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    • Contact David
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    • Boost Your Strengths
    • Boosting Your Resilience
  • Work With David
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Home / 2018 / August

August 2018

Why Forgive And Forget Is Still A Great Policy

Nowadays, you read so much about why you should let go of the past. And I totally agree. However, it’s also important to know how to let go of the past.

In time, most people will come to grips with why they should do it. But many of them will get stuck on actually taking the steps to make it happen.

Since you were a child, you have heard the maxim to forgive and forget. And it is important because it helps you to move on with your life as well as keeps friends you may have lost.

Easier said than done

However, it is a policy that is easier said than done. Memories tend to stick even if you say you will forget. It would be great if we could magically erase these bad memories of what people have done as if they never happened, but that just isn’t possible.

You may be willing to forgive, but find it hard to forget. If this is the case, then concentrate on the forgiveness.

Time needs to pass before you can get to the point of forgetting or at least, making the issue less important in your mind. Forgiving may be enough to get you to move on with your life.

Forgive And Forget

“When the mind once allows a doubt to gain entrance, the value of deeds performed grow less, their character changes, we forget the past and dread the future.” – Jules Verne

The Living Years

You may have heard the song by Mike and the Mechanics called, In the Living Years, released in 1988. It was a beautiful song often played on radio stations at the time.

Some would say it became overplayed. But, this is what usually happens with beautiful songs.

The message of the song is that if we wait until people die, we won’t be able to tell them what they mean to us and that we love them. Also, the chorus mentions about admitting to not seeing eye to eye. We can only do this when we are alive.

The song seems directed at parent/adult children relationships. However, it’s appropriate for anyone who you are or have been close with, including family and friends.

Forgive And Forget

“You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.” – Johnny Cash

By holding onto the past and carrying grudges, you risk not being able to try to make things right while you both are still living. You always think you have tomorrow to do it.

Life is short

However, one day you find that the other person is no longer with you. Life indeed is as short as people say it is.

What many people find when they talk things out, is they can’t remember what got them upset in the first place. It becomes trivial.

Think about a time when you and a family member or friend put aside your differences. You may have gotten a good laugh about how it all came to be. That often happens in these types of situations.

Our family is all we have in the world. Even as friends come and go, we need the support of our families.

While work and community obligations are important, try to make time to see your family as often as you can. That’s obviously tougher when families are apart due to their physical location.

Forgive And Forget

“I am someone who can’t hold on to negativity or hold on to grudges. Of course I might feel something at a certain point, but I get tired after that. I don’t carry it with me. I forgive and forget very easily, and that’s the only way to be happy and peaceful.” – Deepika Padukone

But, even families who are geographically close to each other often don’t visit as much as they should.

Agree to disagree

When you do get together, and you don’t tend to see eye-to-eye with certain members of your family, try to keep the conversations away from sensitive areas. For instance, if you have differences of opinion regarding politics, try talking sports instead.

If you get onto sensitive subjects, try to keep the conversations respectful. Consider all views and keep an open mind. The phrase, “agree to disagree” is a great one to diffuse these volatile situations.

When you do forgive someone, make sure you don’t bring up the issue over and over again. If you do, then you haven’t truly forgiven the other person.

Forgive And Forget

“You cannot define a person on just one thing. You can’t just forget all these wonderful and good things that a person has done because one thing didn’t come off the way you thought it should come off.” – Aretha Franklin

If you can’t forgive, then be honest. Express your need for more time. Tell them you are willing to explore it again sometime in the future.

Some people may not be worth the trouble of forgiving and forgetting. If someone you know is not dependable and never was, they are going to continue to let you down. So why go through the trouble of forgiving them, let alone forgetting?

You may even still choose to associate with the person but without trusting what they will do. However, this can be emotionally draining for you, and it may be best to sever all ties.

Be honest

Above all, be honest with people. Don’t fake forgiveness and then go around talking behind that person’s back.

You then lower yourself to their level. If you are hurting because of their actions, and they are asking for forgiveness, be sincere about how you proceed.

You may hurt someone’s feelings by stating that you don’t forgive them. But, you will do far worse if you pretend that you have when you haven’t.

Although you may never forget, you will get to the point where it is no longer worth your trouble to worry.

Forgive And Forget

“Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” – Marianne Williamson

It takes energy to focus on the past. Why drain that power when you can put it to great use in more positive ways?

You’ll feel better, and everyone around you will feel better. The person you are trying to forgive will also benefit.

By now you might be asking yourself how can I let go of the past. Here follow six steps that will help you do just that:

Learn from past experiences

There are learning nuggets contained within your past. Anything you have done or tried before is up for grabs in the University of your past. It’s up to you to recognise what those lessons are and how to use them effectively. The way to use them is to determine why they happened and how to avoid them in the future.

Give yourself permission to forgive and let go of the past

Your brain can latch onto something and is waiting for you to release the responsibility. By committing to this release, your brain can focus on other productive areas. That release comes in the form of telling yourself to let go.

Learn to meditate

When you are relaxed, you will have an easier time of purging your past. One of the best forms of relaxation is meditation. It takes several sessions to get your body and mind in tune with the techniques. Don’t expect fast solutions with this. The key is to keep doing it until you feel the effects.

Don’t hide from your past. People try to pretend certain aspects of their past did not happen, especially the more embarrassing moments. However, this may cause them to come back to you with a vengeance since they are bottling up within you. Acknowledge everything about your past but commit to pushing forward.

Concentrate on the good aspects of your past

Sometimes, you may focus on your mistakes and mask the fact that you had some wonderful experiences in the past as well. These are equally important.

Forgive And Forget

“We need to look to the future. You can’t come up with new things unless you constantly forget the past. There’s no reason to keep wearing the same pair of pants.” – Andrew Lau

And many of us are too hard on ourselves about the past. Stop that right now. It’s okayto acknowledge that you made some mistakes but don’t get overly critical of them.

Journal your experiences

Be as detailed as possible so you can refer to the journal when faced with similar circumstances in the future. Don’t treat your journal as a bible, however. Just use the journal as a guideline.

Give it time

It took a long time to get into this situation and it will take time to resolve it.

As with all complex issues, don’t expect all changes to occur immediately. Some past habits may be difficult to break, so don’t try to change everything in one shot.

Give it time. It took a long time to get into this situation and it will take time to resolve it.

If pride is getting in the way of resolving the issue, try to cast it aside. It could be just the right instance to get something wonderful going once again.

  • 31 August, 2018
  • Personal Development, Professional Development
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9 Mindset Lessons Learned From Millionaires

When it comes to money and riches, it is surprising how many people are looking to gain more. But they don’t know where to start or are unprepared to do what is expected of them to achieve their goals.

Some tips to become a millionaire which are helpful for you

It’s like people are afraid of failure before they even start. Their default mindset is set to losing. And some, unfortunately, stay that way for the rest of their lives.

They do not know that it is all in their heads and with a single change of thoughts they can change their lives for the better.

tips to become a millionaire

“Before you can become a millionaire, you must learn to think like one. You must learn how to motivate yourself to counter fear with courage. Making critical decisions about your career, business, investments and other resources conjures up fear, fear that is part of the process of becoming a financial success.” – Thomas J. Stanley

What follows are some tips to become a millionaire hold on to and live by, that makes a massive difference between them and the poor people next door.

1. Start Small

Think big but start small. Millionaires weren’t born as such, and probably you won’t turn into one overnight. Everyone has to start somewhere and start small.

Read any millionaire’s biography (Oprah, Bill Gates, J.K. Rowling…), and you will see they all started from scratch.

And they were patient enough to turn their infamous, small beginnings into something larger of which now the whole world knows.

Millionaires focus on the larger picture and aren’t bothered by the small steps they have to take to succeed in the long run.

So, regardless of where you are right now, keep your mind on where you want to be in X years and strive towards that.

Merely think bigger than your current circumstances it’s also part of secrets of the millionaire mind.

2. Be Tirelessly Passionate

If there is one thing we can notice the easiest in millionaires is the passion they put into whatever they are doing.

tips to become a millionaire

“Most people, once the money started getting bigger, thought we would buy a millionaire’s house looking out at the sea – but what would two middle-aged people do that for? We were sensible enough when we got it.” – Maeve Binchy

When they think of something, these successful people put in a lot of thought and effort into their action and seem tireless to other people.

They won’t quit for anything and will try many ways hoping to get the one that leads to success at the end.

3. Have Patience and Persistence

Successful people don’t rush things into happening. They commit to just doing whatever needs to be done and trust the process of creation.

This gives them a look of indefinite self-confidence, and it seems that nothing can change their mind and stop them from whatever they wish to achieve.

Being relentlessly persistent in a great virtue.

You see, whenever someone wants to start a business and get into the entrepreneurial waters, everyone claims to know a little bit of something and they all want to share their ideas and give advice.

Families want a part in, friends come out of nowhere with fresh ideas, neighbours are experts all of a sudden and so on.

This can be an overwhelming experience. And at times it may make it harder to focus on what YOU want to do. And it even might make you quit whatever you are doing.

This is why having a clear focus and being persistent with YOU OWN ideas is something millionaires always swear by.

4. Don’t Be Afraid Of Changes

It’s shocking how many people are afraid of riches and the changes it may bring. Millionaires are flexible. They have their mind focused on the goal, and they do whatever it takes to achieve it.

Gaining something that matters to you can often bring many positive changes. This can overwhelm you in the beginning.

tips to become a millionaire

“I never grew up thinking the goal in life was to be a millionaire. All the way through college, I had a part-time job. I worked hard to get the things that you need at that age.” – Cecelia Ahern

But soon you will realise that you should have accepted the success and all the changes it brings with itself sooner.

The more you let go and let it be, the happier you will become a Millionaire .

5. Being Self-Confident

I cannot stress enough on the difference between being self-confident and being arrogant. Many rich people are arrogant, yes, but this is not the way to do it.

You should never forget with what little you started with and where you came from. Everybody starts small, and everybody is struggling at the beginning.

But this doesn’t mean that your success makes you more important than them. Only time will tell your true importance.

True millionaires understand that arrogance is destructive, mainly if their success depends on the relationships they have with other people.

“It is confidence, not arrogance, in our bodies, minds, and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures, new directions to grow in, and new lessons to learn” – Oprah Winfrey

6. Take Calculated Risks

We all seem to have some kind of aversion towards risks and taking them especially when there’s a lot to lose. But we often forget that there’s a lot to gain too.

tips to become a millionaire

“On one of my last days at school, the headmaster said I would either end up in prison or become a millionaire. That was quite a startling prediction, but in some respects, he was right on both counts!” – Richard Branson

Some of the most significant riches were acquired, and greatest breakthroughs were made by taking risks, and people who took them made history.

However, I’m not suggesting you go and risk everything you and your family have.

Instead, along the way on your path to success, when you encounter certain doubts, and obstacles don’t be afraid to take the less-known path.

Those usually lead to success no man has ever achieved.  Because as I previously said, ‘Old ways won’t open new doors’.

7. Claim Responsibility For Your Actions

Taking responsibility for your own actions and for your own life, sometimes takes the greatest courage of men.

We don’t always want to admit that a particular failure was entirely our fault because we are afraid of judgment.

On the contrary, with enough self-confidence, millionaires aren’t afraid of what others might think or say of them.

tips to become a millionaire

I used to define success as being able to produce any result you wanted, whether it was a relationship, weight-loss, being a millionaire, impacting the culture, changing society, whatever it might be – it might be homelessness, whatever – and lately, I’ve redefined success as ‘fulfilling your soul’s purpose.’ – Jack Canfield

And they know that for the one failure they are about to accept and claim responsibility for, three other successes will come their way.

People talk, and that’s okay. But it’s up to you to remember that no matter the support or the doubt you get from them.

At the end of the day what truly matters is that solely you are responsible for making a name for yourself.

8. See Failure As A Teacher

The previous point takes us to the eighth mindset millionaires hold on to, and that is learning from failure.

Along the way, no matter how many business consultants you hire, or how many private assistants you have, there will always be one thing that can genuinely give you wisdom. Failure.

However, there is one thing I feel obligated to mention here. And that is you should never see failure as a discouragement.

Once you failed trying to do something, next time don’t change your goal, change your way according to the failure.

Many people get discouraged from failure thinking they will fail again. Well, not unless you don’t see it as a valuable lesson made to teach you what not to do.

9. Listen To Yourself

We cannot possibly predict everything that’s about to happen. So, this is the Mindset Lessons Learned From Millionaires

However, some things are predictable according to previous experiences. And often times millionaires listen to their gut feeling of what awaits them, and they are usually right.

By learning to listen to yourself, you will gain self-confidence knowing you will always get through hard, uncertain times. And also be able to hold on just a little bit more until you succeed.

You never know how close or far you are from your next great idea.

tips to become a millionaire

“There is no monopoly on becoming a millionaire. If you’re jealous of those with more money, don’t just sit there and complain – do something to make more money yourself.” – Gina Rinehart

Solutions to your struggles have no exact location; they come from anywhere, anytime.  The choice to being open-minded and susceptive to inspiration is completely up to you.

Even the vaguest idea may lead you to the business of your dreams.

The  Millionaire’s Mindset

Study these life-changing ideas thoroughly and start incorporating them into your daily life.

Along with the actions you take, changing your mindset will be the best decision you can take on the path to your more outstanding life.

Lastly, I leave you with food for thought:
“If you want to change the fruits, you will first have to change the roots. If you want to change the visible, you must first change the invisible.” – T. Harv Eker

  • 26 August, 2018
  • Professional Development
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How To Build Resilience, Your Competitive Advantage

Resilience can be built, but also broken.

      Learn everything you need to know about the all-important life skill to succeed in face of adversity with this Ultimate Guide on how to build resilience.

Apollo 13 Quote

Failure is not an option.

This quote, made famous by the blockbuster hit, Apollo 13, is inspiring.

It conjures up images of people doing super human things to get the job done.

But whilst it was perfect for the movie, it’s not necessarily perfect for life.

In fact, not only is failure an option, but it’s an inevitable part of all of our growth processes.

To achieve your goals in life, you must accept that you cannot stop failure from happening.

And you must learn how to build resilience and view failure as an opportunity to grow, not a sign of weakness. In this article, you’re going to learn exactly how to do just that.

Deep down, we are all resilient people. It’s in our nature. However, as life wears us down, our resilience can break, and this can seriously impact how we view life and ourselves.

If you feel as though you’re not resilient, don’t worry. You’re not alone. Some 10 percent of Americans report feeling helpless all or some of the time.

And there’s also hope. Lots of it. Experience teaches us to feel helpless. But if you actively work to understand where this feeling comes from, you can develop the skills of resilience and use them to help you find success and achieve your goals.

Resilience is a skill you can learn, and if you succeed in doing so, you’ll find the life you’ve always wanted is well within your reach.

Read on to discover what resilience is, how you can build it, and also how it can be easily broken – if you’re not careful.

And then take the resilience quiz to learn just how resilient you are right now, and what you need to do to further develop this all-important skill.

The Secrets of Resilience: Build your competitive advantage, the factors of resilience

What is Resilience?

Before going too far into how you can develop resilience, it’s important to define exactly what it is.

Merriam Webster defines it as “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.”

However, as we all know, dictionaries don’t always tell the whole story. Resilience is about a lot more.

For one, resilience is a mindset. It’s the ability to recognize adversity not as a setback but rather as an opportunity to grow and develop.

And it’s also the ability to not let these setbacks stop you from believing you can accomplish what you want.

Am I a resilient person?

What If I’m Not a Resilient Person?

You may be reading this definition of resilience and think, “That’s simply not me. Things are hard for me, and I’m sensitive.

When things don’t go well, it’s really difficult for me to pick my head up and continue.”

It’s normal to think this way, but understand this is not an inherent part of your character or personality.

Whether or not you’re resilient is actually a product of your experiences. And there’s some science to back this up.

The Hiroto Experiment

There was an experiment conducted back in 1975 that is now known as the Hiroto experiment (named after the gentleman who published the paper describing the experiment and its results).

In the experiment, two groups of subjects were exposed to a loud, irritating sound.

They were told they could turn the sound off if they succeeded in solving a puzzle, which was essentially pushing buttons in a certain order.

However, one group was given an unsolvable puzzle, meaning they were unable to succeed no matter how hard they tried.

Resilience research

Afterwards, both groups, plus a new group of subjects, were exposed to a different set of puzzles and the same sound.

However, this time, both groups had an equal chance of solving the puzzles.

The group that succeeded the first time, and the group of new subjects, did significantly better than the group that had failed the first time.

What does the Hiroto Experiment tell us?

Essentially, Hiroto demonstrated that helplessness is a learned experience.

After we go through one failure, we’re conditioned to think we’ll fail again if put in the same situation, even if our chances for success are no different, or even better, than the first time we tried.

So if you feel you cannot overcome failure, this is not because you’re incapable of doing so, but rather because you’ve been conditioned into thinking you cannot rise above adversity.

This is important because if you can be conditioned into thinking you cannot rise above adversity, you can also be conditioned into thinking you can.

And this is how one develops adversity.

You can train yourself to understand that each situation is unique and that success or failure in your next endeavor is not dependent on how you got into your current predicament.

How to build resilience

How to Build Resilience

So, now we know it‘s possible to build resilience, even if you don’t feel you can.

In fact, there’s a good chance that you’re already much more resilient than you think you are.

To find out where you measure up, you can take our quick, informative resilience quiz.

Take the Resilience Quiz

It’ll give you an accurate picture of how resilient you are right now and will show you the steps you need to take to get to where you want to be.

It’s important to remember, though, that building resilience isn’t going to happen overnight.

It will take time to retrain yourself and to change your mindset so that you can view failure in a new light. But it is possible, and it starts right now.

1. Identify the Problem

The first step in building resilience is to understand why you struggle in the face of adversity. As we mentioned earlier, helplessness is something we learn from our experiences.

So before going too far, it’s important to identify the experiences preventing you from being all you want to be.

Obviously, this will be different for each person. Perhaps there was some childhood trauma that has caused you to lose confidence in yourself, or maybe a relationship went sour and spoiled your trust in others.

Whatever it is, some honest discussion about what you’ve been through and why you’re in this current situation is an important beginning to the process of building resilience.

However, it’s also important to not overthink this too much. There will not be one reason why your resilience was broken.

Our experience as humans is far too complex to establish such strong cause and effect relationships.

But it is helpful to think about some of the things contributing to your current state so that you can understand what you are up against in the resilience building process.

All of us will encounter adversity and problems. Some problems we will tackle and overcome without a second of hesitation.

Larger problems make us go, “Oh my!” And then we hesitate and engage in one of three behaviours…use this infographic to identify a problem and then find solutions to them.

Resilience Infographic #1: 7 Easy Ways to Identify and Solve a Problem

2. Develop a Growth Mindset

This is essential for building resilience. Resilient people look at failure as an opportunity for growth, whereas people who struggle with resilience will view failure as a catastrophe that cannot be overcome.

But this is simply the result of different experiences and perspectives.

The issue lies in framing. You need to train yourself to frame failure as an opportunity. And this comes from reconditioning the way you think about certain situations.

For example, let’s say you lost your job. You could look at this situation as a sign your life is falling apart.

Or, you could see it as a chance to finally launch the business you’ve always wanted to start, or to look for a job you find more rewarding.

You’re not destined to view this as a sign that your life is falling apart. And if you work with someone who has experience in training people to be resilient, you can learn how to view situations of failure as opportunities for growth.

This will better prepare you to manage adversity. And then use this infographic to develop your invaluable growth mindset.

25 Innovative Ways to help you develop a Growth Mindset

3. Adopt a Long-Term View

Life is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s important to always keep this in mind.

To develop resilience, you must learn to not let every setback completely throw you off.

Failure is a part of life. This we cannot control. But we can control how we react to failure.

If we can train ourselves to see it as part of the growth process, then we will be less affected when we do fail, making it easier to persevere through adversity.

Of course, this is easier said than done. You’ll need to develop some skills to help you maintain this perspective.

One helpful thing you can do is to keep a journal of accomplishments and failures.

When you do this, you’ll be able to see more clearly that progress inevitably comes with setbacks.

This will help ingrain in your mind that failure is not the end of the world and that your current situation is simply one step of the many you’ll take on this journey we call life.

Time to plan that journey. Use this infographic to dream bigger than you have before and open yourself to the possibilities that surround you.

The Secrets of Resilience: 3 Long-Term Goals and Bonus Ideas to Inspire You

4. Develop Self-Compassion

Here’s a secret: no one is perfect. It’s easy to look at those you consider successful and say, “I wish I was them.”

But people who appear to be living their dreams are confronting the same problems you are every day.

The only difference is that they have learned to be patient with themselves and to view their problems not as obstacles but opportunities.

Part of this, though, comes from learning to be self-compassionate. This means understanding our imperfections and accepting them, not criticizing them.

We all have flaws, and we all have things we’d like to improve, but there’s no point in getting down on ourselves about it.

It’s much more effective to accept our imperfections as part of who we are and look for ways to live with them.

Many of us are compassionate to others. And that is a wonderful trait. And if we can be compassionate with others surely we can show compassion to ourselves.

This infographic will help you identify your own needs for compassion and give you a method to deliver it.

The Secrets of Resilience: 5 Easy Steps to Unlock Your Self-Compassion

5. Learn Emotional Agility

Dr. Susan David, a renowned emotional psychologist, defines emotional agility as “a process that enables us to navigate life’s twists and turns with self-acceptance, clear-sightedness and an open mind.

Being emotionally agile means being able to bend to whatever life throws your way without breaking your resolve to work for your dreams.

However, there is something else to point out from Dr. David’s definition: it’s a process. You don’t just wake up one day and have emotional agility.

Instead, it’s a skill you will need to work on to make a part of who you are.

And there will be setbacks along the way, always. But that’s okay.

Emotional agility and resilience go hand in hand. If you can understand your emotions, be aware of where they come from, and then adapt to them, you’ll be far more prepared to overcome failure when it does happen.

Check out this infographic to illustrate the four key concepts you can use to gain emotional agility.

The secrets of resilience: 4 Important Steps to Greater Emotional Agility

 What Breaks Your Resilience

Although resilience can be learned and developed over time, it’s important that you understand that it can also be broken down in a number of different ways.

By accepting these, you’ll overcome roadblocks that could well become disastrous setbacks to your self-development and personal growth.

1. Unrealistic Goals

It’s important to have goals. But it’s just as important to set goals you can actually achieve.

If you don’t, then you’re obviously going to fail, and you’ll do it over and over again, which will start to condition you into thinking failure is the norm (remember Hiroto).

There are two sides to this. The first is the goal itself, and the other is the timeline.

It’s perfectly okay to have lofty and ambitious goals, but if you don’t give yourself enough time to achieve them, then you’ll quickly get down on yourself.

So, whatever your goals, whether to own your own business or to publish a book, that’s great. But consider your situation and how long it will actually take to get to that point.

It might take you five years, and that’s okay. But if you convince yourself you can do it in two, you’re just setting yourself up for failure. And you’re putting your resilience in jeopardy.

Use this infographic to avoid the most common goal-setting mistakes. An effective goal setting strategy will increase your likelihood of success.

The Secrets of Resilience: 8 most common mistakes people make when setting personal goals

2. Lack of Support

A strong support system is absolutely essential for success.

Failure is a natural part of the process, so when it happens, it’s important to have people there who can help pick you up and help you get you back on track.

This can come in many forms. Those in your support system can help you escape and focus on other things, or they can give you professional advice.

The best support systems will adapt to your situation to offer you the help you really need.

However, if you don’t have people around you to help you, then it’s really easy for your resilience to break.

A lot of times, though, a lack of support comes because we don’t open up enough.

It’s common for those who struggle with resilience to think things like, “No one wants to hear about my problems,” or “My friends have their own problems, they don’t want to deal with mine.”

This is typically not true. No one can help you if you don’t reach out and ask for help. Building resilience is as much about developing a new mindset as it is learning how to ask for help when you need it most.

Use this infographic to learn to communicate your needs more effectively and overcome any lack of support so you achieve more.

The Secrets of Resilience: 10 ways to overcome the Lack of support

3. Negative Self-Talk

Everyone talks to themselves. And the running commentary we all keep inside our heads has a huge impact on our perceptions and actions.

Most of us have a surprising amount of negative self-talk.

This means the voice inside our heads constantly tells us we’re not good enough or that we deserve the problems we have.

It’s very easy to develop negative self-talk.

We are constantly receiving messages that we need to be more, that we are not good enough. Either from the media, from advertisements or from other people.

And it’s hard to fight this onslaught of negativity, eventually eroding our resilience till it breaks.

The most powerful words you will hear are the ones that you whisper to yourself.

This infographic will teach you to get a handle on your negative self-talk and provide strategies on how to harness the positive power of your self-talk.

The Secrets of Resilience: 9 easy tools to counter negative self-talk

Take the First Steps to Building Your Resilience

At this point, you may be wondering how resilient you really are. Do you have the skills you need to overcome adversity and achieve your dreams?

Well, it’s time to find out. Take the resilience quiz to see how well positioned you are to bounce back from tough situations and live the life you want to live.

This will give you a concrete starting block, from which you can launch headlong into personal growth and living the best life you possibly can.

Resilience is a skill.

Start building it today so that you can move through life prepared for whatever it throws your way.


Resources to build your resilience even further:

Consider joining the Live an Outstanding Life Facebook Community

Read a Resilience Quote Every day

101 Resilience Quotes To Help You Get Through Your Day

More Resilience related articles

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  • 17 August, 2018
  • Personal Development, Professional Development
  • More

How To Get Benefits From Virtual Mentoring

Imagine that you are facing a tough decision.

Thankfully, you are a fan of personal development. Heck, you journal and even update your vision board. But despite all that, here you are struggling to achieve your goal.

Everything you read said that if you set SMART targets then it was easier to achieve your goals. None of that seems to help now, and the decision you have to make is troubling.

Do you abandon your goal or continue with it?

Let’s give the dilemma more of a real feel. You want a pay raise. You need it. And you deserve it.

You need it

Your other half has done the math and you are not making ends meet. There is more month than money. You need that pay raise.

Hold on, if you don’t ask then you don’t get.

And in each of your last two six-monthly reviews, you have been told, “No!” Even though you outrightly asked your line manager for a pay increase.

Having invested twelve months of work do you persevere or abandon the goal? Do you keep up the output to win that raise or give up hope of that extra money?

If you abandon this goal, it might mean you are less engaged in your current job, or you will need to look for a new job.

Get Benefits From Virtual Mentoring

“The relationship between you and your boss will change over time. When you just started out, that boss was your mentor and took you under their wing. As a seasoned employee, though, you no longer need your boss to guide you along. You should be able to handle tasks on your own.” – John Rampton

A difficult decision and most of us would be confused. And it would be difficult to choose a course of action. And until the disappointment of not getting that raise wears off, we might not be able to clearly decide what to do.

The majority would see this as a terrible tragedy. Confronting our failure is hard, and it can wield tremendous power over us.

A tragedy

They would determine that they didn’t deserve to achieve their goal, that maybe they are not worthy of that raise. The very small minority would seize this as an opportunity.

They would view this as a chance to grow. But how?

So what’s the difference between these two groups? Obviously, they have different reactions to the same situation but there are other differences.

The significant difference is that one group is problem-oriented and the second group, the minority, is solution-oriented. The first group see the obstacle but fail to move towards the solutions to their problems.

If you think that you are in this group, don’t worry. There is hope.

Is virtual mentoring for you?

We live in a digital age. Bonds and relationships are formed without ever seeing each other face to face. And these virtual relationships have spread into the business world.

In traditional mentoring relationships, the mentor and mentee, interact on a face-to-face basis.

Modern methods of communicating via the Web, e-mail and other new technologies today make long-distance mentoring more feasible and more common.

Get Benefits From Virtual Mentoring

“If you’re early on in your career and they give you a choice between a great mentor or higher pay, take the mentor every time. It’s not even close. And don’t even think about leaving that mentor until your learning curve peaks.” – Stanley Druckenmiller

Distance learning via virtual mentoring is an excellent way to facilitate knowledge transfer.

The downside

Face-to-face communication offers more information than can be gathered with virtual communication.

Things such as facial expressions, gestures and body language. So communicating virtually presents some challenges in communication.

Time zones are a possible challenge. For example, if the mentor is based as far away as China while the mentee is in the UK, then their meeting time is precarious, at best.

Without the nuances of communication when face to face you can’t tell the level of engagement, your mentor or mentee feels in the relationship. In other words

Any technology problems will be a source of frustration since you are depending on technology systems to provide the channel of communication.

The opportunity

A principal benefit of a virtual mentor is that it expands the field of mentors available to any one person massively. There may be a mentor based in the UK that may suit the needs of a mentee in Canada.

As in any mentoring relationship, there is the knowledge exchange from both parties. So any mentor should be regarded as an expert in that field.

Get Benefits From Virtual Mentoring

“Before finding a mentor, I feel it’s essential to really find your own calling and passion. From my experience, this will become a guiding bond in this kind of relationship. Be curious and engaged – and push yourself actively. Be as good as you can at what you love to do, and you will certainly get a mentor’s attention.” – Raney Aronson-Rath

But it goes further than this, it’s one thing to know what you’re doing. And entirely another to be able to explain what you know and do it clearly.

Good virtual mentors clearly communicate the lessons they have learned and the strategies they are offering.

They also have a desire to communicate the intricate details in a way that makes the mentee understand and learn.

Virtual mentoring is not just for problems

Mentoring helps you avoid problems by allowing you space to think and be more intentional about your goals and actions.

And virtual mentoring is especially helpful for getting clarity on where you want to go.

Working with a mentor gives you:
• Fresh perspectives
• Challenges where your thinking is stuck
• Space for self-reflection
• Support for difficulties and new ideas
• Accountability for your plans

Mentors don’t just provide answers, they ask great questions. The best mentoring questions help you find your own answers.

In this Ted Talk, Bill Gates says, “everyone needs a coach.”

Let’s face it, if you think that a potential mentor will come looking for you and simply knock on your door, you may be waiting a long time.

Research suggests that extroverted people are more likely to initiate mentoring relationships.

This may be because they have higher levels of self-esteem and are achievement-oriented. So, if you are shy and reserved what are you to do?

Enter the world of virtual mentoring…

Email, Skype and Google Hangouts have become second nature in business communication, diminishing the need to hold so many meetings.

And when it comes to relationships such as that between mentor and mentee, virtual communication eliminates the need to meet in person.

A strong arguement for virtual mentoring is on the basis that electronic communication can be disinhibiting. Electronic communication enables people to talk freely and openly, particularly for introverts.

Electronic courage

You can think of virtual communication as “electronic courage” enabling frank and open communication.

Get Benefits From Virtual Mentoring

“Once you embrace the absolute truth that every leader needs a mentor, you can begin to achieve the massive growth and success that you seek.” – Clay Clark

A recent report from Harvard Business Review made a case for having multiple virtual mentors.

The authors, from Babson College in the US, wrote: “In today’s complex workplace, one mentor alone often won’t do. To spark innovation and ideation, employees often require information from some areas in real time. That’s why there is a need for us to have multiple mentors with expertise in various domains.”

What you want in a mentor is someone who truly cares for you and who will look after your interests and not just their own.

I like to think of this as the buffet appraoch to selecting virtual mentors.

You survey the buffet to see what is on offer and then choose the most appealing items. Then if you like them you can go back for more whilst avoiding the items that you didn’t like.

Is mentoring yourself possible

Some people’s circumstances don’t allow them to hire a mentor. I get that. And that is the primary reason the majority of the material on this website is available for FREE.

And yes, it is possible to benefit from good mentoring questions if you choose to go it alone. Later I will introduce five mentoring questions that I always tend to ask.

READ: Easy Ways To Make A Big Change In Your Life

If you want to start mentoring yourself, I say, “Good for you.”To be successful, you need to start off by setting aside dedicated time for reflection. Ideally the same time each week.

Journalling

And you will need a journal. Writing your stuff down is crucial because it forces you to slow down and get clarity. And it provides a vehicle for accountability.

Get Benefits From Virtual Mentoring

Rather than go it alone, you could team up with a friend and mentor each other.

You can start by working your way through a list of mentoring questions or selecting a few questions that best apply to your situation. It is quite amazing how one or two questions pop out as particularly appropriate.

Don’t just choose the easy questions. Eveyone one of us has fallen into the trap of not wanting to confront the ugliness of the truth.

Choose questions that challenge you or that make you uncomfortable. And don’t race to answer them. Take your time to digest the question and consider your answers fully.

Five mentoring questions

These five questions, can serve as a self-diagnosis of one’s own opportunities and capabilities. They also form an effective diagnostic tool to provide guidance to mentee.

What does success look like for you?

Asking this refers to long-term planning and goals. And if applied to a specific situation, can help determine what the immediate priorities are.

What outcome do you want?

This question is effective for situations where there is more than one equally viable solution or course of action. Starting from the desired outcome, the best action to undertake becomes clear.

If the mentee is facing a really complicated decision this is often the best question to help them look at the situation from an entirely new angle,.

What would you like to be different in five years?

This question focuses the mentee on a longer-term outcome. The time frame allows enough time for aspirational, creative thinking.

The answers may reveal how the mentee wants to grow, or fundamental changes they need to make in order to achieve their goals.

What obstacles are you facing?

Mentees may not have thought through the challenges they are facing or may be reluctant to share the challenges. Asking about them allows an exploration of the challenges the mentee is struggling with.

What is under your control?

This question shifts the focus from ruminating about factors that are beyond the mentee’s control and onto what they can actually do.

These five critical questions help you assess where you can really help. Try these the next time you are mentoring or answer them yourself as a self-diagnostic.

The answers can help put together a sensible game plan for forward progress.

Following the herd

When most of the world is problem oriented it is easy to simply follow the herd. But we want to break from the herd and be solution oriented.

The key is awareness and discipline. You need the awareness to realise when you are ruminating on the problem. And the awareness to realise that you can do something else.

Then the discipline to apply the 2 to 8 rule. For every 2 minutes that you devote to thinking about the problem then you have to apply 8 minutes thinking about the solution.

The 2 minutes will pass quickly and the 8 minutes will be an ordeal. We are designed and conditioned to focus more on problems than solutions.

When you apply the 2 to 8 rule consistently you will quickly shift from problem to solution based thinking. The ordeal of the impending time spent on solutions stops your thinking about problems pretty quickly.

Try it and let me know how it works for you.

By taking advantage of virtual mentoring, you can tap into a developmental process that extends far beyond traditional networks to enhance personal enrichment and career success.

For the savvy, the virtual world of mentoring is yours to explore.

  • 3 August, 2018
  • Professional Development
  • More

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