September 2020

Need An Instant Confidence Boost? Here Is The Solution

You are afraid. Vulnerable. What if you fail? What if they don’t like you? You wish you could summon the strength to ask for that raise you deserve, but the idea makes you cringe. You need a self-confidence boost.

Confidence is one quality all of us strive for. But it is also one of the hardest qualities to attain. Click To Tweet

Am I alone in being plagued by self-doubt? Is my writing good enough? What if I made a spelling mistake? Will they like it?

Thoughts like this are with me incessantly.

Self-doubt plagues most of us. Whether it concerns the content on our website, our appearance, intelligence, or our likeability. But how do you build self-confidence when you feel fat/inexperienced/lacking credentials/whatever else your critical self-tells you?

I have lost count at the number of times that I have been told, “just be confident.” As if feeling confident is as simple as telling yourself to do so.

From my own experiences, there are all too frequent situations when you need an instant confidence boost.

lack of self confidence

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

And it is being able to live with failure and learn from it that helps you build self-confidence.

This is different to a permanent cure for confidence issues. That requires changing the thinking patterns and the belief systems that feed our insecurities. You can’t achieve a permanent cure in an instant. It takes time and persistent action.

Like we need a band-aid over a cut, to give a positive and temporary effect, we sometimes need an instant confidence boost. Here are strategies that you can use to get that instant boost.

Search the topic of instant confidence you will find dozens of tips and tricks. But the question becomes: which ones work and are worth trying?

I have used every one of the nine I present here. Many I have tested on myself, some I have seen at work in my mentoring activity. I believe these to be the most efficient strategies for instant confidence.

Confidence by better posture

When you were little, you were probably nagged by your parents and teachers to sit straight and stop slouching.

Does anyone do that for you now?

As an adult, it would be annoying to be constantly told off for having bad posture. But, it turns out that it might make you believe in your capabilities a lot more.

A recent study looked at the consequence of posture when test subjects wrote down how qualified they were for a job. It found that people who sat up straight believed in their abilities far more than those individuals who did the same activity, but who slumped over their desks.

If you’re reading this now, time to sit or stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact and improve your posture to boost your confidence. By practising good posture, you’ll automatically feel more confident.

Standing up straight and tall, with your back straight and your legs spread out slightly further apart than hip width, is a way of asserting your proposed self-confidence. In fact, your body will recognise the superhero stance and send feedback to your brain to feel more confident.

Crack a smile

Letting people see your pearly whites make you appear both confident and composed. But the effect isn’t just external.

confidence in a suit

“Calm mind brings inner strength and self-confidence, so that’s very important for good health.” – Dalai Lama

Science suggests that smiling reduces feelings of stress, which may pave the way for happier and more relaxed feelings.

Remember positive experiences

It can be difficult to remember all of the good experiences in our lives, especially when things are tough. It can be beneficial to have a list of the good things in your life so you can remind yourself of the positives.

When you fill your thinking with positive thoughts, you generate and amplify positive emotions. And at the same time, you combat negative ones.

Recall an experience in which you felt strong positive emotions, especially emotions like confidence. Close your eyes and visualise it as clearly as you can. Include every little detail, every sight, sound, feeling and smell as if it were happening again.

The better you visualise these positive experiences, the more you will improve your mood, your confidence for the moment.

Confidence by dressing well

Although clothes don’t make the person, they certainly affect the way they feel about themselves. No one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you don’t look good, it changes the way you carry yourself and interact with other people.

Use this to your advantage by taking care of your appearance. In most cases, significant improvements can be made by bathing and shaving frequently, wearing clean clothes, and being aware of the latest styles.

This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. One great rule to follow is “spend twice as much, buy half as much”. Rather than the purchase of a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select, high-quality items. In the long run, this decreases spending because expensive clothes wear out less easily and stay in style longer than cheap clothes.

Dressing well can change how you perceive yourself, what you focus on and as a consequence how you feel. Click To Tweet

Acknowledge your accomplishments

In a similar fashion to remembering positive experiences, what you pay attention to affects your mood. By focusing on what’s working in your life, you recognise your accomplishments.

This sets the stage for continued success. It also allows you to see what you did to create these accomplishments and you develop your achievement playbook.

We all have the tendency to focus too much on ourselves and not enough on the needs of other people. When you stop focusing on yourself and concentrate on the contribution you’re making to the rest of the world, you tend not to worry much about your flaws.

Confidence Boost girl

“Never dull your shine for somebody else.” – Tyra Banks

Many people downplay their successes and focus on those things they struggle with. This is a big mistake. Continually remind yourself of your past accomplishments. It does not matter how small they may be.

Do not downplay the positive parts of your life. When you remember past successes, you continue to develop your achievement playbook. The bigger and better your achievement playbook the more quickly you create future successes.

After the end of each day and week, take a few moments to sit and reflect on what went well, and what you did to make your day and week successful and fun

Be prepared to be surprised by how much your confidence peaks as time goes by.

Confidence by breathing

Your physiology changes when you feel insecure. This insecurity causes your breathing to become faster and shallower.

Your emotions impact your physiology, but it can also work the other way. Here is a calming breathing technique for stress, anxiety and panic that only takes minutes and you can do anywhere.

Your body position doesn’t matter. You can stand up, sit in a chair or lie on a bed or yoga mat on the floor. Loosen any clothes that restrict your breathing and make yourself as comfortable as you can.

With your feet roughly shoulder-width apart:

  • Allow your breathing to flow as deep down into your belly as is comfortable, without forcing it.
  • Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.
  • Breathe in regularly and gently. Some people find it helpful to count, try counting from one to five.
  • Then, let your breath flow out gently, without pausing or holding your breath, again repeat counting from one to five, but only if you found this helpful.
  • Keep doing this for three to five minutes.

As you do this, you will notice your negative emotions dropping and you will feel more confident. You will get the most benefit if you do it regularly, as part of a daily routine.

Confidence by focusing on action

That feeling of insecurity causes your thoughts to go into a negative cycle. You start thinking negative, dramatic things. This, in turn, triggers more negative and more dramatic thoughts and so on.

We become so caught up in this internal dialogue that we lose touch with our goals. We make excuses, rationalise, tolerate, accept. And we put off.

women with Confidence

“We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.” – Carlos Castañeda

One way to get out of this cycle in a moment is to stop focusing on your thinking and instead take action.

In other words, you’re getting out of your head by doing something, and thus, you make the insecurity go down instead of rising. So if you want results, you have to take action. To gain confidence and get things done, take action.

Try these steps:

  • Identify the cause: Define what is making you feel uncomfortable.
  • Acknowledge that it is uncomfortable.
  • Choose not to let fear keep you from enjoying the success you deserve.
  • Take action: Pick one small positive step that you can take right now. And then do it!

When you take action, you don’t have time to make excuses, second-guess yourself or think about the “what if’s”,. And the more you take action, the less scary it becomes.

Stop!

Feelings of stress are often reflected by increased muscular tension, especially in the hands, shoulders and face. By deliberately and intentionally relaxing muscles, it is possible to halt and reverse this process of growing tension and stress.

There is a straightforward and effective technique for doing so. You focus on your internal dialogue and when you not that it becomes full of negative thoughts you say with conviction: “Stop!” Either out loud, or if it’s not convenient, in your internal dialogue.

You can have a shot a doing it yourself by following these steps:

  • Say “Stop!” when you experience a recurring negative or stressful thought, either aloud or to yourself.
  • Negate the thought by exchanging the negative thought for a positive one. Replace “I cannot…” or “I will not…” with “I can…” or “I will…”
  • Take a deep breath to let go of the tension and help you relax. Say the peaceful thought out loud or in your mind repeatedly until the negative thought disappears.
  • Repeat this technique every time you notice the recurring thought.

This STOP self-command interrupts the negative internal dialogue. This prevents it from spinning out of control and helps you boost your confidence.

Confidence by working out

It’s not about hitting the gym for a few hours. It is along the same lines as dressing well. Physical fitness and exercise have a huge effect on self-confidence.

It’s about using a couple of minutes to do some simple exercising, like stretching or walking briskly.

Exercise helps release tension in the muscles and boosts your endorphin levels. Endorphins are your body’s natural drug for improving your mood, including your confidence.

If you’re out of shape, you’ll feel insecure, unattractive, and less energetic. By working out, you improve your physical appearance, energise yourself, and do something positive. Having the discipline to work out not only makes you feel better, but it also creates positive momentum that you can build on the rest of the day.

Think of your qualities

A lot of times, lack of confidence is a result of losing sight of our qualities. Identifying our good qualities can be challenging when we believe we are not worth much.

We tend to exaggerate our flaws and because of this, we think we are going to do badly.

When you feel like this, your negative thoughts distort your perception of yourself.

And you overlook all the positives. However, they’re not the truth even though you might believe it. No matter who you are, you are not worthless, and you do have good qualities.

When you feel this negative spiral, consciously remember your good qualities, especially those which are relevant in the context.

For example, you are making a presentation to the entire company. Reminding yourself how well organised you are in your speaking will boost your confidence.

These simple strategies work well, but they are merely temporary patches. If you find yourself needing regularly, it may be a sign you’re not addressing your confidence issues at their roots. For your well-being addressing the roots is an important thing.

Let me know what strategies you use to give yourself a confidence boost. Share them in the comments section.

Five Ways To Be Successful From Ray Kroc

I reference McDonald’s and Ray Kroc frequently when coaching in business. I love the consistency of product and service that they deliver. Many businesses could afford to learn from them.

At the end of a coaching session, a friend gave me a copy of Grinding It Out in appreciation of the work we did together and the success he had. The book recounts how Ray Kroc built McDonald’s.

Packed with business and life lessons it makes for a great read. Before I share them, I need to give you some background on McDonald’s.

In 1940, two brothers, Richard and Maurice (Mac) McDonald started the business.

Ray Kroc knew about the business because the restaurant was using eight of his Multimixer milkshake machines.

He was curious. No other restaurant used as many of his Multimixers as they did. So Ray Kroc went to San Bernadino, California to find out more about the restaurant.

The restaurant ran a streamlined operation.

It was self-serve, commonplace now but groundbreaking in the 1950’s. It maintained a simple menu of six items: hamburgers, cheeseburgers, french fries, milkshakes, soft drinks, and apple pie.

The most appealing aspect of the business had to do with the worker’s efficiency. Each worker’s steps got formatted as if working on an assembly line.

Ray Kroc Success: Eat What Makes You Happy

“It costs little for you to think big, but it costs you a fortune to think less of yourself.” – David Brett-Williams

This assembly line provided savings in preparation time which allowed the restaurant to serve higher volumes of people.

This, in turn, helped to lower the food costs to the business. Giving them a significant advantage over their competitors.

At what age do you stop looking for opportunities? If you were in your 50’s, would you have the audacity and drive to build something new, something huge?

Ray Kroc only started building McDonald’s when he was 52. Click To Tweet

The lesson hit me square in the face. Partly because I am that age and also because sometimes I doubt whether I have the energy to drive new ventures.

But the lesson is there, it is never too late to build something new in your life. You can unlock more opportunities in your life.

Here are five lessons I have taken from Grinding It Out :

1. Opportunity mindset

At the age of 52, Ray Kroc firmly believed that the best was still ahead of him. Whatever your age right now, are you on the lookout for opportunities?

Kroc made a reasonable living selling kitchen equipment to restaurants. He was past his prime (or was he?), but that didn’t stop him looking for opportunities.

And central to that was his mindset. He firmly believed that whatever his age there was more to come. Kroc got outside his comfort zone and went looking for opportunities.

He kept looking for opportunities and eventually found a restaurant named McDonald’s.

You have to be looking for opportunities to recognise one when it presents itself. Maybe it depends on how you define yourself. Click To Tweet

If you think you don’t have the energy to drive a new venture because you are over the hill, then you won’t spot a tremendous opportunity even when it is under your nose.

If you are not happy with how you define yourself then change the definition of who you are.

2. Act quickly to seize opportunities

When Ray Kroc heard about an innovative restaurant, he decided to travel to see it himself. No delays.

Staggered by the vast potential of the restaurant, he immediately began to negotiate with the McDonald’s brothers. No delays.

He formed the McDonald’s corporation and opened his first restaurant in 1955. No delays.

Windows of opportunity present themselves. If you delay, there is every likelihood that window will close. I fall victim to over thinking things. Never-ending analysis eats up my time  when I should take action.

The opportunity is lost as too much time passes by. That window of opportunity closes.

When an opportunity presents itself, do what Ray Kroc did and act quickly. No delays.

3. Vision of success

Ray Kroc developed a vision of success of what McDonald’s would become. Having decided to seize the opportunity, he focused intently on it.

He placed great emphasis on the uniformity and consistency from restaurant to restaurant.

Initially, he opened and ran the restaurants to profitability before allowing them to be franchised.

Success: Vision is key

“A leader has the vision and conviction that a dream can be achieved. He inspires the power and energy to get it done.” – Ralph Lauren

There was no allowance in Kroc’s focus to get sidetracked. He consistently devoted his energy, money and time to the business.

Until the business got off the ground, he didn’t take a salary. Imagine the sense of conviction to your vision to forgo any salary for years.

Committed to making his vision a reality, he did not get bored because it was taking longer than he hoped. He did not get distracted because it was routine and mundane.

Maybe, I am just calling myself out on a few shortcomings there.

Having a clear vision, Ray Kroc rejected any short-term opportunity that deterred him reaching this vision.

4. Think like Ray Kroc

Ray Kroc saw franchising the name out as the best potential growth for the company.

Unbothered by the plan, the brothers allowed Kroc to get on the mission by himself while using their restaurant’s name.

The two brothers could have built the chain themselves. But they were thinking too small. A little too satisfied with the comfortable life they had from their one restaurant.

They lacked the opportunity mindset that Ray Kroc developed.

Kroc, on the other hand, already imagined hundreds of restaurants across the country even before he came to the negotiating table.

He was thinking big. He had a vision. And that made the difference.

This reminds me of the Michelangelo quote.

“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”

In a future post, I will talk about big hairy audacious goals.

In 1961, Kroc decided to continue the journey alone without the McDonald brothers. He bought the two brothers out for $2.7 million USD.

And then embarked on his mission to make McDonald’s “the number one fast-food chain in the United States.”

5. Build a strong team

Kroc found the right people and put them in the right positions. He recruited people who complemented his own weaknesses yet built upon each other’s strengths.

He built and maintained a strong team, and many team members stayed with the company for years.

With their help, the company grew quickly, and McDonald’s became a worldwide brand.

Looking at your strengths and weaknesses, you build a team around you that will let you make your vision a reality.

No one person can do it alone. Much of the credit for the company’s business success must go to the team and not Kroc.

Structured to earn revenue as an investor in properties, McDonald’s also generates a revenue stream as a franchiser of restaurants and an operator of restaurants.

It was this investment in property which converted McDonald’s into a money machine.

The management team devised the property investment strategy. And that is why they have a business plan that is unequalled in the food business.

And that ethic exists today.

McDonald’s understands the contribution and importance of every person within the organisation. And considers each individual employee as a vital part of achieving success.

You may find the  Beginner’s Guide To Motivating Employees an asset too.

I learned a lot of lessons about success from this book.

To develop an opportunity mindset, act quickly to seize opportunities, have a clear vision of the future, while thinking big and build a strong team to support your vision.

What about you? Feel free to share your thoughts.

How To Pick Yourself Up After Rejection

We have all felt the pain of rejection at some time in our life. It stings. It hurts.

‘I’m sorry to have to tell you that your job application was unsuccessful.’

‘It was a spur of the moment thing, or I would have called to see if you wanted to join us.’

‘We want different things.’

One episode of rejection still resonates with me. I think back to the time I had just finished university.

With my degree in my hand, I felt like I was invincible. I could do anything that I wanted, and the world would have to accommodate me!

Young, naïve and nervous I walked into my first ‘real’ interview. The person in front of me was a tall man, well over six feet with a deep, commanding voice and the attitude to go with it.

 

‘I can do this’, I told myself. He’s not that scary, and I started to answer his questions with confidence and conviction.

I even threw in some humour for good measure but made sure I didn’t overstep the mark. He didn’t seem the type to put up with that.

I felt I was in there for hours and he didn’t give a thing away until it was time to go.

Rejection The strength of a spider's web

“I believe that rejection is a blessing because it’s the universe’s way of telling you that there’s something better out there.” – Michelle Phan

As I left, he shook my hand and then smiled. He told me that I had done well. He assured me that I would hear from him in a few days, as there were still others to interview.

That didn’t seem to matter, I felt confident. After all, I got a smile.

Over the ensuing week, I waited with nervous anticipation and inside felt confident that I had wowed the ‘big man’.

The call

Then it came, the phone call. I had worked so hard for those years of my life, and this was the moment of truth.

Was I good enough? Had I done enough?

I listened intently to his words and could feel myself smiling as he said that I had ‘been the strongest candidate’. The excitement started to engulf my entire being and then.

The words that followed were not ones I had even considered hearing, my heart seemed to stop beating, and I couldn’t breathe.

‘However, we are sorry to say that we are not able to offer you the position because we feel that you are overqualified’. Those words cut straight into me.

I couldn’t believe it.

Everything I had worked for and to be told that I was overqualified. I had done too much!

My mind raced. How could I be overqualified? Those early morning lectures, late nights essays and huge projects all worked against me. It made no sense at all.

The next two weeks were agonising. Had all that studying been for nothing? Or had I got the balance of qualifications versus experience wrong?

I was mourning my time at university, even though I had a great time while I was there.

The unexpected call

I managed to pull myself together, helped by a chance meeting with an old school friend. They helped set up an interview with one of the largest companies in the world.

First things first, make sure I wasn’t overqualified. No, I wasn’t. This place loved ‘academics’.

As I researched the company, the people and the prospects I realised that this was so much more for me than the last position.

I had undersold myself. I hadn’t aimed high enough.

Suddenly, life took an unexpected turn. I received a call. It was the ‘big man’. What could he want?

Well whatever it was, it didn’t matter. The new prospect was the only job that I wanted. However, I would still have to take the call, and I was curious to see what he wanted.

I remember thinking as I put the phone down; I can’t believe this. The cheek of it!  Even if they can, they shouldn’t.

He called to offer me the job! The person hired didn’t possess the right attitude and was let go.

I laughed to myself.

But what should I do? Take this job, reject it because I deserve more or ask for time to think to see if I get the other job and then decide between the two.

From early childhood we face rejection. The playground can be the cruellest place.

You’re not playing, and it’s my ball so go away. You’re not coming to my party. That’s always a favourite with girls!

How To Pick Yourself Up After Rejection

“You can’t allow rejection to stop you from getting what you want.” – David Brett-Williams

What makes some of us act as though nothing has happened, yet others of us can go into meltdown mode with floods of tears and behave as if the world has ended?

Does it depend on what we are being rejected for?

The short answer is ‘No’. Whether we are turned down when applying for a job or a love interest, rejection hurts.

Not being offered a job after an interview or not being invited to a friend’s party. Most of us struggle with dealing with rejection.

Does rejection actually hurt?

Studies show that the pain of rejection can manifest physical results. So it is best to address rejection when it arrives rather than ignore it.

A 2003 study by researchers from Purdue University and the University of California, published in Science magazine, found that being turned down or rejected activates the same regions of the brain as that when we feel physical pain.

In 2011, another study showed that the pain experienced from seeing a picture of a former partner from an unwanted relationship breakup was similar to having hot coffee spilt on a forearm.

Is it always as bad as it seems?

When bad news is delivered most of us go straight to negative thoughts which results in stress. However, is it the situation itself causing the stress or merely our perception of it?

Not getting a job or being rejected by a partner can leave us with overwhelming negative thoughts about what we have done wrong or why this is happening to us.

But as human beings, we go through various emotions and disappointment is one of them.

It’s okay to feel upset. After all, we are human and have emotional responses. Let yourself feel the pain, cry or even shout but make sure there is an end to it.

We have to find a way of breaking this cycle of the negative, ruminating thoughts that convince us that we aren’t up to the job or simply useless.

How to handle being rejected

There is more to rejection than just pain. It leaves us feeling insecure and questioning our decisions. Click To Tweet

As human beings, we need security. Rejection makes us doubt ourselves.

Stress levels may begin to increase, and this can affect our ability to sleep and concentrate.

For some, rejection can also lead to aggression, irritability, and withdrawal from our usual circles. Hence, it is imperative that we deal with it.

People that deal with rejection best seem to be those that have a higher sense of self-worth and who have more social power.

Those who value a high sense of individuality also do better than people who have a greater need for being part of a group.

Most of us would probably never even dream that those with self-confidence are also known to use rejection as a tool for self-improvement!

To deal with rejection, we have to develop effective responses to it.

Notice and accept how you are feeling

Rejection leaves us feeling down, fed up and even angry and when feeling stressed we usually see everything in black and white.

We need to stand back and notice that we are feeling this way so that we can understand and acknowledge what is happening.

This enables our mind to stop spending endless energy asking ourselves questions that will not help us and then accept what is happening.

As we know, human beings experience feelings of disappointment and negativity. However, feeling that way for extended periods does not do us any good.

Psychologists believe that it is how we explain an experience to ourselves. A rejection letter can be seen as the end of the world by some, but others tell themselves ‘so I didn’t get the job, nobody died’.

This positive and optimistic approach can be the difference between sinking into a hole and feeling negative or thinking ‘what have I learnt, what’s next’?

We need to accept what has happened and put our energy to good use. Where it matters.

Take action

Your next questions should be what can I do right now and how do I do it? Here are some important next steps.

Positive self-talk

Andy Cope, author of ‘The little book of emotional intelligence’ suggests we all have reserves of ‘ordinary magic’ – an inbuilt ability to bounce back from adversity.

And I think he’s right. While the human body is amazing, the human spirit is even more amazing.

How To Pick Yourself Up After Rejection

“We all learn lessons in life. Some stick, some don’t. I have always learned more from rejection and failure than from acceptance and success.” – Henry Rollins

Cope explains that it’s possible to train your inner voice towards something more positive. He says: “It helps if you can learn to be your own best friend.

On job rejections (we’ve all had them) I always tell myself, ‘Crikey, they’ve missed out.”.

Giving in to negative thoughts is easy but break yourself out of that rejection cycle with positive thoughts and build yourself back so you can get back on whatever horse you fell off.

Catch-up with those who can help

Positive self-talk is a great ‘weapon’, but this can be easier said than done. You may need to call in reinforcements, and we all have friends, colleagues or family we can turn to.

Ask them to help with positive talk as they can often see what we don’t and remember what we forget. This also stops us withdrawing from our life as we know it. It can be a fantastic boost.

However, make sure you turn to people whose opinions matter and that you respect. Avoid those who reinforce unrealistic expectations.

Self-confidence

Set aside some time to review your achievements and then start to make a list of your strengths and key qualities. What are you good at? What can you do that others are in awe of?

We all have skills that others come to us for. Write them down.

If you would like other ways to increase your self-confidence you might like this.

List the things you have done which make you proud, positive contributions.

Read and reread these at times that your brain won’t settle, when the negativity wants to take over. For many of us that is in the middle of the night – keep your list by your bedside.

Why go back for more possible rejection

We’ve all heard that entrepreneurs like Richard Branson and Bill Gates fail many, many times in business before they succeed. So, what makes them different? They learn how to accept rejection.

Each time they hear ‘NO’, they acknowledge that they are a step closer to the ‘YES’ they are searching for.

Persevering despite facing rejection is the only way to continue, regardless of whether you are looking for work or love.

What’s next?

Try to have a contingency plan. When you have another job interview scheduled an unsuccessful one feels less tragic.

Whatever the reasons for rejection, you can work on them and develop an improved you.

First things first, always try and gain feedback on what they feel didn’t work or needed improvement. We all find it hard to accept ‘criticism’, but to succeed, we must address any shortcomings to prepare us for the next attempt.

Technical knowledge is one of the most common reasons for unsuccessful job interviews. It doesn’t mean that the knowledge isn’t there, but merely the ability to put the information across may need polishing.

Learning the answers to questions you think will come up is a great way to ensure you say everything that you need to. Even jot down examples of situations and experiences that you’ve had, that could work in your favour.

If you are attending a competency-based interview, you may find it useful to use the STAR technique. It has been around for some time and is still useful.

You can use specific examples, in a clear and concise manner, of how you were able to resolve a task or tackle a situation using this acronym:

  • Situation – simply describe the situation you were in.
  • Task – what was required of you.
  • Action – what you did or may have delegated to others.
  • Result – what was the outcome of the situation.

This is a technique that works for many people but you may have to prepare your answers as thinking on your feet can be tricky under interview conditions.

It’s just one point in time

Just remember, people get rejected  for all sorts of reasons, and it’s often not a reflection on you.

How To Pick Yourself Up After Rejection

“A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success.”  – Bo Bennett

Although disappointing, rejection does not make you worthless. This is one point in time and no one is defined by one experience.

I once asked a manager how long it took him to decide that he was going to offer me a position during my interview. His reply ‘about 30 seconds’.

In that short a period of time I did not have a chance to make a meaningful impression, I am not sure I had even managed to take a seat.

Frequently, it is gut instinct from the interviewer. You ‘click’ or you don’t. Not a real reflection of your skills or ability.

So my job situation I told you about, well initially the employer thought I was overqualified, and they rejected me! So, after thinking about their reconsidered offer as a whole, I rejected them.

I realised that the world had so much to offer me and that I shouldn’t sell myself short just because I was scared and didn’t know what was out there.

I took some time to find the right position. That position was not the only position out there for me.

No one job, person or partner is the only one for any of us.

It might take some searching for the right one, but it’s out there.

Why Everyone Needs To Have Affirmations

Mantra comes from one of the oldest languages in the world. It is a Sanskrit word, that means “vehicle of the mind”and people commonly call them affirmations.

That sounds pretty cool, vehicle of the mind. Think of it as words or sounds that you would repeat to aid your concentration by quieting your mind while meditating.

When we repetitively focus on our mantra, it helps to block out other thoughts temporarily. This allows our minds to slow down, even if only for a moment or two.

Why Everyone Needs To Have Affirmations

“Mantra is a powerful combination of words which, if recited, takes the vibratory effect of each of your molecules into the Infinity of the Cosmos.” – Yogi Bhajan

I get that not everyone is into meditation, but a Mantra can help us in other ways too. It can help us to impress our subconscious minds with new beliefs; to oust and replace beliefs we’ve identified that don’t serve us.

As said earlie Mantra can be another word for “affirmation” or “incantation”, but I like using a derivative. An “I Can Tation” is expressed with emotional energy, intensity, and conviction.

An I Can Tation

I Can Tations have helped thousands of people make significant changes in their lives. I want you to think of them as statements said with absolute confidence about a perceived truth.

They work because of their ability to program your mind into believing the concept you stated.

The mind doesn’t know the difference between what is imagined, real, or remembered. You experience the same emotional and physiological responses whichever of the three we experience.

The words composing the affirmation, automatically and involuntarily, bring up related mental images into the mind, which could inspire, energise and motivate.

Repeating affirmations, and the resultant mental images, affect the subconscious mind, which in turn, influences the behaviour, habits, and reactions.

What I Can Tations Do

They motivate us and keep our mind focused on the goal.
They influence the subconscious mind and change the way you think and behave, and this can bring you into contact with new people, who can help you with your goals.

You can add more muscle to an I Can Tation, so it has the power to triumph over negative thinking. Here is how to make them work for you.

Step 1:

Make a list of what you consider to be your negative qualities. And make sure you include any criticism others have made of you. The stuff that you’ve been holding onto for far too long.

Now is not the time to judge if they’re accurate. Just make a note of them and look for a common theme, such as “I am not good enough.”

What a great place to start making a shift in your life.

Step 2:

Write out an I Can Tation on the positive aspect of your self-judgment. I have to use a thesaurus to find more impactful words to beef up my I Can Tations.

Why Everyone Needs To Have Affirmations

Phrase it in the positive and present. For example instead of saying, “I’m not good enough.” You could say, “I am valued and remarkable.”

When you tell yourself you are discarding negative behaviours and thoughts, you focus will be on those negatives.

Now is the time to focus on what you want to do and be. It is best to avoid words like “don’t,” “won’t,” “am not,” “can’t,” “not,” “doesn’t,” or “am stopping.”

Instead of “I’m eliminating my negative thoughts,” create an affirmation such as, “I am happy being who I am. I am me.”

And positive statements make you feel active, energetic and focused. Therefore, they put you in a better position to transform your inner and external worlds.

Keep it as short and simple as possible but no shorter. This makes affirmations easier to remember. Affirmations of four or five words can be massively powerful.

Focus on your desired future outcome and word it in a way that resonates deeply with your inner desires.

Doubts Get In The Way

This is a great time to check that you really want what you are affirming. So ask yourself if you have doubts about what you want.

positive affirmations

Your doubts will get in your way unless you are definite that you want it. This is undoubtedly one of the reasons why people don’t get results, and then lose their belief in the power of I Can Tations.

The mind will naturally bring up doubts and negative thoughts. Especially if your current situation or environment is very different from what you want to achieve. Stick with it, and never allow your negative thoughts and doubts conquer you.

If you don’t believe your statement, you’ll take timid actions and be hesitant, sure that you won’t be able to succeed.

If you write an affirmation that is truly difficult for you to believe, write another one that starts with, “I am open to . . .” or “I am willing to believe I could . . .”

I tend to keep my I Can Tations private, but it may help to seek out a friend’s help. Ask them to read it to see if they have any suggestions to make it more powerful.

Step 3:

You might want to find some alone time for this. Say your I Can Tation out loud with confidence and certainty for at least two minutes three times a day.

It is vital to devote some particular times during the day for repeating them. I found an excellent time to do this is when you are getting ready in the morning.

So you can look at yourself in the mirror as you repeat your I Can Tation.

And you can repeat them wherever you are, and whenever you want and have the time.

Remember to affirm with feeling, love, and intensity. And believe and feel that your desire has already been fulfilled. This kind of thinking increases the effectiveness of your I Can Tation.

Repetition

Working with a mantra requires repetition, and this is where it gets its power. Click To Tweet

Repeating a mantra out loud works better than repeating it inside your head, but both ways still work. What a relief! It is still possible to use the power of mantra within earshot of others without appearing like a total nutjob.

Why Everyone Needs To Have Affirmations

“I know what it’s like to feel that fear and the need of affirmation and appreciation. To build confidence in yourself is the toughest thing.” – Shakira

I like to write it out several times on post-it notes or in a notebook. This helps to reinforce the new belief.

Mantras are personal, and there is an infinite selection of words and phrases that can help to shift our vibration in any given moment. Whenever inner turmoil strikes, choose a mantra to soothe and counteract and repeat, repeat, repeat.

A good mantra is one that just feels right. But there are a few tried and tested that, while simple and ubiquitous, can work for almost anyone.

Following are a few of my favourites:
“I am more powerful than I realise.”
“I am loving, lovable and loved.”

It’s important not to be too precious with our mantras. If none of the above resonates, play around with phrases until you find what works for you.

The Happiness Affirmations:

I am letting happiness manifest in my life.
I am grateful for all the good in my life.
Happiness always seeks me.
I am developing the habit of happiness.

The Health Affirmations:

All of my body’s systems are functioning perfectly.
Every cell of my body vibrates with the healing energy of health.
The Universe heals my body and mind with its energy.
Day by day I get stronger.

The Success Affirmations:

I am worthy.
Success always seeks me.
Success flows into my life.
The Universe helps me achieve my goals.

The Wealth Affirmations:

Wealth flows into my life.
Every day I get more and more money.
I am a magnet for wealth.
I now earn what I am worth.

A great starting point is simply: “I am.” Then followed by whatever it is you wish to be or feel. Click To Tweet
Why Everyone Needs To Have Affirmations

“The words ‘I am’, which you consistently use to define who you are and what you are capable of, are holy expressions for the name of God . The highest aspect of yourself.” – Wayne Dyer

Add emotion to your affirmations by inserting, “I am [emotion] about . . .” or “I feel [emotion].” For example, you could say, “I am excited about being able to express what I think.”

So, use these words with conscious care. They can change your life and help you rock your universe.

If you have some favourite “I can tations” or affirmations of your own, please share in the comments below.