2 diabetes, AIDS, and other chronic illnesses living longer when they demonstrated positive emotions.

The next step was to see if fostering positive emotions could be taught and what impact it would have on how well they coped with the stress and their physical health as their conditions progressed.

The goals were to:

  • improve patients’ quality of life,
  • enhance adherence to medication,
  • foster healthy behaviours,
  • increase social support by building personal resources
  • broader attention to the more enjoyable aspects of life

Another group of researchers set to determine if learning positive emotions skills training would be effective online. They had 49 patients with Type 2 diabetes perform internet-based training. The results show it was effective in enhancing positivity and reducing negative emotions and feelings of stress.

Positive women and dog

“I truly believe in positive synergy, that your positive mindset gives you a more hopeful outlook, and belief that you can do something great means you will do something great.” – Russell Wilson

Reviewing prior studies, we know that, for people with diabetes, positive feelings were associated with an increase in healthy eating and physical activity, less use of tobacco, better control of blood sugar, and a lower risk of dying.

Dr Moskowitz undertook several other studies to examine the effectiveness of online positive emotions skills training. Women with advanced breast cancer found the training decreased levels of depression amongst them. Meanwhile, the same was found to be true with the caregivers of dementia patients.

Online positive emotions skills training works. As Dr Moskowitz says, “None of this is rocket science.”

How to get on the positive track

It’s not like you can go to your doctor and get a prescription for positivity. “Go home and tell two jokes to yourself every 4 to 6 hours.”

You have to take the initiative.

A gratitude journal can play a huge role.

Recognise a positive event each day, something that you are grateful for having experienced.

Recording it in a journal helps you savour that event.

Even better, tell your friends about it. Talking about your friends.

Are they people who lift your spirits or do you need to find your Andy?

Could you start every day with the intention to do something good for someone else? When you look to accomplish small acts of kindness, you tend to recognise them when they happen to you.

If you want more options to remember that Dr Moskowitz developed eight skills to help foster a positive outlook.

Make time to laugh

A long time ago I realised I didn’t laugh enough.

So every day I look to inject humour into my life.

You can watch anything as long as it makes you laugh.

Chuckling doesn’t count. It needs to be a full-on laugh.

Hang out with friends who make you laugh. Go to the park for a walk.

happy kids playing

“Most of the people I know who exercise seriously do so because they have such a positive outlook on life. They work out to be more active and more positive.” – David Brett-Williams

Even better if you have a dog. Play with your children or grandchildren.

Humour has been shown to improve immune cell function.

This helps you ward off illness, decreases your chances of cancer and also increases your chance of living after heart disease hits.

Time for those reruns of Friends !!

There are also less apparent choices to enhance your positive outlook. Studies have shown that helping others helps you, too.

Volunteering is a great way to give as much as you get and get as much as you give.

It increases your sense of community which is one of the five foundational elements for living an OUTSTANDING life.

A positive outlook can add years to your life and life to your years. The link between a positive outlook and health benefits is indisputable.

Research shows benefits such as lower blood pressure, less heart disease, better weight control and healthier blood sugar levels. It’s a positive cycle.

The more positivism you practice, the easier it gets and the better you will feel.

What helps you get through those hard times?

Drop a comment below, and let me know how you keep yourself optimistic.

  • 22 June, 2020
  • Super Ager
  • More

How To Find More Time In Your Day

Most days time is my enemy. I need another three hours each day to get everything done. Work and life are both pretty hectic schedules for me. I deluded myself that when my children grew up that I would find more free time.

Is time your enemy too?

While a lot of us regard time as an enemy when we get more of it we consider it a luxury.

When your boss says, “That work I needed for tomorrow, I can’t look at until next week. Why don’t you get it to me Monday?” Those extra days are a luxury.

enemy in time

“Once you have commitment you need the hard work and discipline to reach your goals.” – David Brett-Williams

My Mum is well read and would always have a relevant quote when I was struggling with an issue.

Time is what we want most, but what, alas! we use worst. Click To Tweet

Sounds relevant to my problem today. Safe to assume that things weren’t much different when William Penn wrote that in 1682.

A strange relationship

We have a strange relationship with time. When you feel you have plenty of it, the world opens up. You find the motivation to act on this luxury and explore. And on the other hand, we revel in the luxury of it.

Contrast that to when you feel short of time. There are not enough hours in your day. It’s stressful and taxing. You start making decisions based on that anxious feeling that you lack enough time.

For me, it meant breaking my well-intended routines and reaching for that quick, unhealthy snack. The non-urgent but important activities got put on hold.

Things like preparing my fresh food, exercise, personal projects and relationships. Crazy stuff when I know that they nourish and enrich me.

key strap

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” – Andy Warhol

One of the keys to managing my time better was to understand my relationship with it. Sounds too complicated? Let’s think of it this way, knowing how I respond when time is scarce lets me control my actions and panic less.

This is the key

How you think about time affects the reality of how you spend it. That makes the ability to influence your perception of time incredibly powerful.

Here are three surprising methods, backed by research, that will help expand your sense of time. When that happens, you will have the motivation to make better decisions about how you use the time you have.

1.  Give your time away to others

One of the most counterintuitive things you can do to increase your sense of time is to give some of it away.

Researchers from the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania looked at how we spend our time. Spending time on other people instead of spending unexpected free time on yourself, expands your sense of present and future.

In one experiment, participants had to perform one of two tasks.

Either write a short letter to a seriously ill child or count the number of times the letter “e” showed up in some text. The letter-writers reported that they felt like they had more time.

In a follow-up experiment, they had two groups. One spent 10 or 30 minutes “doing something for yourself that you weren’t already planning to do today.”

The other spent 10 or 30 minutes on someone else. Doing an unplanned, spontaneous act.  The duration of the time spent didn’t matter but what they spent it on did.

And again, spending time on others expanded people’s sense of the future.

A sense of usefulness

They concluded that this expansion happens because helping people increases your sense of usefulness and effectiveness.

two people

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” – Charles Dickens

Decompressing in front of the television or getting a massage might be fun and relaxing, but activities like these are unlikely to increase feelings of self-efficacy.

Other research backs this up. Modern life has an increase in leisure. But this increase in leisure time has not increased people’s sense of time affluence.

Could this be due to people’s choice to spend that additional leisure time on themselves?

Instead, spend minutes on others to help that stressful feeling like you’re trying to squeeze your day into a shoe size that’s too small.

You don’t have to donate extraordinary amounts.

The researchers noted that little acts of prosocial behaviour are enough: “Carve out 10 to 15 minutes a day to do something for someone else.”

2. Seek Awesome

Think about a point at which time stood still or even melted away. Do it right now. A point when you were totally caught up in the moment.

There is a reasonable likelihood that you just experienced awe. Indeed, researchers from Stanford University confirmed in a series of studies that awe expands your sense of the present.

The feeling of awe, itself, is quite expansive. It’s what you feel when you perceive a kind of vastness that shifts your understanding of the world. It alters your perspective about your place in it.

I experienced a sense of awe at the birth of my children. You might experience awe from encountering immensity or beauty.

Things like seeing the Alps or the pyramids in Egypt or from experiencing a personal turning point.

In one experiment, participants watched two different commercials. The awe-eliciting commercials featured images like beautiful waterfalls and astronauts in space.

The participants reported feeling like they had more time than people who watched the happiness-eliciting commercials.

Researchers found that this expanded sense of time even increased people’s willingness to volunteer to help others because they felt less impatient.

“Oh my!”

Awe helps you live in the present, captivating your attention. This stretches out daytime because you’re not as concerned with how much of it you have.

awe

“He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.” – Albert Einstein

You might think that awe-eliciting experiences might be hard to find, but small doses can be enough. Remember that even the one-minute ads that the researchers used in the experiment were effective.

Seek out things that make you go “Oh my!”

One of the best ways to do that is to get out and experience the beauty and wonders of nature. Experience new things such as travel, which helps you focus on the present moment and increase the chance of an awe-inspiring moment.

Or look up at the night sky.

3. Schedule good stuff

Enjoying the moment seems like an obvious answer to increasing our happiness and reducing anxiety over how we’re spending it. The problem is that we often deny ourselves those moments.

We think we are too busy, creating an unhealthy feedback loop. Or we feel guilty, which lessens our enjoyment of it. Click To Tweet

In a paper for The Journal of Consumer Psychology, researchers examined how rethinking time affects our happiness. They concluded that it also depends on our sense of control.

They wrote: “…having spare minutes or hours and perceiving control over how to spend those moments, correlates to a strong and consistent effect on life satisfaction and happiness.

Even controlling for the actual amount of free time one has. Feeling an expanded sense of present makes us happier because we feel like we’re not victim to forces totally outside of our power.”

Using daytime wisely requires managing our sense of control over how we spend our hours rather than letting time happen to us.

An excellent way to do this is to schedule things that you want to do as diligently as you might schedule a business meeting.

If you want to exercise or spend more time with a friend or read more, literally put it on your calendar.

The suggestion sounds almost too simple. And even a little too type-A personality or OCD. But the fact remains that we don’t follow through on our goals.

Research explains that even though our smarter selves know what energises and sustains us, “there is often a gap between where people say they want to spend their time and how they spend their time.”

Make it an easy decision

You can close the gap and regain a better sense of control by making your desired activity an easier decision. Design it, so you are less at the mercy of self-doubt, procrastination, and inertia to overpower you.

When you put something on a calendar, you’re more likely to do that activity. Partly because you’re less likely to have to make an active decision whether you should do it.

Because it’s already on your calendar. Think that the smarter past-you has got future-you’s back.

Fill in your time with what you want to do. Too often we fill our thoughts with regret on missed opportunities. Or how we will get to our goals when we have a spare moment. The spare productive moment is a rare beast indeed.

Chances are higher that you’ll have the time when you schedule it.

time on the beach

“For some reason, as the minutes get short in life, wasting it escaping through entertainment bothers me.” – Dick Van Dyke

The secret to changing your temporal mindset comes down to convincing yourself that you have enough time.

A simple way to find more time is to stop procrastinating. What helps you to manage your time better? Drop a comment below, and let me know how you keep yourself on track.

  • 15 June, 2020
  • Professional Development
  • More

Go Beyond Your Limits

What if I told you that the only person who truly limits you is yourself? I bet a lot of readers would say, “That is ridiculous.” But are they being honest with themselves? I think that too often the very thing that is limiting us is ourselves.

You are capable of more than you think. And you already have proof of this, but have you noticed it? And if you did notice it, did you accept that was the result of your efforts or did you ascribe it to luck?

At some point in your life, you have surprised yourself by accomplishing something that seemed well beyond your abilities. Think back on it for a moment. Was that incident as much of a fluke as you thought it was?

 

The very thing that limits us is ourselves.

As I said earlier, too often, the very thing that’s limiting us is ourselves. We tend to play it safe, doing the same things over and over that we know we’re good at without trying to push beyond. After all, trying new things is scary. 

I recall many years ago learning to ski. The Austrian Alps were imposing so I booked half-day lessons for the first three days of my ski break. 

I had skied before in Canada, but that was on a hill with a drag lift. Nothing like the mountains in the Alps with their cable cars.

My morning in ski school arrived, and the instructor was great. Patient and encouraging, he helped every student improve in a few hours.

The afternoon was for freeskiing. To go out and put what you had learned into practice. And did I?

Limits

Olympics here I come.

The feeling of your skis running over the crisp snow was magical, and the sensation of speed was intoxicating. I loved it. And I could proudly say that I navigated a blue run without falling. Olympics here I come.

The next morning we all gathered for our second session of ski school. The instructor told us to raise our hands if we went skiing after our class yesterday. Everyone’s hand went up.

He then asked, keep your hand up if you fell down at least once on every single run. The hands stayed up except for four people, mine was one of the four.

We look at each other with smug satisfaction, expecting to be the class heroes.

 

If you are not falling, then you are not learning.

The words, “If you are not falling, then you are not learning.” felt like a slap on the face. Surely the object was not to fall, or had I missed something?

It made sense. 

Playing it safe and repeating the same lazy turns over and over again to traverse the slope would dramatically reduce the likelihood of falling. But it was not trying new things and was not helping to improve your skiing.

 

Push your limits.

The key to becoming a better skier was to push your limits. And that meant the chance of falling increased.

The morning lesson carried on, and he adopted his usual patient and encouraging approach. 

The next morning he asked the same two questions. This time everyone, including me, kept our hands raised. We were all proud to have fallen at least once on each run. That meant we were pushing beyond our current boundaries, and it also means our boundaries will expand.

Let’s make a decision. The decision that today is going to be different. Today we’re going to do something bold and daring.

Today, you’re going to push past our limitations. 

And here is how:

Limits

1. Tell yourself, “I am going to do this.”

The moment you say those magic words, whatever you’re pushing yourself to do becomes possible in your mind. It’s when you tell yourself that you can’t do something you’re doomed to failure. 

On the other hand, a robust can-do attitude will help you to act with boldness until you can start feeling it as well. The important thing is to take action. Many times we delay starting because we lack the confidence or we are waiting for conditions to be perfect. 

We will never have enough confidence or perfect conditions. Start now with what you have.

 

2. Find someone who knows what you’re going through. 

Tapping into someone else’s experience is one of the most powerful things you can do to help you realize your goals. A mentor whose boldness you admire has the wisdom to help you get where you want to go. 

As a bonus, they also become that encourager who will give you that solid kick in the arse when you need it. And that accountability partner keeping you on your goals and milestones.

 

3. What’s the plan? 

You’re never going to be able to push yourself to your highest limits without a solid list of mini-goals and milestones to get you there. Bold actions require a roadmap sometimes!

This is not a suggestion to develop the perfect plan before you take action. It is better to have a decent plan and take action and refine the plan than to spend all your time on the plan and take no action.

Limits

4. Keep a record. 

By journaling and writing down every day’s successes, you have something tangible that you can go back and review to see where you’ve been and how much you’ve accomplished. This record becomes inspiration and motivation.

It provides a needed reminder of all those times when you acted with boldness in the past. If we did it once, then surely we can do it again.

 

5. Challenge yourself. 

If you’re even slightly competitive by nature, then use that to your advantage. Set challenges for yourself. Make a bet that you can do something by a specific date and then push yourself to achieve it or over-achieve it.

When you achieve your milestones and goals consistently, you show yourself what a winner you are. Never be afraid to challenge yourself. 

To go beyond your limits and achieve your dreams, you need to press on boldly. Daring to cover new ground and challenge every limitation. 

Don’t stop until you get to where you want to be. You can do this! 

success

Related Articles:


How To Build Resilience, Your Competitive Advantage


Make Creativity Your Superpower


Build the Courage to Achieve Anything


 

  • 25 May, 2020
  • Personal Development
  • More

Make Success Your Norm

This post includes nine kick-ass success habits and behaviours that high achievers engage in regularly and three actionable steps you can take right away to make success your norm. That is right! If these nine habits become your norm then you will experience far more success.

While there is no way to know precisely what makes some people successful, we can learn a lot by examining successful people. Often high achievers exhibit similar habits and behaviours. 

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” –

Max Planck, German quantum theorist and Nobel Prize winner.

The nine habits below, show up over and over again in success stories. If you want to be more successful in life, these behaviours might be an excellent place to start.

 

1. They Set Goals

Successful people know what they want. More than that, they actively set goals to get what they want. 

Having goals in mind doesn’t count either. You need to write your goals down, and then break them down into an action plan.

Make Success Your Norm

 

2. They Stay Healthy

Staying healthy is key on the road to success. A proper diet, solid exercise routine, and getting enough sleep are 3 of the most powerful things you can do. 

Being healthy will let you focus on the pursuit of success and not worry about always getting sick or fatigued.

 

3. They Face Fear

Fear is one of the biggest roadblocks to success. Just think about things you might have missed out on because you were too nervous about taking a chance. 

Successful people feel fear just like the rest of us, but instead of giving up, they face it.

 

4. They Learn

It is kind of a shame that school ends so early in our lives. Some people feel like that means they are done learning. 

This couldn’t be further from the truth. A commitment to lifelong learning will propel you towards success by keeping your mind sharp, and your skills up to date.

Make Success Your Norm

 

5. They Stay Organised

There may be a handful of geniuses who can create and think surrounded by a mess, but for the rest of us “normies” a cluttered space is nothing more than a distraction. 

You will save time, energy and boost focus if you keep your space neat and tidy.

 

6. They Keep Balanced

What is the point of success if you don’t take time to enjoy it? Hard work is clearly essential but remember to relish the good times along the way. 

Having a life balance will keep energy levels high and give you something to look forward to besides work.

 

7. They Take Time to Think

Do you ever make time just to think? Successful people do. They know that being successful means continually thinking “what next?“. 

If you want to be more successful, schedule 20-30 minutes of quiet thinking time into your day.

 

8. They Surround Themselves With Inspiring People

If you want to be successful, it helps to have successful friends. Besides the doors they may open for you, having successful friends will inspire you. 

You will learn what makes them tick, and it’s never a bad thing to have a like-minded social circle.

Make Success Your Norm

 

9. They Plan Their Day

Do you ever find yourself wondering what to do next? Successful people don’t. They take time to plan their day because they know that the time invested will pay off. 

Taking half an hour to plan your day, could save countless hours of wondering what to do next.

 

Action Step: Set a goal. 

It doesn’t have to be a huge goal, but whatever it is, break it down into smaller goals. These smaller goals will now become your action plan.

  

Action Step: What do you want to learn? 

Whatever it is, now is the time to start. Choose a topic of interest and figure out what books or courses can help you learn more about it. 

There are often free courses online, and your local library will have many of the books you need.

  

Action Step: Start thinking. 

Choose a time, ideally at the same time each day, to do some quiet thinking each day. You don’t have to plan what to think about, just think about whatever comes to mind. 

Think about ways to improve your career, business or life in general.

There you have it, nine success habits and behaviours and three actionable steps you can take to make success your norm.

They say that knowledge is power, but I think knowledge only becomes power when it is put into action. Are you ready to put your new knowledge into action?

success

Related Articles:


How To Build Resilience, Your Competitive Advantage


Make Creativity Your Superpower


Build the Courage to Achieve Anything


 

  • 18 May, 2020
  • Personal Development
  • More

Go Beyond Your Self-Imposed Limits

Most of our limitations are self-imposed. For some crazy reason, we do that to ourselves. 

I hear you say, “No way. That is rubbish. What stops me from achieving my goals are real obstacles that even Superman could not overcome. Don’t you know, I have tried everything!”

Yeah, you have been trying and failing for too long. Far too long. So, what gives? Do you have the limitations you think you have, or is something else going on?

It could be that you’ve limited yourself. As I said earlier, most limitations are, in fact, self-imposed, for one reason or another. So how can you tell when a limitation is real or something else entirely?

Look for the word “they.” 

Anytime you make a ‘they’ statement what you’re talking about is your self-doubt.

You may feel like ‘they’ are keeping you in the same tedious job or from becoming financially independent. 

Self-Imposed

Fear doesn’t discriminate.

Still, in truth, it’s your fear holding you back.

Fear doesn’t discriminate. 

Each one of us will feel fear at some point in our lives. It can stop the strongest of people dead in their tracks, and it is probably the biggest killer of dreams.

You get all excited about beginning to follow your dream and then quickly you have to deal with fear. The fear of getting started, looking like an idiot, rejection, making a mistake, and on and on. 

Plus, there is also a fear of the unknown. Get real, is there anything we don’t have some sort of fear about?

It’s not just with big dreams either. Fear can be destructive even in your daily interactions by convincing you to turn down invitations because you’re afraid to go by yourself or you’re scared to go somewhere new.

Or you’re afraid of speaking to new people. 

Have you checked your motivation? 

It could be that you’ve lost sight of why you want what you want. When your goal becomes muddled and unclear, it can look and feel like a limitation. 

Self-Imposed

Your underlying motivation.

Understanding your underlying motivation has a massive impact on your life. And it provides a great answer to a cliche interview question. Motivation is highly individual, so it is crucial to know precisely what it is that motivates you? 

Are you feeling vulnerable? 

When you’re worried about how you’re going to look to other people, it’s easy to put limitations on your actions. The reality is, no one likes to be the subject of other people’s laughter or ridicule. 

The question is, is anyone paying any attention? Most of the time when we’re worried about how we’re going to be perceived, there’s no one even paying close attention. 

Do you lack confidence? 

If you’ve started doubting your ability to reach your goal, it’s easy to formulate limitations to keep you from having to go further.

Each one of us experiences a lack of confidence at some time. However, when we experience a sustained lack of confidence, it becomes crippling. 

 

A lack of confidence. 

The phrase seems pretty self-explanatory. It’s the opposite of having an abundance of confidence. But it looks completely different on different people.

Some people lack confidence in their abilities. Others lack confidence in their personal appearance. And some lack confidence in their ability to voice their opinions.

Of course, no one is confident all the time.

Each one of us experiences a lack of confidence at some time. And it’s perfectly normal to feel less than stellar every once in a while. 

If this is the case, then it can be beneficial to look back at your history.

Where have you succeeded before? What does that tell you about your ability to handle this situation?

Self-Imposed

Ask for help.

Have you tried asking for help? 

Are you stalled out due to lack of knowledge or because you’ve gone as far as you can on your own?

It might be the right time to enlist the help and support of a mentor to help you push past this specific limitation.

I get it. There are some stubborn people out there who would rather walk into work butt naked than swallow their pride and ask for assistance.

Yes, I know because I was one of those stubborn people.

For some crazy reasons, many of us perceive a request for help as a sign of weakness. And we don’t want to appear weak. When, in reality, asking for help is a sign of great strength. 

 

Time to call for reinforcements.

Asking for help means you’re self-aware and self-assured enough to know when it’s time to call for reinforcements. 

That doesn’t mean that asking for help is easy. Not at all, approaching someone to ask them to lend you a hand can actually be anxiety-inducing.

Where are you emotionally? 

Is depression or worry, keeping you down and inventing excuses for you to stall out? Address the emotional issues that are making you feel like you can’t get past this point.

Being emotionally out of balance usually involves one of two things. Either being so attached to and identified with them that your feelings are all-consuming.

Or not allowing yourself to experience your feelings as they evolve by avoiding or suppressing them. 

Self-Imposed

Emotional balance.

When we have emotional balance, we allow ourselves to feel whatever feelings come up, without getting overwhelmed. And we learn to accept our feelings without judgment.

The majority of us try to avoid physical as well as emotional pain. Not many of us want to be in pain.

The Pleasure-Pain Principle suggests that we behave to minimise pain and maximise pleasure.  

The logical part of our brain tells us that if we can avoid the pain, then it won’t affect us.

Ironically, efforts to keep painful thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations at bay may work temporarily.

Over the long run, it only prolongs those experiences and intensifies the suffering connected to them. 

 

Do you need a mental health day? 

If you’ve been plugging along for a while without seeing much success, it’s easy to get burned out and then perceive that as a limitation. 

Taking a sick day from work for a cold or any other physical health issue is commonplace.

However, taking time off to tend to your mental health is more of a grey area. 

Most companies do not have policies for mental health or personal days, and if they do, they are not promoted.

So it can be challenging to take time off when you feel you need a mental break. 

A lot of us will feel hesitant or guilty to use some of our precious holiday entitlement, and so we push ourselves to show up anyway. 

Think about it, when you’re feeling stressed, both you and your work suffer.

This potentially leads to other issues that can hurt your performance and your co-worker’s performance too.

 

Maintaining well-being and health.

Knowing when to take a mental health day is crucial to maintaining your overall well-being and health.

Try taking a day off so you can get your head back in the game tomorrow.

Recognising when you’re at the root of these self-imposed limitations is a good thing because that means you also have the tools to get past this point.

Close self-examination will help you determine what you need to do to move past this point, and so find the success that is waiting for you. 

Go Beyond Your Self-Imposed Limits

Related Articles:


How To Build Resilience, Your Competitive Advantage


Make Creativity Your Superpower


Build the Courage to Achieve Anything


 

  • 11 May, 2020
  • Personal Development
  • More

Three Ways To Attain Human Excellence

Human excellence is not a byproduct of luck or something that a few selected people are just born with.

History is full of examples of people who made their own luck and who fought adversity, drastically improved themselves, and went on to do great things.

The good news is that if they did, then so can you.

What many of us do not realise is that we can accomplish things that we might think impossible.

We have everything we need to create and build something much bigger than ourselves. Each one of us can attain human excellence.

A big part of that, irrespective of the goal, is harnessing the ability to improve ourselves continually.

Only by mastering this can we expect greener pastures in life. So how exactly do we do it then?

We can attain human excellence by adopting three new habits.

human excellence

Start waking up early

This is the advice that countless successful people, from business tycoons to great artists, often give in their autobiographies.

The original idea behind it is to wake up at a time when the rest of the world is asleep and therefore, unable to distract you from your goals.

You also benefit from the fact that early in the morning, your head is not full of distracting thoughts and problems that it might be ridden with later in the day.

By starting your day early, you get a head start over 99% of the world, creating a feel-good psychological factor that motivates you to stay ahead for the rest of the day.

 

Improve much faster

Your productivity increases and you instill in yourself a sense of self-discipline and mastery.

Whether it is going to the gym, learning how to code an app or writing the next great novel.

Waking up early will help you improve yourself much faster than you otherwise would.

Show self-kindness

There is a remarkable difference in how we treat others and how we treat ourselves.

We are always kind and polite when we talk to friends and colleagues, but when it comes to self-talk, we are terribly harsh.

Pay attention to how you speak to yourself, and you will be amazed by how true this is.

For example, when you skip a workout in the gym, your mind tortures you with your guilt-ridden self-talk.

When you make a mistake at work, you think about it for days on end.

If someone you know spoke to you like this, how long would you want to be their friend? Not long.

 

Inspiration in small victories

This is why it is essential to ease up on the critical self-talk, especially when you are in the early stages of trying to improve yourself.

A mark of human excellence is top be kind when you make an error and find inspiration in small victories.

 

Make small changes, take small steps

Rome was not built in a day, and if you are desperately looking for quick ways to human excellence, then you have to remember that such a process is usually a marathon and not a sprint.

This is why motivational speakers the world over recommend that you take small steps while you are making small changes.

So if you have three different goals that you want to accomplish over the next few months, then you are better off to insert them in your daily routine one after another than all three at once.

human excellence image

Overburdened

If you start working out, learning a new language and playing the guitar on the same day, then your mind will feel overburdened. As a result, it will invent new reasons to procrastinate.

If there is one thing that our minds hate, it is when we break old and bad habits and build new productive ones.

Taking small steps helps as well. Instead of working out for two hours, 7 days a week, try to keep it for one hour, 3 times a week.

Slowly and gradually increase this frequency until your mind proves to be of no resistance at all.

 

Towards human excellence

Be proud of yourself that you have decided to take steps to improve yourself.

Most of the people in this world go their whole lives without feeling any desire to do so. So just by deciding to take action, you have risen above the rest and are moving towards human excellence.

Take heed of the tips mentioned above and surround yourself with things and people that inspire you.

Keep an open mind, and a positive attitude and you will realise that improving yourself and achieving human excellence is all about the right state of mind that you can instill in yourself with the due practice of the principles mentioned above.

Human excellence

Related Articles:


How To Build Resilience, Your Competitive Advantage


Make Creativity Your Superpower


Build the Courage to Achieve Anything


 

  • 4 May, 2020
  • Personal Development
  • More

When Facing an Uncertain Future

Suddenly, you face an uncertain future as you watch the world around you change in an instant.

With the COVID-19 pandemic, we are experiencing a time of incredible transition and change.

When faced with such upheaval, it is natural to feel that your anchor to everything you have known is being taken away. Almost as if the very ground beneath you is crumbling. 

The only sure thing is uncertainty. We want some flavour in our lives, but we also want strategies to deal with life’s ups and downs.

“If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Uncertain Future

An uncertain future

Everyone has times in their lives when the future is uncertain. For most of us now, it’s due to Coronavirus. Do you remember the ‘good old days’, when it might have been a big challenge or a big opportunity you knew was just around the corner? 

Change can create a tremendous amount of fear as your mind gets filled with thoughts such as, What will happen to me? Can I support myself financially in the future? Will my children be all right? 

As you experience the uncomfortable feelings of being groundless, you become aware that the future is uncertain. There are people out there (entrepreneurs) who, even without COVID-19, feel the future is always uncertain. 

Let’s take some advice from them on how to deal with an uncertain future.

 

1. Continue to plan

Planning is the key to living intentionally rather than reactively. But how do we make time to plan when our days are filled with uncertainty?

When our days are like that, it’s easy to get lost in the drama. The risk is that we end up always having to play catch up, that we are being reactive instead of proactive. 

This is a time when a little bit of planning and forethought and planning can make a huge difference.

So, I suggest making at least three plans. A Plan A, if things go well, as anticipated. Plan B, if things take a wrong turn. Plan C, if things go far better than you expected.

When you have a plan, you have actions to undertake. And better to have alternate plans and know what you can be doing instead of throwing your plans in the trash and living in complete uncertainty.

Uncertain Future

Plan on several levels

Planning can happen on various levels. Obviously, you need to have a business plan ready when an opportunity or an investor comes your way. What I’m referring to is more of a method for facing the uncertainty coming your way. This might require something on a shorter term, say a 90-day plan or even a 30-day plan.

When you plan, you make the best of the time you have, you practically ensure progress towards your goals, and you ensure you have the resources you need to make the most of the opportunities you have.

When you make time to plan you can see that some of the things you’re currently doing may not be moving you towards your goals or you can figure out ways to do what you’re doing better. 

Recap #1: Make time to plan.

 

2. Focus on things you can control

The elements you can control are the things that go into your plan first and foremost. You can’t decide for anyone else what they will or will not do. But you can prepare to be at your best and most influential when you talk with them. 

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” – Steve Maraboli

Being able to discern the difference between the things we can control and the things we can’t comes up frequently in conversations with clients. Surprisingly, it always comes back to one principle:

You can control your input, but not the outcome.

I can control how I show up every day, but I can’t control other people’s opinion of me.

I can control how much effort and time I put into preparing for a sales meeting, but I can’t control whether I end up getting the contract. 

In each of these situations, we can influence the outcome, but we can’t control it.

A personal example, and this was a huge learning curve for me.

There are some things most, if not all, people worry about nowadays: Might I contract Coronavirus? If I do, will I survive? If I do, will I recover fully and so on? These are massive things. 

Unfortunately, they are also the things that I can’t control.

Yes, I can absolutely influence them, but I don’t get to decide how they turn out. And stressing and worrying about them doesn’t change this.

I can control how many times I wash my hands each day and how often I touch my face. I can make sure I minimise the risk of contracting the virus, and I can maximise my health in case I do. 

So I focus on the elements that I can control and that places the responsibility of the plan’s success primarily on me.

Recap #2: With your plan, focus on the things you can control.

Uncertain Future

3. Have a morning routine

Whether you’re a morning person who rises at 5 am or a night owl who burns the midnight oil, we all have to start our morning at some point. And curiously, we all seem to start it differently. There are a billion different ways a morning could go.

But which morning routine is the best?

There’s probably not one ideal morning routine that is perfect for everyone. If we look at the morning routines of high achievers as well as the latest research, we can learn a lot.

Bear in mind, it is easy to maintain a morning routine when everything is going well. Still, it becomes more of a challenge when we face an uncertain future. You might get into a ‘why bother’ mindset.

 

Maximise today

If the future is uncertain, then we need to maximise today. Let’s start the morning on the right foot and boost our productivity. 

Your first task of the day should be significant and meaningful. Something that requires a lot of focus, will, and determination to accomplish. 

The logic behind that is that we have limited self-control.

The strength model suggests that self-control draws from a pool of common resources that gets depleted. Think of self-control as a muscle that gets fatigued after it is used.

Researchers have come to the following conclusion:

As the day goes on, your self-control experiences greater and greater depletion. That makes it vitally important to make those early morning hours count.

Recap #3: Start the day on the right foot with a morning routine that helps you accomplish your plan.

 

4. Understand the nature of fear

I want to introduce two crucial concepts taken from CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). 

Following from point 2. Focus on things you can control, the only things that you can truly control in life are your thoughts and actions.

Thoughts create feelings which determine actions. 

Studies have shown that you have a thought first and then the feeling. You cannot have a feeling without first having a thought. 

Uncertain Future

Mindfulness

This is wonderful news and validates the value of developing an awareness of your thoughts. A practice we commonly call mindfulness. 

It follows that if we can control our thoughts, we can influence how we feel and what actions might follow as a result.

Consider this, both anxiety and fear only live in future thinking.

They are based on events that MIGHT happen, but haven’t happened yet and actually MAY NEVER happen. 

When you understand the nature of fear, you understand that fear loves to have power over you in this way.

It creates the illusion that events that might happen have already happened! And you feel every one of them.

Anxiety and fear do not exist in present moment thinking. When you stay in the present, you eliminate your anxiety and fear.

Recap #4: Become aware of your thoughts and how they create feelings that drive your actions. 

 

5. Know your non-negotiables in advance.

There are some things that you care about more than other things. It’s unique to each of us. 

Without awareness or consideration, boundaries can be crossed, rejected, or overlooked.

This makes us feel confused, hurt or invalidated. 

And if this happens often enough, it alters our reality. It affects the relationship we have with ourselves and with others as well.

You need to develop boundaries that you consider non-negotiables to create a happy and healthy life. Dr Carla Marie Manly is the author of Joy From Fear, and she suggests that when you set boundaries, you create a sense of internal and external security.

When we set boundaries, it allows us to be clear on our needs, and this helps to maintain clear limits with others.

 

The difference between non-negotiables and regular boundaries

Struggling with the difference between non-negotiables and regular boundaries?

Okay, think that our non-negotiables are those elements that we must have in our life to feel safe and secure.

Some boundaries are flexible in their nature, but non-negotiables are essential to our sense of being honoured and respected.

It might take time to figure out and incorporate your non-negotiables into your everyday routine.

Many of the people I work with are not feel comfortable when they start to do this. I emphasise that developing these boundaries benefits your present and future self. 

And that’s a pretty cool thing to consider.

Below, Manly provides a general list of non-negotiable boundaries you can consider for your personal life and how you can maintain them for the long haul.

Having non-negotiable boundaries become a part of your life will transform your world. 

Time to beware, at first observation, I can’t tell what your non-negotiables are, and you can’t tell what mine are.

But if we get to know each other better than we might get an inkling.

Recap #5: Throughout your days and weeks, have non-negotiables that act like big rocks within a shaky terrain.

Uncertain Future 3

6. Remember your why

Your ‘Why’ is the foundation you can stand on, no matter how uncertain the ground around you becomes.

Revisit your why repeatedly. Not just for yourself, but for everyone with whom you work and you work for.

To know your ‘Why’ is amongst the most important things you can understand in your life.

Your Why is your purpose in life, what you believe you are meant to do here.

It is the reason you get out of bed in the morning and do all that you do. 

A few of us know our ‘Why‘, the majority of us don’t. For some of us our ‘Why‘ changes over time.

Knowing your purpose in life is crucial because it gives you direction. It allows you to prioritise and let go of all that isn’t serving that purpose.

Coming back to your Why regularly allows you to assess where you are in your journey.

Are you living a fulfilling life and on track or did you take a wrong path and need to find your way back?

When your Why guides your decisions, you have the confidence that you are making the right decisions even if they are difficult.

Pursuing your Why might require that you say goodbye to some people to leave room for new ones.

 

Do you know your Why? 

My Why infuses everything I do, and it guides how I build my business and my life.

Take a moment to reflect on your life purpose. If you are not sure what it is, don’t judge yourself too harshly. Give yourself time to figure it out. Your Why is there waiting to be discovered and fully tapped into. 

Recap #6: Your why is your foundation. Keep yourself locked onto it, no matter the storms or mountains you face.

How do you face uncertainty and triumph? Leave a comment we’d love to hear from you.

lockdown

Related Articles:


How To Build Resilience, Your Competitive Advantage


Make Creativity Your Superpower


Build the Courage to Achieve Anything


 

  • 27 April, 2020
  • Personal Development
  • More

Feeling Overwhelmed? This Changes Everything

Feeling overwhelmed is a daily routine. These days no one knows where to start. We get assaulted with wave after wave of bad news, of death and loss, and of COVID-19.

Overwhelm is a state of emotional paralysis when you feel that you’re unable to cope or handle the circumstances you face.

The entirety of the experience fogs our brain and hinders us from seeing things clearly. You become crippled with indecision. 

But things don’t need to be this way.

It is so hard to focus with this much uncertainty. Your to-do list holds so many competing and different priorities that you feel anxious about starting anything.

Overwhelmed

Grinding for your goals

And in your depth of anxiety, you relinquish your stress to the couch and binge-watch Netflix instead of grinding for your goals.

I know this story, trust me, I know it too well.

We get overwhelmed when we struggle with too much information, too many choices or too many responsibilities.

The dictionary definition of overwhelm is too poignant not to share it: “to bury or drown beneath a huge mass; to defeat completely.” Oh damn!

I get it, we are buried beneath activities, to-do lists, commitments, career paths, the news, what to eat, and what to wear.

It is hardly surprising that we’re utterly defeated by the time it comes to making a decision.

 

The reality

The reality is that we are overwhelmed because, with so much conflicting information, we lack clarity on what we want! In this time of uncertainty, if we truly understood our dreams, goals, hopes, passions, and purpose, we would have a clear action plan. 

Want to know the irony? Clarity only comes from execution and confidence comes from taking action! We can only have clarity in our lives when we try something, fail, try something new, and fail again. 

So why should we be afraid of failure?

It might be obvious the direction I am going with this. We repeat these destructive cycles of fear, overwhelm, doing nothing and never trying.

The truth is that when we do nothing, we fail anyway.

Overwhelmed

The hard truth

To be overwhelmed is a choice. “Stop right there!” I hear you say. “You know nothing of my circumstances, you know nothing of what I have been through or what I am facing.”

It is a choice to perpetuate this cycle when we fail to give ourselves the time to prioritise and reflect on what needs to get done first or what’s most important.

When our anxiety peaks, we become paralysed, and we choose to do nothing. 

And we decide to relinquish our dreams because it seems like too much effort and hard work.

We convince ourselves that the circumstances make it impossible, so don’t even bother trying.

 

What is overwhelmed?

It is when we feel as though we’re unable to handle or cope with our circumstances. It is a form of emotional paralysis.

It is common to feel you’re lacking control, which leads to your indecision. The feeling of overwhelm can result from having too many options or choices on hand.

When you’re mired in, overwhelm it feels like you are lodged in quicksand.

It is common to find yourself using phrases like “I’ll never get this done,” “This is too much for me,” “I can’t handle this,” “I can’t do it all by myself.” 

These thoughts are toxic and will trigger feelings of anxiety and worry.

When your mind is filled with these thoughts, you may feel helpless and disempowered and pushed to make quick decisions.

 

Lack of clarity

This stems from your lack of clarity. 

When overwhelmed, you can’t see things clearly.

This results in confusion and exposes you to feeling like things are out of your direct control and influence. 

Your problems seem more significant and closer than they actually are, and you indulge in complaining, negativity, procrastination, and blaming your circumstances or others for your predicament. 

You only end up more stressed and exhausted. And the destructive cycle perpetuates itself.

Overwhelmed

The challenge 

The challenge is that many of us are too comfortable in this state.

We decide to stay in this negative cycle rather than remove ourselves from it.

We prefer to blame something else or someone else for our inaction or missteps than accept that we’re 100% in control of our lives.

The blame game becomes the band-aid we apply to our wounds.

If being overwhelmed is a choice, and it is, we need to realise that we love choosing what’s known, comfortable, and safe. 

Yes, I am saying that if you have chosen to be overwhelmed before then, you will choose it again.

Because it is known, comfortable and safe for you. It is your habit.

 

Take action

I said it earlier, clarity comes from execution and confidence comes from taking action. When you think you have tried everything and everything seems to fail, and you are still feeling overwhelmed, just do something. 

Don’t give up because it’s too hard or you feel confused or don’t know where to start.

Start somewhere. It doesn’t matter if it’s the “right” step or the most logical step.

Try it anyway. 

It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work out, at least you have the clarity from taking a step forward.

That clarity can help you get creative and find another way. Or, maybe it does work out, and you wouldn’t know this unless you took that step! 

Clarity comes from execution.

We have to keep trying, keep moving forward and keep going to understand what works for us and what’s a giant waste of time.

 

The takeaway

Maya Angelou wrote: “When you do nothing, you feel overwhelmed and powerless. But when you get involved, you feel the sense of hope and accomplishment.”

When you get involved and take powerful action it fuels forward movement. It provides the momentum you need to push past the feelings of overwhelm and on to bigger and better things. 

If we believe that the journey is the reward, then we should not fill ours with inaction, stress, and overwhelm.

Power through your journey with confidence and clarity.

lockdown

Related Articles:


How To Build Resilience, Your Competitive Advantage


Make Creativity Your Superpower


Build the Courage to Achieve Anything


 

  • 20 April, 2020
  • Personal Development
  • More

Recent Posts

  • The Best Way To Take Advantage Of How You Define Success
  • 101 Superager Quotes That Will Inspire You
  • How To Win The Battle That Is Team Dynamics
  • 8 Ways To Unlock More Opportunities In Your Life
  • Need An Instant Confidence Boost? Here Is The Solution

Recent Comments

    Archives

    • October 2020
    • September 2020
    • August 2020
    • July 2020
    • June 2020
    • May 2020
    • April 2020
    • March 2020
    • February 2020
    • January 2020
    • December 2019
    • November 2019
    • October 2019
    • September 2019
    • June 2019
    • April 2019
    • March 2019
    • February 2019
    • January 2019
    • December 2018
    • November 2018
    • October 2018
    • September 2018
    • August 2018
    • July 2018
    • June 2018
    • May 2018
    • April 2018
    • March 2018
    • January 2018
    • December 2017
    • October 2017
    • September 2017
    • August 2017

    Categories

    • Personal Development
    • Professional Development
    • Super Ager

    Meta

    • Log in
    • Entries feed
    • Comments feed
    • WordPress.org
    We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies.
    Cookie settingsACCEPT
    Manage consent

    Privacy Overview

    This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
    Necessary
    Always Enabled
    Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
    CookieDurationDescription
    CookieConsent38 years 7 months 17 days 12 hoursThis cookie stores the user's consent state for the current domain.
    cookielawinfo-checbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
    cookielawinfo-checbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
    cookielawinfo-checbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
    cookielawinfo-checkbox-advertisement1 yearThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Advertisement".
    cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
    cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
    PHPSESSIDsessionThis cookie is native to PHP applications. The cookie is used to store and identify a users' unique session ID for the purpose of managing user session on the website. The cookie is a session cookies and is deleted when all the browser windows are closed.
    viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
    XSRF-TOKEN1 dayThe cookie is set by Wix website building platform on Wix website. The cookie is used for security purposes.
    Functional
    Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
    Performance
    Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
    CookieDurationDescription
    YSCsessionThis cookies is set by Youtube and is used to track the views of embedded videos.
    Analytics
    Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
    CookieDurationDescription
    _ga2 yearsThis cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to calculate visitor, session, campaign data and keep track of site usage for the site's analytics report. The cookies store information anonymously and assign a randomly generated number to identify unique visitors.
    _gat_gtag_UA_105432831_11 minuteThis cookie is set by Google and is used to distinguish users.
    _gid1 dayThis cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to store information of how visitors use a website and helps in creating an analytics report of how the website is doing. The data collected including the number visitors, the source where they have come from, and the pages visted in an anonymous form.
    Advertisement
    Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
    CookieDurationDescription
    _fbp3 monthsThis cookie is set by Facebook to deliver advertisement when they are on Facebook or a digital platform powered by Facebook advertising after visiting this website.
    fr3 monthsThe cookie is set by Facebook to show relevant advertisments to the users and measure and improve the advertisements. The cookie also tracks the behavior of the user across the web on sites that have Facebook pixel or Facebook social plugin.
    IDE1 year 24 daysUsed by Google DoubleClick and stores information about how the user uses the website and any other advertisement before visiting the website. This is used to present users with ads that are relevant to them according to the user profile.
    test_cookie15 minutesThis cookie is set by doubleclick.net. The purpose of the cookie is to determine if the user's browser supports cookies.
    VISITOR_INFO1_LIVE5 months 27 daysThis cookie is set by Youtube. Used to track the information of the embedded YouTube videos on a website.
    Others
    Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
    CookieDurationDescription
    _t_r_b4e7106cc80ab87c657c55f96a1f83207 daysNo description
    1b03333c1a16ead83e324b901d0edbf622f295fe1 dayNo description
    3e408b56530bb0516e8c7f1632ad3cc60e588c1c1 dayNo description
    702cbf995ad697992774a39fd79fc211706ef08c1 dayNo description
    92c0a6b5b4f5a2dd21cb83630b9a1ad293cfd1181 dayNo description
    abb585ced425bccaba2943d5b5c555d60d49bb311 dayNo description
    CONSENT16 years 7 months 18 days 12 hoursNo description
    ea4a5dfb26b337562b7992aad021e2bdcf729e621 dayNo description
    wj_reg_track_2185177 daysNo description
    wj4s1 dayNo description
    wjevents1 dayNo description
    SAVE & ACCEPT
    Powered by CookieYes Logo
    About David
    Creatambitionate
    (Creative, Ambitious, Passionate)
    Mission Statement: "My mission is to empower every individual I interact with to achieve more."
    Privacy policy | Cookie Policy | Terms and Conditions | Sitemap
    Stay Connected
    © Copyright 2018 – David Brett-Williams