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Home / 2018 / September

September 2018

How To Survive In The Face Of Adversity

Resilience is the reservoir of strength that people can call upon in difficult times to carry them through adversity without falling apart. It gives people the psychological power to cope with stress and hardship.

Psychologists believe that the more resilient the individual, the better they can handle adversity and rebuild after a catastrophe.

Logically, we all accept that dealing with adversity as well as change or loss is an inevitable part of life. We will all experience varying degrees of setbacks.

Some of these setbacks might be slight (not getting tickets to the concert you wanted to attend), while others are horrendous (death of a loved one).

How we deal with these setbacks plays a significant role in the long-term psychological consequences and may also affect the outcome as well.

Why We Avoid Adversity

Why We Avoid Adversity

You may have heard of The Pleasure Principle. That as human beings we seek to maximise pleasure and minimise pain. But it goes deeper than that.

On a deep biological level we are designed to avoid pain, and discomfort, and anything of the sort. Our nervous system is wired to see it as a threat which could lead to death. Whether it be vigorous exercise, awkward social encounters, public speaking or even waking up early.

So we tend to seek comfort as opposed to being uncomfortable. It is easier, feels better, and it is our standard operating procedure unless we actively choose to experience hardship and adversity.

What Is Resilience?

People that keep their cool in the face of adversity and disaster have what psychologists call resilience. This is an ability to cope with setbacks and problems.

How To Survive In The Face Of Adversity and setbacks

“We don’t develop courage by being happy every day. We develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.” – Barbara De Angelis

People who are resilient utilise their strengths to cope and recover from challenges and problems. These challenges may include financial issues, job loss, illness, medical emergencies, natural disasters, the death of a loved one, or divorce.

Instead of hiding from their problems with unhealthy coping strategies or falling into despair, resilient people choose to face life’s difficulties head on. Don’t kid yourself that this means they experience less anxiety, distress, or grief than other people do.

They handle these difficulties in ways that foster growth and strength. Quite frequently, they emerge stronger than they were before. Not only do they survive in the face of adversity, they thrive.

Psychological Distress

Those who lack resilience dwell on problems and use unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with life’s challenges. Failure and disappointment drive them to destructive, unhealthy, or even dangerous behaviours.

Individuals who lack resilience experience more psychological distress and are slower to recover from setbacks.

Resilience does not erase life’s difficulties or eliminate stress. Resilient people don’t see life through rose-tinted lenses. They understand and accept that adversity and setbacks happen and that sometimes life can be hard and painful.

How To Survive In The Face Of Adversity and setbacks

“You should never view your challenges as a disadvantage. Instead, it’s important for you to understand that your experience facing and overcoming adversity is actually one of your biggest advantages.” – Michelle Obama

They experience the emotional pain, grief, and sense of loss that is associated with a tragedy. But their mindset allows them to work through such feelings and recover.

Resilience gives people the strength to tackle problems head-on, overcome adversity, and move on with their lives.

Talk Through Setbacks

The odds dictate that at some point in your life, you are going to have to deal with a crisis or disaster. A few lucky people never experience this.

However, the majority of people will. And when it does happen, it may seem like it’s never going to end. But resiliency will help you get through it.

When a crisis hits, it is never a good idea to tackle it on your own. Keep in touch with everyone who is affected, especially if they are family members. Talk it through and commit to being there for each other.

Don’t bottle your feelings up and keep them to yourself. It’s only going to increase the pressure on you, so you explode with emotions later.

By discussing your feelings in a frank and open manner, you are more able to manage them.

New Perspectives

If you feel that you can’t share with those close to you, there are outside groups who deal with crises. There are hotlines and websites set up specifically for this cause.

Why We Avoid Adversity

“If you live long enough, you’ll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you’ll be a better person. It’s how you handle adversity, not how it affects you. The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit.” – William J. Clinton

Getting an external view can offer new perspectives. The chances are that these people have dealt with situations similar to yours. Even if they have not, they are trained to deal with crises and can still help.

The key is to use the resources available to you as soon as possible.

People pull together and help each other during times like this. When you are in a crisis, don’t be overly proud and refuse the help. That little bit of support can be the difference in you staying resilient.

Science demonstrates that we don’t develop resilience when we are younger, but we can also boost resilience in middle age. And that is important because that is often the time we need it most.

Extra Stressors

Aside from the challenges I mentioned earlier midlife could bring a host of extra stressors. These including divorce, the death of a parent, career setbacks and retirement worries.

So it is surprising that many of us fail to build the coping skills we need to meet these stressors.

I will introduce you to Dr Dennis Charney. He is the dean of the Icahn School of Medicine in New York City. And he is a resilience researcher.

How To Survive In The Face Of Adversity and setbacks

“The journey is never ending. There’s always gonna be growth, improvement, adversity; you just gotta take it all in and do what’s right, continue to grow, continue to live in the moment.” – Antonio Brown

As he was leaving a delicatessen, he was shot by a worker who was involved in a dispute with his employer. The Doctor spent five days in intensive care and then faced a challenging recovery.

Be Resilient Myself

He said, “After 25 years of studying resilience, I had to be resilient myself.”

Dr Charney, who co-authored the book “Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges” went on to say, “It’s good to be prepared for it, but it’s not too late once you’ve been traumatised to build the capability to move forward in a resilient way.”

The good news is that many of the qualities developed through experience –  concern for future generations, the ability to regulate emotions, and a broader perspective gained from life experiences – give us more mature people an advantage when it comes to developing resilience.

How to survive in the face of adversity and setbacks

“All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me… You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.” – Walt Disney

Let’s think of resilience as a muscle. And like other muscles, it can be strengthened at any time. Except resilience is an emotional muscle that is waiting for you to strengthen it.

Here are a few ways you can strengthen your resilience.

■ Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone

You don’t build resilience just from negative experiences. You can also build it by placing yourself in challenging situations.

Run a half marathon. Share your secret comedic skills with strangers at an open mike night.

When you place yourself in challenging situations, your stress hormone systems will become less responsive to stress. In turn, you will handle stress better.

Choose to live your life in such a  way that you get the experiences that enable you to handle stress.

■ Reframe The Story

Reframe the situation, focusing on the opportunity the setback presents. Here is Dr Charney again, “Once you are a trauma victim it stays with you, but I knew I could be a role model. I have thousands of students watching my recovery. This gives me a chance to utilise what I’ve learned.”

Many studies show the benefits to reframing the personal narrative of a setback. The personal narrative is the story that you tell yourself about the event. And this shapes our view of the world and ourselves.

Why We Avoid Adversity

“When adversity strikes, that’s when you have to be the most calm. Take a step back, stay strong, stay grounded and press on.” – LL Cool J

A Harvard University study looked at people who were taught to reframe stress. The ones who reframed stress as a way to fuel better performance managed their stress better physiologically and did better on tests than those taught to merely ignore stress.

First learn to recognise the story that you tend to use to explain the events in your life. Then you can observe what you are saying to yourself and question it.

■ Depersonalise It

Everyone one of us tends to blame ourselves for life’s setbacks. And then we engage in the mental gymnastics of turning over in our mind what we should have done differently.

When you are stuck in a difficult situation, it feels as if it will never end.

And that is the perfect time to remind yourself that even if you made a mistake, other factors contributed to the problem and then adjust your focus to what you need to do to get out of the problem.

Pessimists believe that adverse situations are personal, pervasive and permanent. Reminding yourself that NO situation is personal, pervasive or permanent is extremely useful.

No adversity or failure is entirely personal.

■ Remember Your Comebacks

When the going gets tough, we often look at those less fortunate than ourselves. And that is a boost to our resilience. But you will get a bigger boost to your resilience by reminding yourself of the previous challenges that you have overcome.

Reflect on your previous experiences and say, ‘I have gone through worse things in the past. This is so by no means the most horrible thing I have faced or will ever face in my life. I can deal with it.’

■ Support Others

Studies show that higher levels of gratitude, altruism and a sense of purpose predict resiliency.

Put simply, the stronger the support networks of friends and family to help cope with a crisis, then the more resilient you will be.

However, there is an even bigger resilience boost to be gained by giving support.

When you reach out and help other people, you move outside of yourself. And this enhances your strength.

How To Survive In The Face Of Adversity

“There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time.” – Malcolm X

A large part of resilience centres on being responsible for your own life. And for creating a life that is meaningful to you.

It doesn’t have to change the world, as long as what you’re involved in has meaning, you can push you through all sorts of adversity.

■ Take Stress Breaks

What if we were to change the way we look at stress?  A human being needs stress. The body and the mind want stress. So it might be time to invite stress into your life.

The key is to recognise that no matter how hard you try you will never eliminate stress from your life. So the plan should be to create regular opportunities for the body to recover from stress.

If you were training, you would rest between sets of weightlifting repetitions to give your muscles an opportunity to recover.

Taking five minutes to meditate or having lunch with a friend are two ways to give your body and mind a break from stress.

Stress is a stimulus for growth, and recovery is when the growth occurs. That’s how we build the resilience muscle.

■ Optimism

While optimism is thought to be part genetic and part learned you can still practice being more optimistic. Being optimistic doesn’t mean ignoring the reality of a difficult situation.

If you were to lose your job, many people would think that they could never recover from this hardship. Practising optimism, you would acknowledge the challenge more positively. You might say, “This is going to be tough, but it’s an opportunity to rethink my goals and find something that makes me happy.”

While it sounds too simple to really work, thinking positive thoughts and surrounding yourself with positive people can help. Optimism, is similar to pessimism, in that it can be infectious. Simple advice: hang out with like-minded optimistic people.

Use these seven tips to build your resilience muscle, so you are better able to handle adversity and rebuild after a catastrophe. So when you face challenges you just don’t get through them but you get stronger.

  • 21 September, 2018
  • Personal Development, Professional Development
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4 Important Steps to Greater Emotional Agility

Emotional agility helps us to navigate our thoughts, feelings, and self-stories to create an outstanding life.

There is a concept that we live in two separate worlds. We have an outer world, think of this as the physical world in which exists outside you. And an inner world which is made up of our thoughts, emotions, and self-stories.

The distinction between the outer and inner world is important because it is the way we perceive our inner world that determines our life success.

Our Inner World

Our inner world drives our actions, careers, happiness, health, relationships. It literally drives everything.

Greater-Emotional-Agility

“When we push aside normal emotions to embrace false positivity, we lose our capacity to develop skills to deal with the world as it is, not as we wish it to be.” — Susan David

To create an outstanding life happens from the inside-out. Too many of us get caught up in external circumstances, so we fail to create the life we want.

The concept is that you change your outer world by first changing your inner world.

Emotional Agility

Dr Susan David wrote the book ‘Emotional Agility’ which reinforced the notion of happiness in our daily lives, in our relationships and in our work. In her book, she helps us navigate our thoughts, feelings, and narratives.

David argues that to maintain a negative self-image is destructive, and impairs our potential for success.

If I use an example: Do we let our anger, failings, fear, self-doubts, or shame hold us back?

An Ideal World

In an ideal world, we would be determined. Persevering toward crucial life goals. While also having the courage and insight to recognise when these goals are not serving us. And then we would adapt.

In ‘Emotional Agility’, David emphasises four key concepts. The four are: showing up, stepping out, walking your why and moving on. These four concepts are fundamental in creating emotional agility and adaptiveness.

David suggests that to be emotionally agile is to be flexible with our feelings and thoughts. To avoid holding fixed, concrete-like beliefs of our past. And this is important because this will not lead to change.

Navigating Life’s Twists And Turns

When we embrace emotional agility, it enables us to navigate life’s twists and turns with clear-sightedness, self-acceptance, and an open mind.

Emotional agility is not about ignoring uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. It’s about holding those thoughts and emotions loosely.

So loosely that we can face them compassionately and courageously, and then move past them to create change in our lives.

We should never stick too strongly to an emotion, feeling, or thought. And we should learn to accept these and allow them to move on.

Related Article

How To Build Resilience – Boost Your Competitive Advantage


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  • 14 September, 2018
  • Personal Development, Professional Development
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10 Of The Easiest Ways To Increase Self-Awareness

Before reading anything more about self-awareness, stop for a moment and consider just how well you know yourself. What is it that makes you, you?

Many people have become virtual strangers to themselves. No longer understanding what makes them the way they are. And over time, this can lead to a form of isolation from yourself.

If you can’t understand what causes your mindset to be like it is, then you can’t make changes for the better.

Knowing yourself better than anyone else starts with knowing how to be self-aware. Consider that self-awareness is an understanding of your character and your personality.

Hence, it explains why you feel the way you do about certain things.

10 Of The Easiest Ways To Increase Self-Awareness

“Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to one’s self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily.” – Thomas Szasz

If you are not self-aware, then you start to lose yourself amongst the crowd. Not truly understanding what it is that makes you an unique individual.

The Importance of Self-Awareness

There have been volumes of research performed about self-awareness over the years.

While much of this research comes from recent years, self-awareness has been a topic of conversation since ancient times.

The act of being self-aware has vital importance in emotional intelligence.

Also, it gives an individual the ability to act consciously, not in a passive way.

With self-awareness, you can achieve a more positive view of life and improve your mindset and mental wellbeing.

Being self-aware holds close ties with the achievement of success.

As an individual becomes more self-aware, they begin to understand their desires in life much better.

From this, you can get a more comprehensive grip on what drives you in life. By understanding your motivations and passion to act, you can better direct your efforts.

Understanding what it is that you truly want, and understanding why you want it can refocus your attention.

If there is negatively in your life, then self-awareness can help you to find it.

10 Ways to Increase Self-Awareness

A better understanding of yourself is the first step to making positive changes in your life.

But increasing self-awareness also gives you a deeper understanding of the past events that have influenced your overall outlook.

There many methods that you can utilise to increase your self-awareness.

Here are ten of the most natural and most effective ways to start understanding yourself better, and become more self-aware:

Method One: Separate Character from Experience

Your character is a combination of the qualities that make you unique. These are your mental qualities and your moral ones.

Experience is the way that the world has changed you. For every experience, your character will change because of the new influences.

Separating your true character from the one created through experience will help you to become more self-aware.

Take a moment to reflect.

Everyone goes through tough experiences, but have they changed your outlook on life?

It is normal to feel anger or perhaps be bitter after being fired unexpectedly from a job.

It is normal to feel determined or disheartened when you’re told that you’re not good enough by another person.

Each experience can adjust your outlook on life.

Where you determined before? Were you angry before? You may not have a bitter personality, but experience can make it feel that way.

If you bow to experience over character, then you lose sight of who it is that you truly are. You lose the ability to think of self-awareness with clarity.

These changes to character and personality can condition you to think a different way.

It can lead you to do things you otherwise wouldn’t have done, such as seeking a career that doesn’t match your personality.

Developing from each new experience is important. But an experience should never completely define your mindset and who you are.

The world can either change you, or you can change the world. To be more self-aware, unravel how the experience has changed you.

Then focus on your true character underneath.

Method Two: Get a Better Understanding of Your Unique Personality

The second method to become more self-aware is to understand what makes you unique. Sometimes it can be hard to understand your own individual personality.

But everyone is unique in the way that they think and in their perspective.

There are hundreds of individual personality traits. Each person will have their own combination.

A person can be aspiring, calm and capable, but they can also be messy, complicated, and adaptable.

Your traits will be different from the next person. To distinguish yourself and understand your personality, knowing your key traits is important.

Specially designed psychometric tests and personality tests can help a person get a better view of their most prominent traits.

Tests, like the Predictive Index test, for example, focus on your self-awareness.

These are not your standard ‘correct or incorrect’ tests. Instead, they aim to help you reveal your inner traits.

What traits you have reflect yourself and as such, there is no wrong set of traits to hold.

Method Three: Get an Objective View of Yourself

Nobody can give you a clearer picture of yourself than you can. To get that clearer picture, you must be willing to view yourself objectively.

It is very easy to fog our visions and think of ourselves in a different way to what we are truly like.

In the quest to improve self-awareness, this can only hinder your development.

An objective view needs to consider everything positive about yourself. But it also needs to be honest and look at the characteristics that you don’t like.

Have an open heart and an open mind. If you can see yourself objectively, then you can begin to accept yourself.

Nobody a can move forward and progress until they accept what makes them who they are.

  • Are you prone to procrastination?
  • Can you be inclined to be messy?
  • Are you argumentative?

Take a good look at what makes you, you. The agreeable characteristic and the negative ones.

What this will achieve is a whole new perspective. You will get a clear picture of who you are and what makes you unique.

Method Four: Understand How Other People View You

The next step is to understand how other people see you. This can be incredibly difficult at first but is also a rewarding experience.

If you don’t ask how other people see you, then you will never be able to truly understand. The characteristics that you think you show may not be the ones that you show.

10 Of The Easiest Ways To Increase Self-Awareness

“Self-awareness is value-free. It isn’t scary. It doesn’t imply that you will subject yourself to needless pain.” – Deepak Chopra

Talk to a friend that you can trust and who knows you well. Ask them to describe your traits and characteristics.

It is important that they are honest with what they say. Only hearing a positive side will not be able to help you become more self-aware.

Equally, only hearing negative things will not be able to help you.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions and get a clear picture of what they see and think. If there are changes that you want to make, then enlist their help.

It can be of great assistance to have an ally that will be able to notice characterises that you wish to change.

If you want to be less argumentative, then ask them to point out when you’re acting in that way.

Method Five: Never Be Shy to Ask for and Accept Feedback

Feedback at work is a crucial part of development. In a similar way to asking your friends for their view of you, it is also important to get feedback from others.

It is very difficult to become more self-aware, without knowing where you stand with those around you.

Constructive feedback will allow you to focus on what it is that you’re not completing to the best of your ability.

Formal feedback in a work environment can quickly change your outlook if you are willing to accept what’s said.

If you shy away from asking for feedback, you will never be able to get that clarity about your abilities.

This can also help you to revaluate. If your characteristics are not truly right for your working environment, you could find greater happiness in a different profession.

Equally, your characteristics could be ideally suited to what you do. Feedback is great for getting a different, constructive perspective.

Method Six: Start Practicing Meditation

Taking time out of your day to meditate is an effective way of getting clarity and achieving self- reflection.

This can help you with self-awareness and awareness of your mindset and true thoughts.

By focusing on your breathing and clearing your mind, you give your body and mind chance to relax. Take time here to reflect on your goals and whether you are achieving them.

With no distractions, you can focus on your moment by moment awareness. Delve into what is helping your goals, what is preventing them, and what needs to change.

Bringing these thoughts to the focus of your mind will enable you to reflect on their importance. Think about what your goals mean to you.

10 Of The Easiest Ways To Increase Self-Awareness

“I think self-awareness is probably the most important thing towards being a champion.” – Billie Jean King

Method Seven: Reflect on Your Day Before You Sleep

You can’t get a better understanding of yourself without taking the time to reflect on yourself.

Just taking five minutes at the end of the day to reflect can do wonders for your self-awareness.

Put the time aside each night to take a break and think about the day. This doesn’t have to be in the form of mediation. It can just be a minute to yourself with quiet.

Ask yourself important questions about your day. These can be anything personal to you.

  • Did I achieve what I wanted to today?
  • What am I proud of doing today?
  • What can I do tomorrow that is different?

The simple questions can reveal a lot about what you think.

Method Eight: Start Writing a Journal of Your Thoughts

Writing a journal is another form of reflection but one that you can easily reflect on later down the road.

Your journal is yours. It is entirely private and can be filled with whatever you wish. It could be pictures, thoughts, a recount of your day – anything that you want to put down on paper.

Letting your thoughts spill out on paper is an effective way of becoming more self-aware. It can give you a different personal perspective of yourself.

One that you may never have realised existed.

Ideas, thoughts, and desires, written by your hand, can turn into development.

Self-awareness can very quickly improve when you allow yourself to get this clear image of what you think.

10 Of The Easiest Ways To Increase Self-Awareness

“The more you can be self-aware and honest about yourself, the more you can cultivate that in other people.” – Mark Pincus

Method Nine: Put What You Want to Achieve down on Paper

A large part of self-awareness is understanding who you are but also where you want to be.

Fleeting ideas and inspirations can be wonderful, but the feeling of not progressing towards them can fill your mind with negativity.

Having your goals and desires written down can help you to refocus yourself.

Further, when you start to plan your goals and put down steps to achieve them, you find the underlying cause of why you want them.

Those large goals that we envision far off in the future are often forgotten due to the sheer enormity of them.

Break them down, turn them into achievable pieces, and give yourself a chance to understand how they can be achieved.

This will allow you to see what it is that you want and give you the motivation to achieve it.

Method Ten: Actively Incorporate Mindful Habits into Your Routine

As with anything that you hope to improve, putting everything into practice is the most effective first step.

Instead of saying ‘I will focus on increasing my self-awareness’, start saying ‘I am focusing on my self-awareness’.

Start incorporating mindful habits into your routine where you can. First of all put time aside in the evening to reflect. Make your first entry into a journal. Discover those traits that make you, you.

To be self-aware, you must want to be self-aware. And developing self-awareness won’t happen overnight. It will take time and commitment to understand yourself.

Once you have put the methods of increasing self-awareness into practice, you start your journey to understand who you are and what you want.

Drop a comment below, and let me know how you increase your self-awareness and keep yourself on track. Want to know yourself better? Find out here.

  • 7 September, 2018
  • Personal Development, Professional Development
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