October 2017 - David Brett Williams

Motivating Your Employees And Colleagues

I am hopping that this post will provide you with tips on how to create a motivating work environment and offer a basic understanding of employees motivation.

Some days it is a challenge to keep myself motivated. The enthusiasm to accomplish a specific task seems to disappear magically. It was there, but it isn’t now. So where did it go?

The task at hand might be sticking to my diet and avoiding those chocolate chip cookies. Or it might be finishing that report I started a week ago.

Where can I find my motivation?

So if keeping yourself motivated is so hard what do you do as a leader in your company? Many job descriptions will include a piece on motivating your team. We get set the task of motivating our colleagues and keeping them that way. We need them to be enthusiastic about accomplishing work.

Everyone has something in their life that motivates them. Click To Tweet

Motivating employees is based on getting the little things right.

“Start with good people, lay out the rules, communicate with your employees, motivate them and reward them. If you do all those things effectively, you can’t miss.” – Lee Iacocca

As a leader, it is your challenge to firstly create the work environment and job factors that will help employees to contribute more. And secondly, help the employees find and use these factors to work harder.

To do this, it is integral that you know two variables: the employee’s needs and expectations from their work.

And because they are variables it makes motivating employees a challenge.

Company culture

Many years ago I worked for an American company. I got to hear that there was no ‘I’ in team and other mantras. At the same time they treated employees as a commodity, behaving as if you were the lucky one and you should be grateful they gave you a job. The managers enjoyed their power trips, instituting company policies on the basis that you can’t trust employees.

The thing that really annoyed me was when they came up with company rules. A few people were underperforming. So rather than deal with the few they made rules that affected everyone.

That killed my motivation, and I realised I wanted a workplace that fostered learning and development. A company where managers feel that motivating their teams will bring positive results for the business.

This post will provide tips to create a motivating work environment and offer a basic understanding of employee motivation. If you are curious how to increase your productivity you can find out here.

Every one is motivated

I said it earlier; everyone has something in their life that motivates them.

Every person has some items or issues about which they feel motivated to take action in their life. They may revolve around work, recreation, family, or even food.

You can’t motivate anyone else except you

You can’t do it for them. There is no magic potion that you can give that will motivate them. We have to accept that we can’t motivate another person.

What you can do is provide a work environment that supports employees choosing to become motivated about work issues.

Your actions as a leader either encourage or discourage motivated behaviour. Click To Tweet

Motivating employees is critical to business success.

“An employee’s motivation is a direct result of the sum of interactions with his or her manager.” – Bob Nelson

None of these actions and activities that provide a workplace environment that is supportive of motivating employees needs to be expensive.

In fact, some don’t cost anything.

Value your people

Workplaces, that treat people as valued team members, score higher in motivation. Creating this environment involves commitment and time from the managers.

In a workplace that fosters employee motivation you find that trust, respect, listening and civil conversation prevail. You also find managers show genuine interest and caring in their team members.

Provide clear direction

The lack of clear direction is a demotivating factor for employees. Every team member wants to know what is expected of them. And how they are performing against these expectations.

Without clear direction, they can’t be productive. Providing clear direction makes motivating employees easier because together you have created a framework for their expected performance.

Likewise, when you fail to provide prompt feedback to your people, you’re depriving them of the opportunity to improve.

It sounds easy, but it requires consistency. And some bosses just don’t care. They are punching a clock, and all of this stuff about motivating employees is rubbish. In these cases, people do what I did, and they actively look for a new employer.

My job that I told you about earlier, the money was excellent, and there wasn’t any one event that prompted me to leave. A lot of little things added up and I realised I did not want to work there any longer. In fact, I took a lower paying job just to get away.

People don’t leave a job for something better; they go because of a negative influence in their existing job. And that was it for me too.

What works for one person might not work for another

You have done your research and found out what motivates one of your team members. Only to apply the same factors to their colleague and you discover it is not motivating for them.

Employee motivation is a constant challenge. Research indicates happy employees are more productive. So logically, treat employees nicely and you will improve productivity. Not so simple, more is needed for a business to be successful.

Ask employees what is motivating for them

Do you know what motivates your team? An effective leader actively solicits information from their team.

Employees know what demotivates them and what they find motivating. Chances are they will tell you if you ask. Giving you a hint: chances are, it’s not just money!

“There are lots of lessons to learn from Amazon. Never stop innovating or questioning the fundamentals of your business. Continually motivate employees so that they never get too complacent – see Yahoo, AOL and many other Internet companies for evidence of what happens when they do.” – Brad Stone

For example, many people are motivated by factors such as achievement, extra responsibility, praise, or a sense of camaraderie.

When you ask be prepared to be tested. People judge people by what they do and by what they say. They key to being someone they trust is following through on the information you get.

When you ask, they will expect to see something changed as a result of their answer. If it is not changing then tell them why.

Walk the talk

Remember, your team is watching you all the time. How positive a role model are you for your team? That means I have to master my motivation if I want to influence theirs.

It is their choice to be motivated at work

Regardless of how supportive the company policies you institute are and how hard you try, there is a bottom line for motivating employees. It is their choice to be motivated at work.

You can know everything about motivation and do it all, but at the end of the day, employees are ultimately responsible for motivating themselves.

Motivating ourselves is such an important task to create success and live an outstanding life. I would love to find out what you do to motivate yourself and to help motivate others.

28 October, 2017
Professional Development
More

Five Ways To Be Successful From Ray Kroc

I reference McDonald’s and Ray Kroc frequently when coaching in business. I love the consistency of product and service that they deliver. Many businesses could afford to learn from them.

At the end of a coaching session, a friend gave me a copy of Grinding It Out in appreciation of the work we did together and the success he had. The book recounts how Ray Kroc built McDonald’s.

Packed with business and life lessons it makes for a great read. Before I share them, I need to give you some background on McDonald’s.

In 1940, two brothers, Richard and Maurice (Mac) McDonald started the business.

Ray Kroc knew about the business because the restaurant was using eight of his Multimixer milkshake machines.

He was curious. No other restaurant used as many of his Multimixers as they did. So Ray Kroc went to San Bernadino, California to find out more about the restaurant.

The restaurant ran a streamlined operation.

It was self-serve, commonplace now but groundbreaking in the 1950’s. It maintained a simple menu of six items: hamburgers, cheeseburgers, french fries, milkshakes, soft drinks, and apple pie.

The most appealing aspect of the business had to do with the worker’s efficiency. Each worker’s steps got formatted as if working on an assembly line.

Ray Kroc Success: Eat What Makes You Happy

“It costs little for you to think big, but it costs you a fortune to think less of yourself.” – David Brett-Williams

This assembly line provided savings in preparation time which allowed the restaurant to serve higher volumes of people.

This, in turn, helped to lower the food costs to the business. Giving them a significant advantage over their competitors.

At what age do you stop looking for opportunities? If you were in your 50’s, would you have the audacity and drive to build something new, something huge?

Ray Kroc only started building McDonald’s when he was 52. Click To Tweet

The lesson hit me square in the face. Partly because I am that age and also because sometimes I doubt whether I have the energy to drive new ventures.

But the lesson is there, it is never too late to build something new in your life. You can unlock more opportunities in your life.

Here are five lessons I have taken from Grinding It Out :

1. Opportunity mindset

At the age of 52, Ray Kroc firmly believed that the best was still ahead of him. Whatever your age right now, are you on the lookout for opportunities?

Kroc made a reasonable living selling kitchen equipment to restaurants. He was past his prime (or was he?), but that didn’t stop him looking for opportunities.

And central to that was his mindset. He firmly believed that whatever his age there was more to come. Kroc got outside his comfort zone and went looking for opportunities.

He kept looking for opportunities and eventually found a restaurant named McDonald’s.

You have to be looking for opportunities to recognise one when it presents itself. Maybe it depends on how you define yourself. Click To Tweet

If you think you don’t have the energy to drive a new venture because you are over the hill, then you won’t spot a tremendous opportunity even when it is under your nose.

If you are not happy with how you define yourself then change the definition of who you are.

2. Act quickly to seize opportunities

When Ray Kroc heard about an innovative restaurant, he decided to travel to see it himself. No delays.

Staggered by the vast potential of the restaurant, he immediately began to negotiate with the McDonald’s brothers. No delays.

He formed the McDonald’s corporation and opened his first restaurant in 1955. No delays.

Windows of opportunity present themselves. If you delay, there is every likelihood that window will close. I fall victim to over thinking things. Never-ending analysis eats up my time when I should take action.

The opportunity is lost as too much time passes by. That window of opportunity closes.

When an opportunity presents itself, do what Ray Kroc did and act quickly. No delays.

3. Vision of success

Ray Kroc developed a vision of success of what McDonald’s would become. Having decided to seize the opportunity, he focused intently on it.

He placed great emphasis on the uniformity and consistency from restaurant to restaurant.

Initially, he opened and ran the restaurants to profitability before allowing them to be franchised.

“A leader has the vision and conviction that a dream can be achieved. He inspires the power and energy to get it done.” – Ralph Lauren

There was no allowance in Kroc’s focus to get sidetracked. He consistently devoted his energy, money and time to the business.

Until the business got off the ground, he didn’t take a salary. Imagine the sense of conviction to your vision to forgo any salary for years.

Committed to making his vision a reality, he did not get bored because it was taking longer than he hoped. He did not get distracted because it was routine and mundane.

Maybe, I am just calling myself out on a few shortcomings there.

Having a clear vision, Ray Kroc rejected any short-term opportunity that deterred him reaching this vision.

4. Think like Ray Kroc

Ray Kroc saw franchising the name out as the best potential growth for the company.

Unbothered by the plan, the brothers allowed Kroc to get on the mission by himself while using their restaurant’s name.

The two brothers could have built the chain themselves. But they were thinking too small. A little too satisfied with the comfortable life they had from their one restaurant.

They lacked the opportunity mindset that Ray Kroc developed.

Kroc, on the other hand, already imagined hundreds of restaurants across the country even before he came to the negotiating table.

He was thinking big. He had a vision. And that made the difference.

This reminds me of the Michelangelo quote.

“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”

In a future post, I will talk about big hairy audacious goals.

In 1961, Kroc decided to continue the journey alone without the McDonald brothers. He bought the two brothers out for $2.7 million USD.

And then embarked on his mission to make McDonald’s “the number one fast-food chain in the United States.”

5. Build a strong team

Kroc found the right people and put them in the right positions. He recruited people who complemented his own weaknesses yet built upon each other’s strengths.

He built and maintained a strong team, and many team members stayed with the company for years.

With their help, the company grew quickly, and McDonald’s became a worldwide brand.

Looking at your strengths and weaknesses, you build a team around you that will let you make your vision a reality.

No one person can do it alone. Much of the credit for the company’s business success must go to the team and not Kroc.

Structured to earn revenue as an investor in properties, McDonald’s also generates a revenue stream as a franchiser of restaurants and an operator of restaurants.

It was this investment in property which converted McDonald’s into a money machine.

The management team devised the property investment strategy. And that is why they have a business plan that is unequalled in the food business.

And that ethic exists today.

McDonald’s understands the contribution and importance of every person within the organisation. And considers each individual employee as a vital part of achieving success.

You may find the Beginner’s Guide To Motivating Employees an asset too.

I learned a lot of lessons about success from this book.

To develop an opportunity mindset, act quickly to seize opportunities, have a clear vision of the future, while thinking big and build a strong team to support your vision.

What about you? Feel free to share your thoughts.

22 October, 2017
Professional Development
More

Self-Esteem How To Develop More Of It

If you have read a few of my other posts, you will notice that I mention periods of low self-esteem. I attribute that to my achiever mindset and the constant feeling that however good it is that I could have done better.

My daily experiences exert an impact on my well-being as my thoughts and feelings about myself go up and down like a yo-yo. Sometimes the impact is only temporary, other times…

How do you build self-confidence when your critical inner voice tells you that you are inexperienced, fat, could have done better or whatever else?

It’s estimated that your critical inner voice makes between 300 to 400 critiques each day. For the majority of us, those critiques focus on self-criticism. For the average person, research suggests that only 20 percent of self-evaluations are positive.

“Our self image, strongly held, essentially determines what we become.” – Maxwell Maltz

Following this through, if 80% of self-evaluations are negative, then your inner critic is active 240 to 320 times a day. Putting it in different terms that is 15 to 20 times each waking hour. Or one critical comment every 3 to 4 minutes.

How could you be so stupid?

Some of us possess the ability to make a simple mistake worth 30 or 40 minutes of self-abuse. I know my inner critic can abuse me for even longer. “How could you be so stupid? What a ridiculous thing to say.”

And If that is not bad enough, when we ask ourselves a question we provide an answer.

Ask yourself “How could you be so stupid?” and our brain responds to this attack by checking the evidence. “While consulting the ‘stupid’ file we see that yes indeed you are stupid. In fact, you have always been stupid, but now you are stooping to new lows. Congratulations dumb ass.”

Most of us possess the skill of being able to make ourselves feel worse and not better. Click To Tweet

Would you talk to anyone else the way you talk to yourself? If an employee were spoken to like that, they would either resign or file a grievance and win. You deserve to treat yourself the same way you would treat a friend.

If we allow ourselves the luxury of feeling positive about a success it tends to get discounted. “Anyone could have done it. I just got lucky. It took me long enough.”

“Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that’s real power.” – Clint Eastwood

We all know self-confidence is essential, but how do you build and maintain robust self-confidence?

This time I am not talking about a quick fix for a confidence issue but a more permanent cure. However, if you want quick fixes for your confidence they are available.

A permanent cure can’t be achieved in an instant. It takes time and persistent action to change the thinking patterns and the belief systems that feed our insecurities.

Resilience

Today, I want to explore the nature of resilience. If we gain a better understanding of resilience, we can develop greater self-confidence and self-esteem.

Our life experiences prove that self-confidence is crucial to living an OUTSTANDING life. Our level of confidence tends to dictate our actions, and it is our actions that generate the results we experience in our lives.

It looks like this:
belief → feelings → actions → results → revised beliefs

What we believe (our level of confidence) drives our emotions or feelings. This, in turn, drives our actions which drive our results. And from the results, we adjust our beliefs.

Too nerdy? Stick with it, and the later examples will make it all fit together.

Self-confidence and self-esteem

A lot of people confuse self-esteem and self-confidence. Of course, confidence is essential in self-esteem, but it is much more than that.

We see individuals do incredible things. Outwardly they appear confident but internally suffer with poor self-esteem.

Many actors, comedians and singers, who seem to resonate assurance ‘on stage’ feel desperately insecure off-stage.

People think I am confident due to me addressing a room full of delegates. The reality is that before I perform, my time is occupied feeling that I am not good enough. After I perform, I spend several days thinking about the errors I made and how I can improve.

Both self-confidence and self-esteem relate to how you perceive yourself.

Self-Respect Who we believe ourselves to be.

“The person we believe ourselves to be will always act in a manner consistent with our self-image.” – Brian Tracy

Self-confidence relates to your perception of your abilities. Think of it as your belief that you can be successful at something. Click To Tweet

Self-esteem relates to your perception of your worth or value. Think of it as your opinion of yourself and your value as a person. This includes the thoughts we have about ourselves and our abilities, the kind of person we think we are and our expectations.

Low self-esteem

If you have a healthy or high level of self-esteem, your beliefs about yourself will generally be positive. Conversely, if you have low self-esteem, your beliefs about yourself will often be negative.

There is not one straightforward cause of low self-esteem that applies to everyone. The beliefs we form about ourselves occur over extended time frames and are affected by many things.

Self-esteem is made up of all the interpersonal relationships and experiences you’ve had in your life. Everyone you’ve ever met has added to or taken away from how you see yourself!

Common causes of low self-esteem include:

Temperament – difficulty relating to other people or a tendency towards negative thinking.
Childhood experiences – having a hard time at school, bullying, or complicated family relationships.
Life events – long-term illness, the death of someone close to you, the end of a relationship, or being unemployed.
Relationships – other people making you feel like you have little worth or being negative about you.
Excessive stress – if you are under a lot of pressure and finding it hard to cope.
GNATS – generalised negative affirming thoughts that reinforce low self-esteem. Such as setting unachievable high standards for yourself or comparing yourself to others.

Building self-esteem

To build your self-esteem, the first step is to change the negative beliefs you hold about yourself. And you do that by challenging them.

On reading those words, it might strike you as an impossible task, but we will cover many different techniques to help you.

Be mindful of your needs and wants

If your bum is telling you that it is numb from sitting for too long, then stand up and move. If your brain is telling you to play some music or unclutter your bedroom take those thoughts seriously and act on them. Or, if your soul is telling you to reach out to a special friend, then do it.

Take the best care of yourself

When you were growing up, you may have missed a few lessons on how to take the best care of yourself. Your attention may have been on “behaving well”, getting by or perhaps on taking care of others.

Start today to take the best care of yourself. Treat yourself as a best friend might treat another best friend or as a nurturing parent would treat their child. If you work at taking the best care of yourself, you will find that you feel better about yourself.

Exercise

Physical activity releases endorphins, Those are the ‘feel-good’ hormones that improve your mood. Doing it outdoors seems to instil an even more significant benefit.

Diet

To feel healthier and happier it helps to eat at regular intervals through the day including plenty of vegetables and water. Reducing or stopping your alcohol intake, and avoiding tobacco and recreational drugs will also help.

Sleep

Sleep deprivation causes negative feelings to be exaggerated and means you feel less confident. It’s important to get enough sleep, and this post will help.

Do something you enjoy

Sometimes life gets so busy, that you spend very little time doing things you enjoy. Do a have a list of things you enjoy doing? It could be anything from a craft project, volunteering, or going fishing. Then do something from your enjoy list every day. You can add any new activities to your enjoy list as you discover them.

Help another person

This does not need to be a significant undertaking or be expensive. It could be as simple as sharing a few kind words with someone in the same queue. Aiming a smile at someone who looks sad. Helping your partner with an unpleasant chore. Or sending a thoughtful card to a friend.

Break with procrastination

We all have a task that we put off and delay. When you set yourself realistically achievable goals and work towards achieving them, you develop a sense of satisfaction. You can rightly be proud of achieving your goal. And who doesn’t feel more positive when we accomplish a goal? So start going to that exercise class. Wash your car. Clean out that closet. Write that email.

You are probably doing some of these things right now. And there will be a few others you might choose to start doing. One of the beauties of life is continually learning new and better ways to take care of yourself.

As you become more aware of your needs and wants and act to fulfil them, you unconsciously incorporate these changes into your life. And your self-esteem will continue to strengthen.

Changing Negative Thoughts About Yourself to Positive Ones

Earlier, I wrote that the first step to building your self-esteem is to change the negative beliefs you hold about yourself. And you do that by challenging them.

Here comes a question from left field. Do you find Gnats annoying? They are the tiny flying insects that fly in large numbers called clouds, especially at dusk.

What do you do about them?

“Believing in negative thoughts is the single greatest obstruction to success.” – Charles F. Glassman

If you are like most people you swat them and kill them. You murderer! You kill gnats.

And I congratulate you for doing that.

I want you to kill gnats. To be clear, I want you to kill GNATS!

The GNATS I want you to kill are generalised negative affirming thoughts. The thoughts that pop into our thinking and reinforce low self-esteem.

Your critical inner voice

We all have an inner voice that judges us and also attacks us – your critical inner voice.

This inner critic blames you when things go wrong, and finds you wanting when it compares you to others. It sets impossible standards for you to attain and then beats you up for the measliest of mistakes. Continuously reminding you of your many failures but never mentioning your successes.

Some examples of GNATS that people repeat over and over to themselves include: “I never do anything right,” “I am a loser,” “No one likes me,” “I am so uncoordinated.”

Most of us believe these thoughts, no matter how unreal or untrue they are. GNATS come up in just the right circumstances, for example, when you get a wrong answer you think “I am such an idiot.”

Kill GNATS by asking yourself the following questions about each negative thought:

Is this true?
Is this really true? Challenge yourself to come up with exceptions when this is not true.
Would a friend say this to another friend? If not, why should I say it to myself?
Who would I be if I did not believe this thought? Would I be happier? More relaxed? Performing to a higher level? So why persist in thinking it?

The inner critic steals any good feelings you have about yourself and is the enemy of good self-esteem.

Our critical inner voice gets our attention because it is coming from inside us, it is familiar and seems to make sense.

Take control of your inner critic

You have a choice. You don’t have to believe the crappy things your inner critic says about you.

There are several ways you can choose to do this:

Get mad. Decide that enough is enough. Stop with the put-downs right now.
Remind yourself that you control your inner critic and not the other way round. That critical voice is created by you.
Point out the deception of the critic. How does criticising yourself motivate you to do better? (READ: Learn how to motivate yourself) It doesn’t. What it does is makes you feel bad so you can’t function. How does anticipating failure and rejection make it easier to handle if it happens? It doesn’t. What it does is makes you feel rotten before and after.
Order yourself to find the uplifting moments you have and savour these.
Ask yourself how much does believing this rubbish cost you? Do you want to keep paying the price on your relationships, on your work, and on your level of well-being?

Developing robust and resilient self-esteem is vitally important to overcoming the challenges that life places in our path. If you would like more help with killing GNATS click here.

Time to get after it and live an OUTSTANDING life. And as always, I would love to hear what you do to remain resilient.

15 October, 2017
Personal Development, Professional Development
More

Learn Self-Confidence The Harvey Specter Way

Sports break my good intention of not spending too much time watching TV. Sitting is terrible for you and all that! And I don’t like many TV shows. However, one I watch regularly is “Suits”, mainly for its lead character, Harvey Specter.

He’s the sharp-talking, corporate lawyer, renowned for drinking single malt scotch, wearing custom tailored suits, and winning in the courtroom.

Despite being emotionally constipated he embodies a clear desk policy, his shirts are always immaculately pressed, and he has great hair.

And while some may like him for the eye candy appeal (he does genuinely have great hair), I love his character, despite his arrogance. You can’t help yourself rooting for him, and he is an absolute genius with one-liners.

He prowls the halls of his law firm disseminating nuggets of insight and knowledge all while selflessly reminding everyone how awesome he is.

“We need people who think on their feet, not another clone with a rod up his ass.” – Harvey Specter

When you see Harvey Specter, one of the first things you notice is his immense, undeniable self-confidence.

He always has a witty remark up his sleeve, thinks fast on his feet, and he continually seems to get his desired outcome. Wouldn’t we all want to be a bit more Harvey?

Okay, I admit that at times, when feeling deflated or faced with a difficult decision, I have asked myself “What Would Harvey Do?” Channeling my inner Harvey Specter with my mental cue of WWHD.

Harvey Specter and self-confidence

So you can gain that Harvey Specter self-confidence for yourself, I will analyse his character and pinpoint exactly what makes him so confident.

Have you ever heard Harvey apologise for who he is? Never. He has a healthy dose of self-confidence and never self-doubts – two things most of us could learn from him.

When we see people like Harvey, we assume they were always confident. They were born like that. Really? So if you are not confident it is solely down to missing out on the genetic lottery? Here is the truth:

A huge part of self-confidence is how YOU see YOURSELF. Click To Tweet

It is all about self-image.

Self-image and self-confidence

Harvey Specter sees himself as anyone’s equal. Admittedly, he goes past this many times and believes he is better and more capable than anyone else.

As a consequence of his self-belief, he is confident around anyone: his clients, his boss, his colleagues.

Regardless of who he meets, he believes he is on an equal or higher plane than all of them. In his thinking, no person is better than him.

That sounds arrogant and will make many people uncomfortable, but seeing yourself as at least on an equal status as the person you’re talking with is an essential key to self-confidence.

Harvey knows how to be alpha: he boldly tells people that.

“I’m not interested in great, I want to know who its Daddy is.” – Harvey Specter

There is no hint of doubt. No hint of shame. No hint of insecurity. The man proclaims what he thinks about himself, and doesn’t care if anyone is offended by it.

Harvey Specter has many sides to his character. He knows how to be charismatic and charming, but sometimes he decides to be an alpha and exudes confidence.

How other people see you is a reflection of how you see yourself. Click To Tweet

How do you want to be seen? If you see yourself as successful and influential, other people will see you that way, too.

Conversely, if you see yourself as a failure and weak, other people will……..

Improving any skill takes time and practice. And self-image is no different. Start working from the inside out, focusing on changing your way of thinking.

Confidence from the inside out

The goal is to develop a more positive self-concept for yourself. One without the internal barriers that can keep you from doing your best, while accepting yourself and seeing yourself honestly.

There are many ways to change negative thoughts and self-criticism to more positive. If this of interest read Self-esteem is about self-respect.

Once you have developed a self-image reminiscent of Harvey Specter, then you will foster a positive and realistic attitude toward the world around you. You appreciate your worth, while at the same time behave responsibly towards others.

Let’s apply this logic. You get invited to a work event. Excited at the prospect of the good food you are keen to attend. These events are always well catered.

“According to me is the only according to that matters.” – Harvey Specter

Then you find out you are sitting next to the CEO. Argh! You haven’t even met your head of department yet let alone the CEO. The anxiety kicks in days before the event.

Looking at what happened, if you think that someone is leagues above you, you are going to start feeling awkward and uncomfortable. And the other person will notice that.

Body language, style and confidence

In the very first episode, Harvey advises his protegé, Mike, to go to his tailor “….tell him I sent you and spend some money.” The advice is supported with, “People respond to how we dress.”

The car manufacturer, Kia, surveyed what makes people feel confident. In the top 10 list for men, were included: a new suit, a freshly shaved face, and a nice smelling aftershave. For women, it was: a little black dress, high heels, and designer perfume.

Your body language, style and the clothes you choose reflect and affect your confidence and mood. This phenomenon is termed ‘enclothed cognition’ and involves the physical experience of wearing clothes and their symbolic meaning.

Professor Karen Pine, of the University of Hertfordshire, “When we wear clothing we adopt some of the characteristics that are associated with it.”

WWHD? Get up, get dressed, and win each day. Harvey knows to feel more attractive, confident, and strong; you must change out of the casual duds and put on clothes that give you power.

“The better you dress, the worst you can behave” – Harvey Specter

There is a reason superheroes from Wonder Woman to Batman change clothes to assume their kick-butt persona.

When you watch the TV show, you will also see consistent traits in Harvey’s body language.

1. Holds strong eye contact

This is an excellent indicator of confidence. If this is something you struggle with try asking yourself, “What Would Harvey Do?” WWHD: hold direct eye contact for two seconds, then look at their nose for two seconds, their mouth for two seconds, and then their face as a whole for two seconds. Continue this rotation throughout your conversation. You are not looking directly at their eyes the whole time, but the other person won’t be able to tell.

2. Chin up with head upright

Confident people don’t look down at the table, the ground, or their feet. They are always looking up. WWHD: pretend that there’s a string attached to your head that pulls your chin up.

3. Stand up straight with shoulders back

Good posture projects confidence, authority, and poise, while slouching makes you look unprofessional and disinterested.
WWHD: roll both shoulders back allowing your upper body muscles to relax while maintaining firmness in your core to avoid looking tense.

4. Never fidgets

Fidgeting or putting your hands in your pockets are two ways to damage that otherwise confident appearance. When people are nervous, they tend to hide their hands. Who wants to send a message that they are uncomfortable or uncertain?
And crossing your arms has a similar adverse effect. It makes you appear closed off and unreceptive. WWHD: Make sure your hands are always visible, never hiding.

5. Talks with a smirk on his face

It’s imperative to be aware of your speech mannerisms and tone because people measure confidence in the way a person speaks. WWHD: Firstly, cut out words such as ‘um’ and ‘like. Practice being more articulate by speaking precisely and directly. Use inflexion to show enthusiasm and adopt a more confident, lower, more powerful voice by pressing down firmly on your abdominal muscles when you speak.

There you have it, the two factors (impactful body language and style and a tenacious belief in oneself), that built his immense, undeniable self-confidence.

What are your WWHD moments and how do you maintain your self-confidence? Drop a comment to let us know.

14 October, 2017
Professional Development
More

How To Start A Conversation And Keep It Interesting

If I can start by asking you a question: How many times have you been caught out, struggling to think of something to talk about during a conversation?

The time when you want to hold a conversation, but your brain just freezes. And instead, you end up with that long, awkward silence.

It happened to me far too often until I found a formula for great conversations. And I’m going to share with you four incredibly powerful themes that you can use to talk to just about anyone.

Learning and using these four themes will allow you to build rapport with just about anyone and will allow you to create long-lasting friendships.

A simple way to remember these four is an acronym called “FORD.”

So let’s jump right into it.

F stands for “family”

Our family are the first people we interact with and get to know. We hold a special place in our hearts for them for that reason.

Family are an essential element of most people's lives. Click To Tweet

“When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching – they are your family.” ― Jim Butcher

Studies find that when people share family-related matters with strangers, they feel significantly closer to them afterwards.

The challenge with speaking about family is that it can sometimes come off as intrusive if you ask someone about their family up front.

Ideally, you develop the conversation in a way so that the of the family theme seems to pop up naturally.

Giving you an example, you are in a small group of people holding idle chit-chat at a party. You notice there’s a very loud, outgoing guy on the dance floor.

Here is an example of how to go about doing this: Open the family theme by disclosing information about your family first.

You could say something like this: “That guy reminds me so much of my kid brother. He is never afraid to let loose and is always so full of life. I think that is just the way younger siblings are. Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

By making a comment like this, you direct the conversation towards family, and you also take the initiative to reveal or to open up first.

This gives them an opportunity to talk about their siblings without having to raise their guard.

If someone doesn’t have any siblings, you could ask something like “Do you ever wish you had a brother or sister?”

It is a smooth transition, and the conversation is re-directed towards family.

Conversational non-sequiturs

The second way to get someone talking about their family is by making assumptions about them. These are “non-sequiturs.”

Giving you an example, let’s say you meet someone new at your favourite coffee place. You can say, “Wow, you look like someone with lots of brothers and sisters.”

An assumption like this accomplishes two things:

The listener may want to correct your statement. They may come from a big family, and they go into details about it. Or they may not, and they start talking about it.
The listener becomes curious. They will ask, “Uhm… why do you think I come from a big family?”

O stands for “occupation”

It is estimated that 45% of our lives are spent at work. Whether it be at school, or on the job, it is undeniably a big part of our lives.

Talking about people’s occupation is one of the most common topics of conversation. It’s considered the surface-level conversation.

symphony of notes creating a inner conversation

“No occupation is considered superior since everyone is doing his best where he is.” – Sunday Adelaja

You may have heard lines like, “What do you do for a living?” Dozens of times before.

The key to success when talking about occupation is to not dwell on these surface-level questions and transition into a deeper conversation.

Giving you an example, you meet someone where you get your coffee each day, and you ask him what he does for a living.

He says, “I’m a schoolteacher.”

Interview mode

A lot of people fall into this trap; they go, “Okay, how old are the kids you teach?”
“Okay, what school do you teach at?”
“Okay, what subject do you teach?”

You just entered “interview mode.” It is uncomfortable for the listener when you ask question upon question. You make them feel awkward.

What you can do is to add a comment and a half-compliment before asking another question.

For example, he says, “I’m a teacher.”

“Really? As a teenager, I wanted to be a teacher. There is something about inspiring others that strikes me as very fulfilling.”

By saying something like this, you are adding what YOU feel about their occupation before grilling them with asking the next interview question.

This leads to significantly deeper conversations than, “Oh, what school do you work at?” would have.

Talking about occupation first is usually the safest bet when meeting someone for the first time.

Of the four FORD topics, occupation is discussed the most. And most people will feel extremely comfortable talking about it.

R stands for “recreation”

Who doesn’t have some sort of recreational activity? It could be an interest or a hobby, sometimes it’s just something that they are passionate about.

In a similar approach to occupation, you want to ask surface-level questions and introduce comments in between.

“Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.” – Bill Watterson

Asking, “What do you like to do?” is an easy way to lead a conversation into talking about recreation.

Everyone knows it is a cliche, but it works very well.

Recreation can sometimes be more challenging to talk about than occupation because you will meet someone who has a hobby you have very little knowledge about.

Firstly, stay calm and approach the conversation in the following manner: What makes this activity exciting for them?

Giving you an example, you meet someone who tells you they are into free-climbing. You have zero knowledge about it. Darn, heights scare you. Why do you want to free-climb?

You could say, “Oh, that is interesting, I’ve always thought free-climbing was a really cool sport. Why do you like it so much?”

Framing questions like this makes the other person feel they are being listened to.

The other person can explain to you why they enjoy their recreational activity as much as they do enabling them to get into the detail of why they like it.

D stands for “dreams”

It is the final theme, and it is the most compelling topic you can talk about.

Who does not have a dream? Everyone either has one they wish they could be pursuing or they are pursuing at present.

a hand holding a glass sphere that is reflecting the world we see

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

This theme has greater power nowadays because the average person does not get the opportunity to pursue their dream.

You may find the How To Pick Yourself Up After Rejection helpful too.

Society provides very little support for people to chase their dreams. “Get a regular job!” is a common instruction dreamers get told.

Everyone around us, including parents and friends, dissuade us from pursuing our passions.

This creates a rebound effect, if you show that you are supportive of their dreams, they appreciate you and think fondly of you.

Rapport

People are hesitant to open up about their dreams due to the negative comments they have received when sharing them in the past. That is why it is the last theme I like to bring up in conversation with someone.

You need to have built sufficient rapport and trust before leading the conversation towards dreams if you want to get sincere and meaningful responses.

Here are two ways redirect the conversation towards dreams:

First, quite often you get an idea of what a person’s dream is, by talking about their hobbies and interests.

Giving you an example, If they mention how passionate they are about painting, my conclusion is that they dream to become an artist. Take all the information you have and make an educated guess.

“Have you ever thought about becoming a professional artist?” Is a good question to ask if they like to paint.

And as you can see, this can easily lead to deeper conversation.

Second, talk about the bigger picture and as a consequence people open up about their dreams. But, what does that mean?

Well, sometimes I will be talking about work (occupation) with someone. They may express a note of frustration. Perhaps they don’t enjoy their job, or it is too routine for them.

I will say, “I feel like our lives have more meaning than just working 9-to-5.” Or I might ask, “Do you ever feel you were destined for something bigger than what you’re doing right now?”

Yes, it might sound cheesy, but it works. It works because it directs the conversation to dreams.

Bucket-List

If I am talking to people my age group and older I also like to ask what I call a bucket-list question. For example, “What’s something you want to do before you get older?”

You would be astounded at how many people in their 50’s and 60’s have dreams that were put on hold because of other commitments. And when you tap into their dreams watch them energise.

There you have it, these are the four themes that you can use to talk to anyone.

I learned these same four themes back in the day when I was in sales.

In those days, I had to build a significant amount of trust with strangers, and convince them to give me their personal details for credit checks and their credit card information for the actual purchase. All in under one hour.

So I can swear by these four themes.

The better rapport you build with people and the more friendships you develop the more opportunities that will appear. Let’s all learn to live an outstanding life.

Drop a comment below, and let me know how you keep conversations flowing.

2 October, 2017
Personal Development, Professional Development
More