The Best Way To Take Advantage Of How You Define Success

We can learn to take advantage of what makes us happy to achieve a fulfilled life. Does that sound appealing, a fulfilled life?

Great, then let’s get started.

But first, we need to go back to our definition of success.

If you were to ask a ton of people, “What is success?” You would quickly realise that the answer to that question depends on who you ask.

I would be willing to bet that there are as many different definitions as there are people to question.

And with the multitude of differing opinions, the entire issue of success becomes confusing.

Society Dictates

Besides, when there are so many options, then it becomes difficult for anyone to decide for themselves what success means.

Frequently, people let society tell them what success is.

And that might work for some. But others want to make that decision on their own.

The challenge with letting someone else decide on ‘your‘ definition of success is that you significantly decrease the chances that you will end up with a definition of success that works for you.

I don’t know many people that would go out to eat and let a stranger order for them in a restaurant.

The odds dictate that you will end up eating what they like. And in all likelihood, you won’t end up with a meal that suits your tastes.

I know that was an extreme example, but it is because of this that understanding the exact nature of success becomes critical for happiness and fulfilment.

Eat The Dinner You Choose

If you never develop the ability and skill to make your own decision, then you run the risk of ending up eating someone else’s dinner.

And doing it repeatedly.

If we are to eat the dinner, we need to see the items available on the menu. Then we can choose what best suits us.

When you read to the end, you will know the main choices that are on the menu of success.

And another advantage is that most, if not all, of these menu items, can be ordered a’ la carte.

What that means is you can select only the items that you want.

The advantage is that the definition of success that you choose can be as individualistic as you are.

The Menu

Let’s start by casting our eyes over the main categories on this menu. Then we can get a good idea of how to successfully tailor our own order for success.

Many people have a definition of success centred on objects.

Applying this definition, to be a successful person you must have a number of material possessions.

All of these will demonstrate to the world the measure of that person’s success. And it has to be on show!

Every one of us knows the types of objects at issue here.

If we are honest with one another, then all of us, to one extent or another, feel the influence of this definition of success.

What we are talking about are fashionable clothes, expensive electronic devices, large houses, and multiple vehicles.

Because of their collective price tag, these material trappings tell the whole wide world that their owner his rich enough to be able to purchase them.

Material Success

These material trappings may provide comfort to the owner, but they also show the world know his or her social status.

And that is just as important as the comfort they provide.

We call this definition “material success.”

Don’t let me confuse the matter, I see nothing wrong with seeking and gaining material success.

It is a blessing to live in a wonderful world that is chock full of some very amazing items.

For example, I am lost without my phone.

And I will confess to feeling more confident when I have a nice watch on my wrist.

I am hopeful that each of us will be blessed to be able to have the chance to sample some of these material treats.

We have talked about money as a measure of success, but it is also a measure of security.

My Mum told me many times, “Money is the root of all evil.” Thanks Mum, but aside form that, it can provide for the necessities of life.

Not just for you but also for those you love and who depend upon you.

Potent Motivating Force

So it is easy to see why material success becomes an obvious choice for many.

The pull of all that luxury, as well as the financial security, is a potent motivating force to work hard and progress.

And this pull can become so strong that it blinds people those to other options that might be available.

The challenge is that these additional options are necessary for your complete success.

Without these other options, material success can become a hollow and empty trap that, ironically, in time does not feel the least bit successful or gratifying.

Spiritual Success

A second category on the menu of success is spiritual. It is easy to think of spiritual success as the exact opposite of material success.

With material success, we rely on external and material objects. With spiritual success, we concentrate on internal development.

This in turn often leads to rejecting the majority of material possessions.

Most people would commonly define spiritual success as a “religious” pursuit.

And yes, spirituality is closely defined with organised religions, religious behaviour does not entirely define the entire category of human spirituality.

It is logical and probable that our first definition of success was materialistic. After all, we developed in a harsh and competitive world.

Hyper-Competitive

Think back to when our distant ancestors eked out their existence.

In this world, resources were limited because so many others species were competing for the same resources.

At first inspection, this might seem cruel. Looking more deeply, we can see it was nature’s way of providing a check and balance system.

Designed to guard against the uncontrolled growth of one species at the expense of the others.

Nature did not have an individuals survival as its goal. For nature, variety was the goal.

In this hyper-competitive world, the individuals who can most successfully stockpile a surplus of resources survived.

Human beings, as rational hunter-gatherers, became adept at not only identifying potential food sources but efficiently exploiting those resources.

We moved beyond mere hunting and gathering into pastoralism and agriculture when we developed this ability to find, exploit and preserve.

We moved eventually into higher social technologies. And with this transition, we became even better competitors in the process.

Nature’s Definition Of Success

As this happened, we brought nature’s definition of success with us.

The economies we created began to reflect the fact that the preferred goal was abundance.

Hence logically, individual success was predicated upon how much resources that individual possessed.

And so, the concept of material success was created.

In this world, a wealthy individual was not only physically better prepared to survive, but they were also perceived by others as being more worthy of survival than someone who was less fortunate.

We then began to interpret material possessions or the lack thereof as indicators of moral standing.

Scarcity

Scarcity existed in the natural world just as it existed in the economic systems we created. And this was the problem.

In the natural world, no moral judgment is made against an individual who has less. However, the penalty for having less in the wilds of the natural world was not surviving.

And we carried a similar theme in human communities. The penalty for having less was social segregation.

If you had less, you would be segregated into a social class (the have-nots) that was deemed lower and less desirable than those who had more (the haves).

Moral Judgement

Very quickly people realised that this moral judgement had profound effects outside of mere individual survival.

So they focused intently on material possessions and money as the way to happiness and fulfilment.

And so began the rush for individual material survival.

As a consequence of individual material survival, some human values fell by the wayside.

The human values that defined survival in the wild were ignored or became less critical.

And these are positive traits such as cooperation, gratefulness, sharing, and social responsibility.

These became liabilities in the new world brought about by modern human economics. The new world of individual competition.

Religion

Human religions reacted to this new world. They focused on what became known as spiritual values to the same degree as economics focused on material values.

In many religions, possessions and material goods became a negative attribute and even a taboo.

Material goods and possessions were seen as a symbol of how spiritually undeveloped an individual was.

And the only way an individual could obtain spiritual success was to reject material culture completely.

As humans we derive protection and natural comfort from possessions. So this benefit was lost.

And the human inclination to gather possessions and material good was ignored.

The coldness and austerity of spiritual success became the equivalent of the arrogance and pomposity of material success.

Common Ground

With no common ground between the two approaches, if a person was looking to achieve success they had to adopt an either/or approach.

Your choice was to choose material success, and with that reject any element of spirituality in the process.

Or spiritual success and with that choice reject the protection and comfort that material possessions bring.

It is obvious that this is not a workable solution. And it is still a situation that persists to the present day.

Even today, people continue to be confused in choosing between material and spiritual success.

And the divide that causes this confusion continues is perpetuated by modern consumer economics and modern religion.

And the sad consequence is that many of us fail at achieving true success because we are forced to adopt a definition of success that is not to our tastes.

We let someone else peruse the menu and order success for us.

A Solution

Before you despair, there is a solution to this dilemma.

Very rarely are important issues entirely black and white. And as important to individual fulfilment as success is, it too is not entirely black and white.

The difficult choice between material success and spiritual success is largely a result of circumstances and tradition.

And this choice is a false one.

Liberated Success

A third choice exists. And this choice is actually no choice at all. The third option is “liberated success”.

As the name implies, liberated success serves to free the individual from the tyranny of choice between material and spiritual success.

The advantage to liberated success is the empowerment or even re-empowerment of the person with the capability to choose the elements of success that make the most sense to them.

This means they pick and choose from the expansive menu of both material and spiritual success to form their own individual hybrid definition of success that can provide them with true happiness.

The Advantage

Being truly yourself in regards to your definition of success is a liberty.

And this provides the advantage that you do not need to be trapped in a lifestyle that promises to be fulfilling yet only delivers misery and unhappiness.

This liberty also means that the person who is happy is more likely to share that happiness with others.

When you take advantage of how you define success and apply a combination of the best elements of material and spiritual success, then you are able to bring about the best of all possible worlds for yourself and everyone involved.

If you liked this then subscribe and I will notify you when Recipe For Success becomes available.

9 Easy Ways to Counter Negative Self-Talk

When you free yourself of negative self-talk, you will free yourself from perfectionism. You will honour and accept the mistakes you make.

Don’t kid yourself, self-sabotage is an actual thing.

We make a mistake, reflect on it, and then feel guilty, and unintentionally dig ourselves into a deeper and darker hole.

And many of us repeat this cycle far too often.

And that negative side of our thinking doesn’t help.

Even if you hear that critical inner voice saying “you deserved that” the real answer is, “No! You didn’t.”

We should all be empowered, fearless and happy when working towards our dreams.

Effects of Negative Self-Talk

Obviously, there is the low self-esteem that comes from negative self-talk. But there are also detrimental physical effects linked to self-criticism.

The world of personal development is filled with teachers who claim that self-critical thoughts are not confined to the mind.

In fact, their effect permeates every cell in our body, and this wreaks havoc on our physiology.

And they are 100% correct. There is now a body of research showing that adverse psychological events raise cortisol levels.

High cortisol levels are associated with anxiety, depression and irritability.

Low immune function, raised blood glucose levels, elevated blood pressure, weight gain, fatigue and muscle weakness are also found to occur in people with high cortisol levels.

This is serious because persisting with daily negative self-talk forces the body to live in fight-or-flight mode.

And this inhibits nearly every natural function.

Causes of Negative Self-Talk

Many people feel that negative self-talk just happens.

However, it is something that you actively do. It is an activity your brain generates automatically. And it becomes a habit.

Think of it as an autopilot response.

Following years of being criticised by a sibling, parent, or another significant figure the habit of negative self-talk is adopted.

For many, this happens as early as childhood.

Psychology has a phenomenon known as an introject. These are internal representations of the people who raised us.

If a child has a critical parent, they begin to internalise that parent.

The end result is the child carries around a self-critical inner voice that behaves exactly the same way the parent does.

That critical parent becomes a part that child.

How to Overcome Negative Self-Talk

Overcoming negative self-talk is straightforward. However, two things are required to happen:

1) Heal the underlying reasons for the self-criticism.

To overcome negative self-talk you need to integrate the introject in a healthy, compassionate way.

When the underlying issues have been resolved, the critical parent naturally fades.

The issues to deal with may have to do with anger, forgiveness, individuation, and learning to dismiss the assessment of others who have an agenda and to trust your own self-assessment more.

2) Develop a strategy to shift out of autopilot.

When you heal the underlying reasons for criticising yourself, you get left with the habit.

And as you already know, some habits can be tough to break.

Here are three ideas that may help.

Most people seek to resist their inner critic. And get caught in a vicious cycle.

They begin to criticise themselves for continuing to be self-critical.

You need to let that go and stop fighting.

The healing process we mentioned earlier starts with greater self-awareness and consciousness.

In summary, just listen. Don’t fight back or resist. Hear yourself out.

And don’t judge. Be patient and listen to that critical inner voice for what it is.

When you do, it loses much of its power.

Say to yourself, “I have a critical inner voice that is saying…” Then you get to repeat what your inner critic said.

Don’t judge, just listen, and repeat.

Prepare to be amazed at the objectivity this simple technique provides you.

Time to turn the tables entirely on your inner critic and ask for more feedback. Yes, more criticism.

And when you get more just do what we suggested earlier.

Listen, repeat and then ask for even more feedback.

The concept centres on raising your conscious awareness of what is actually going on inside your own head.

When you gain conscious awareness, then you can begin to control it and avoid going into autopilot mode.

When your inner critic no longer controls your thought processes, then it is time to move on.

Turn your attention to something outside of your own thinking.

Focus on how the temperature of the air feels.

Or how the weight of your body feels as you walk or sit in a chair.

Embrace the sounds around you by being quiet and extend your hearing as far as you can.

Doing activities like this is inherently calming and helps you embrace greater mindfulness.

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