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Harvey Specter and self-confidenceSo you can gain that Harvey Specter self-confidence for yourself, I will analyse his character and pinpoint exactly what makes him so confident. Have you ever heard Harvey apologise for who he is? Never. He has a healthy dose of self-confidence and never self-doubts - two things most of us could learn from him. When we see people like Harvey, we assume they were always confident. They were born like that. Really? So if you are not confident it is solely down to missing out on the genetic lottery? Here is the truth: [bctt tweet="A huge part of self-confidence is how YOU see YOURSELF." username="DBrettWilliams"] It is all about self-image.
Self-image and self-confidenceHarvey Specter sees himself as anyone's equal. Admittedly, he goes past this many times and believes he is better and more capable than anyone else. As a consequence of his self-belief, he is confident around anyone: his clients, his boss, his colleagues. Regardless of who he meets, he believes he is on an equal or higher plane than all of them. In his thinking, no person is better than him. That sounds arrogant and will make many people uncomfortable, but seeing yourself as at least on an equal status as the person you’re talking with is an essential key to self-confidence. Harvey knows how to be alpha: he boldly tells people that. [caption id="attachment_1612" align="aligncenter" width="401"] “I’m not interested in great, I want to know who its Daddy is." - Harvey Specter[/caption] There is no hint of doubt. No hint of shame. No hint of insecurity. The man proclaims what he thinks about himself, and doesn't care if anyone is offended by it. Harvey Specter has many sides to his character. He knows how to be charismatic and charming, but sometimes he decides to be an alpha and exudes confidence. [bctt tweet="How other people see you is a reflection of how you see yourself." username="DBrettWilliams"] How do you want to be seen? If you see yourself as successful and influential, other people will see you that way, too. Conversely, if you see yourself as a failure and weak, other people will........ Improving any skill takes time and practice. And self-image is no different. Start working from the inside out, focusing on changing your way of thinking.
Confidence from the inside outThe goal is to develop a more positive self-concept for yourself. One without the internal barriers that can keep you from doing your best, while accepting yourself and seeing yourself honestly. There are many ways to change negative thoughts and self-criticism to more positive. If this of interest read Self-esteem is about self-respect. Once you have developed a self-image reminiscent of Harvey Specter, then you will foster a positive and realistic attitude toward the world around you. You appreciate your worth, while at the same time behave responsibly towards others. Let's apply this logic. You get invited to a work event. Excited at the prospect of the good food you are keen to attend. These events are always well catered. [caption id="attachment_1607" align="aligncenter" width="401"] "According to me is the only according to that matters." - Harvey Specter[/caption] Then you find out you are sitting next to the CEO. Argh! You haven't even met your head of department yet let alone the CEO. The anxiety kicks in days before the event. Looking at what happened, if you think that someone is leagues above you, you are going to start feeling awkward and uncomfortable. And the other person will notice that.
Related Article: How To Recover From RejectionThe reason why that happens is that you let their perceived importance influence your perception of them. And, you give them a higher value than you should. The simple truth is, whether you are confident around someone is dependent on how you see your status compared to theirs. So, to act confidently in situations like these, you need to accept the fact that their job, looks or wealth have nothing to do with you. If you are high-worth, which you will be, you’re going to act confidently because these people are of similar worth. They are merely your peers.
Body language, style and confidenceIn the very first episode, Harvey advises his protegé, Mike, to go to his tailor "....tell him I sent you and spend some money." The advice is supported with, "People respond to how we dress." The car manufacturer, Kia, surveyed what makes people feel confident. In the top 10 list for men, were included: a new suit, a freshly shaved face, and a nice smelling aftershave. For women, it was: a little black dress, high heels, and designer perfume. Your body language, style and the clothes you choose reflect and affect your confidence and mood. This phenomenon is termed 'enclothed cognition' and involves the physical experience of wearing clothes and their symbolic meaning. Professor Karen Pine, of the University of Hertfordshire, “When we wear clothing we adopt some of the characteristics that are associated with it.” WWHD? Get up, get dressed, and win each day. Harvey knows to feel more attractive, confident, and strong; you must change out of the casual duds and put on clothes that give you power. [caption id="attachment_1609" align="aligncenter" width="399"] “The better you dress, the worst you can behave” - Harvey Specter[/caption] There is a reason superheroes from Wonder Woman to Batman change clothes to assume their kick-butt persona. When you watch the TV show, you will also see consistent traits in Harvey's body language.
1. Holds strong eye contactThis is an excellent indicator of confidence. If this is something you struggle with try asking yourself, "What Would Harvey Do?" WWHD: hold direct eye contact for two seconds, then look at their nose for two seconds, their mouth for two seconds, and then their face as a whole for two seconds. Continue this rotation throughout your conversation. You are not looking directly at their eyes the whole time, but the other person won't be able to tell.
2. Chin up with head uprightConfident people don't look down at the table, the ground, or their feet. They are always looking up. WWHD: pretend that there's a string attached to your head that pulls your chin up.
3. Stand up straight with shoulders backGood posture projects confidence, authority, and poise, while slouching makes you look unprofessional and disinterested. WWHD: roll both shoulders back allowing your upper body muscles to relax while maintaining firmness in your core to avoid looking tense.
4. Never fidgetsFidgeting or putting your hands in your pockets are two ways to damage that otherwise confident appearance. When people are nervous, they tend to hide their hands. Who wants to send a message that they are uncomfortable or uncertain? And crossing your arms has a similar adverse effect. It makes you appear closed off and unreceptive. WWHD: Make sure your hands are always visible, never hiding.
5. Talks with a smirk on his faceIt's imperative to be aware of your speech mannerisms and tone because people measure confidence in the way a person speaks. WWHD: Firstly, cut out words such as 'um' and 'like. Practice being more articulate by speaking precisely and directly. Use inflexion to show enthusiasm and adopt a more confident, lower, more powerful voice by pressing down firmly on your abdominal muscles when you speak. There you have it, the two factors (impactful body language and style and a tenacious belief in oneself), that built his immense, undeniable self-confidence. What are your WWHD moments and how do you maintain your self-confidence? Drop a comment to let us know.
Company cultureMany years ago I worked for an American company. I got to hear that there was no 'I' in team and other mantras. At the same time they treated employees as a commodity, behaving as if you were the lucky one and you should be grateful they gave you a job. The managers enjoyed their power trips, instituting company policies on the basis that you can’t trust employees. The thing that really annoyed me was when they came up with company rules. A few people were underperforming. So rather than deal with the few they made rules that affected everyone. That killed my motivation, and I realised I wanted a workplace that fostered learning and development. A company where managers feel that motivating their teams will bring positive results for the business. This post will provide tips to create a motivating work environment and offer a basic understanding of employee motivation. If you are curious how to increase your productivity you can find out here.
Every one is motivatedI said it earlier; everyone has something in their life that motivates them. Every person has some items or issues about which they feel motivated to take action in their life. They may revolve around work, recreation, family, or even food.
You can't motivate anyone else except youYou can't do it for them. There is no magic potion that you can give that will motivate them. We have to accept that we can’t motivate another person. What you can do is provide a work environment that supports employees choosing to become motivated about work issues. [bctt tweet="Your actions as a leader either encourage or discourage motivated behaviour." username="DBrettWilliams"] [caption id="attachment_1677" align="aligncenter" width="401"] "An employee's motivation is a direct result of the sum of interactions with his or her manager." - Bob Nelson[/caption] None of these actions and activities that provide a workplace environment that is supportive of motivating employees needs to be expensive. In fact, some don't cost anything.
Related Post: How To Find Inspiration With Four Simple ThoughtsWho doesn't like the flashy display of recognition from their company? I am happy for you to spend money on me, but the truth is that their impact on motivating employees is short term. And their importance fades in comparison to how people feel treated every day in the workplace.
Value your peopleWorkplaces, that treat people as valued team members, score higher in motivation. Creating this environment involves commitment and time from the managers. In a workplace that fosters employee motivation you find that trust, respect, listening and civil conversation prevail. You also find managers show genuine interest and caring in their team members.
Provide clear directionThe lack of clear direction is a demotivating factor for employees. Every team member wants to know what is expected of them. And how they are performing against these expectations. Without clear direction, they can't be productive. Providing clear direction makes motivating employees easier because together you have created a framework for their expected performance. Likewise, when you fail to provide prompt feedback to your people, you're depriving them of the opportunity to improve. It sounds easy, but it requires consistency. And some bosses just don't care. They are punching a clock, and all of this stuff about motivating employees is rubbish. In these cases, people do what I did, and they actively look for a new employer. My job that I told you about earlier, the money was excellent, and there wasn't any one event that prompted me to leave. A lot of little things added up and I realised I did not want to work there any longer. In fact, I took a lower paying job just to get away. People don't leave a job for something better; they go because of a negative influence in their existing job. And that was it for me too.
What works for one person might not work for anotherYou have done your research and found out what motivates one of your team members. Only to apply the same factors to their colleague and you discover it is not motivating for them. Employee motivation is a constant challenge. Research indicates happy employees are more productive. So logically, treat employees nicely and you will improve productivity. Not so simple, more is needed for a business to be successful.
Related Post: Get Wise: How To Make Better Decisions in 15 MinutesWho wouldn't love a workplace of happy employees? Unfortunately, it doesn’t guarantee delighted customers, quality products delivered on time, or profitability. And all three are essential to providing those happy employees with their wages. Factors such as critical feedback, demanding goals, and key performance indicators ensure the organisation’s success.
Ask employees what is motivating for themDo you know what motivates your team? An effective leader actively solicits information from their team. Employees know what demotivates them and what they find motivating. Chances are they will tell you if you ask. Giving you a hint: chances are, it's not just money! [caption id="attachment_1693" align="aligncenter" width="401"] "There are lots of lessons to learn from Amazon. Never stop innovating or questioning the fundamentals of your business. Continually motivate employees so that they never get too complacent - see Yahoo, AOL and many other Internet companies for evidence of what happens when they do." - Brad Stone[/caption] For example, many people are motivated by factors such as achievement, extra responsibility, praise, or a sense of camaraderie. When you ask be prepared to be tested. People judge people by what they do and by what they say. They key to being someone they trust is following through on the information you get. When you ask, they will expect to see something changed as a result of their answer. If it is not changing then tell them why.
Walk the talkRemember, your team is watching you all the time. How positive a role model are you for your team? That means I have to master my motivation if I want to influence theirs.
Related Post: Making A Great First ImpressionTo shape their behaviour, you must start with your own. Be consistent and chances are they'll follow suit and set an example for other team members.
It is their choice to be motivated at workRegardless of how supportive the company policies you institute are and how hard you try, there is a bottom line for motivating employees. It is their choice to be motivated at work. You can know everything about motivation and do it all, but at the end of the day, employees are ultimately responsible for motivating themselves. Motivating ourselves is such an important task to create success and live an outstanding life. I would love to find out what you do to motivate yourself and to help motivate others.
Portia Nelson, There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-DiscoveryHaving fallen into the same hole more times than I care to remember I decided to learn how wise people make decisions so I could stop making bad ones. On the surface, this sounds easy. But if I asked you to assess how wise a person was what qualities would you consider? A lot of people would suggest intelligence.
Does greater intelligence make you wise?I used to think that intelligence and wisdom went hand in hand. It just seemed that it should. People with IQ's so high that you are afraid to speak for fear of sounding dumb in front of them should also be wise. Come on, if they can explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity in minute detail - putting you to sleep in the process - then they should be able to come up with great suggestions when you ask them how to help a mutual friend that is struggling. But a wisdom question, like that, baffles them. My definition of wise changed. Now I think of wisdom as something that’s hard to define yet somehow I know it when I see it.
What does it take to develop wisdom?I used my science geek skills to look at a study by psychologists Paul Baltes and Ursula Staudinger. They asked a group of leading journalists to nominate public figures who they felt showed wisdom. This group was narrowed down to a smaller group of people who were widely viewed as possessing wisdom. This was a group of accomplished civic leaders, theologians, scientists, and cultural icons. These wise people got compared to a control group of professionals who were successful but not nominated as wise (these included lawyers, doctors, teachers, scientists, and managers).
Related Post: How To Find Inspiration With Four Simple ThoughtsBoth groups answered questions that gave them a chance to demonstrate their wisdom. For example, what advice would they give to a widowed mother facing a choice between shutting down her business and supporting her son and grandchildren? How would they respond to a call from a severely depressed friend? A panel of experts evaluated their answers, and the results reveal six insights about what differentiates the wise people from the rest of us.
Does age make you wiser?Afraid not! The people with the highest wisdom scores are just as likely to be 30 as 60. It turns out that the number of life experiences has little to do with the quality of those experiences. According to the data, between ages 25 to 75, the correlation between age and wisdom is zero. So, age and wisdom are independent of each other. Further research shows that intelligence only accounts for about 2% of the variance in wisdom. In other words, people with high IQ's who are great at processing complex information may struggle to find a sensible solution to a problem.
How do you see the world?Imagine meeting a 15-year-old girl who plans to get married next week. What would you tell her? Here’s a response that scored low in wisdom: “A 15-year-old girl wants to get married? No, no way, marrying at age 15 would be utterly wrong. One has to tell the girl that marriage is not possible. It would be irresponsible to support such an idea. No, this is just a crazy idea.” You may find Five Ways To Be Successful By The Founder Of McDonalds helpful too. In contrast, wise people embraced nuance and multiple perspectives. Consider one answer that received high marks for wisdom: “Well, on the surface, this seems like an easy problem. On average, marriage for 15-year-old girls is not a good thing. But there are situations where the average case does not fit. There is a chance that special life circumstances are involved. For example, the girl may have a terminal illness or has just lost her parents. And also, the girl may live in another culture or historical period. Perhaps she was raised with a value system different from ours. Also, one has to think about adequate ways of talking with the girl and to consider her emotional state.” Wise people specialise in what experts call integrative thinking - “the capacity to hold two diametrically opposing ideas in their heads”- and reconcile them for the situation at hand. [bctt tweet="To get wiser look at the world as not just black and white but as many shades of grey." username="DBrettWilliams"] Action Point: Before making a decision, ask yourself what the special circumstances that I am missing on first glance are?
Do others have to lose for me to win?If all I focus on and pursue are my gains, the only way that they will be achieved is at the expense of others. This ends up destroying relationships and reputations. As psychologist Robert Sternberg puts it: “wisdom and egocentricity are incompatible…people who have gotten where they are by not taking other people's interests into account or even by actively thwarting the interests of others…would not be viewed as wise.” This doesn’t mean that wise people are self-sacrificing. It’s neither healthy nor productive to be incredibly altruistic or incredibly selfish. Remember the onboard briefing that you get on a plane; people who fail to secure their oxygen masks before assisting others to end up running out of air. Action Point: Reject the mindset that the world is a win or lose place. Seek to find ways to benefit others that also advance your objectives.
Do you challenge the status quo?Instead of accepting things as they have always been, wise people are willing to question the rules. In Practical Wisdom, psychologist Barry Schwartz and political scientist Kenneth Sharpe describe a Philadelphia man convicted of holding up a taxi driver with a gun. The sentencing guidelines called for two to five years in jail, but the facts of the case didn’t fit: the man used a toy gun, it was his first offence, he had just lost his job, and he stole $50 to support his family. A wise judge gave him a shorter sentence and permission to hold a job outside of jail during the day so that he could take care of his family - and required him to repay the $50. Action Point: Before committing to a decision ask, is there a better way?
Is your focus on judging or understanding?This goes hand in hand with seeing the world in black and white or right and wrong. Many of us adopt the role of judge, jury and even executioner. We are passing judgment on the actions of others so that we can sort them into categories of right and wrong or good and bad. You may find the How To Be The Best Version Of Me helpful too. Psychologist Ellen Langer says “Behavior makes sense from the actors’ perspective, or else they wouldn’t do it.”
Putting it all together.Wisdom requires critical self-reflection and a long-term view. Wise people recognise that just as today’s cloud can have a silver lining tomorrow, tomorrow’s silver lining can become next week’s torment. However, there was a definite psychological benefit of wisdom: a stronger sense of purpose in life. This may involve putting what makes us happy on the back burner in our quest for meaning and significance
Procrastination stifles goals[bctt tweet="Procrastination kicks in when our goals are greater than our energy levels, our time and even sometimes, greater than our courage." username="DBrettWilliams"] When we look at something that seems insurmountable, it is easy to stuff everything back under the bed or into a closet and shut the door. Just close that door, again. [caption id="attachment_5093" align="aligncenter" width="400"] "Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases and its toll on success and happiness is heavy." - Wayne Gretzky[/caption] It’s the same way with pretty much everything we want to change in our lives. We imagine our ultimate end goal, running a marathon let's say. But when we see ourselves at the first mile, we are already exhausted by our thoughts and drowning in our stress sweat. It doesn’t have to be that way. Find out how to cure your procrastination HERE. The realisation that John Snow eating a rabbit in the woods and the Red Witch looking at herself in a mirror is a pathetic excuse for not doing what needs to be done hit me. Off goes Game Of Thrones and I started to deal with my mess piece by piece. This post has six pieces of advice to help you find the courage, motivation, momentum, support and perspective to leap into the unknown.
What is your motivation to changeWhen deciding to make a change, you must first identify and understand what you want to change. In essence, what are your reasons for making the change in the first place? Associate Professor Anthony Grant, from the University of Sydney, suggests you should start by identifying what is important to you. This means defining your core values. [caption id="attachment_5094" align="aligncenter" width="400"] "Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." - Barack Obama[/caption] Grant suggest you need to be able to identify what about your goal that makes you feel better and more expansive. What about your goal adds to you as a person? The logical premise is that when your core values and goal align, thinking of your goal will trigger a positive gut feeling.
Practice getting outside your comfort zoneI used to dread the uncertainty that comes with change. And that was one of the main reasons I used to avoid change. Because when you make a change, you don’t know what will happen.
Related Post: How To Become The Best Version Of You in 2018If we let this fear stop us, we may never create the opportunities to experience some of life’s most fulfilling experiences. A simple way I found to fight this fear is to practice doing more things that scare me. Think of it like exercise: when we do more things that scare us we are strengthening our emotional muscles.
Imagine how it will look after the changeFor many of us, the idea of making a change brings up feelings of fear and discomfort. It takes a lot of motivation to push past those emotional obstacles and keep going. In these moments, having a clear picture of how much better things will be on the other side can spur us on. Suggestion: Jump forward in time and imagine a day after you have reached your goal. Write down three ways that day will be awesome. Make it as sensory-rich as possible. Most of us respond well to visual stimulation so you might want to find a few images that represent how that day will be outstanding. For me, a song can make it more sensory-rich. Other people might associate a smell. The sweet smell of success. Do whatever makes it compelling for you.
Take one small step, and then anotherTaking action, however, small a step it is will boost your energy and optimism. Identify one small, manageable thing you can do today to move toward your goal. Then take action and do it. Take a moment to notice the positive feelings you experience when you take action on your behalf. Now take another small step forward. Before you know it, change starts to happen. As the saying from Lao Tzu goes, “Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." Contemplating the enormity of all that’s before you isn’t going to propel you forward. [caption id="attachment_1943" align="aligncenter" width="400"] "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." - Wayne Dyer[/caption] The primary motivator that leads us to keep on persevering is taking baby steps. When we look at the big picture, we can get overwhelmed with all the intricate stages involved in achieving that goal. Alternatively, try breaking the big picture goal down into manageable and systematic baby steps. And then work your butt off to achieve them. Celebrate and document your wins on a regular basis. I suggest you do it daily. The achievement of your baby step goals will help you achieve the change that you've been seeking.
Being in the momentThere is a saying from Karen Salmansohn that illustrates this point very well, "The grass is always greener on the other side - until you get there and see it's AstroTurf. Symbols are never reality. Someone might have amassed material success and fame, but that doesn't mean they're happy. So, don't go judging a person's life by the cover." How many of think that the grass is greener on the other side? Often, when we get to the other side, we find that this is not true. Our desire to be happy provides the motivation to change our lives. Too frequently, we are so busy focusing on our pursuit of happiness that we miss the joy of actually being in the moment. [bctt tweet="When we become consumed by all our challenges, problems and unhappiness in the present, we miss the precious beauty of being in the moment." username="DBrettWilliams"]
An attitude of gratitudeSitting on a bench eating an ice-cream or walking in a park with a friend is a moment of happiness. Appreciating and showing gratitude on a daily basis is experiencing happiness in the moment. This is what living our life in the moment is all about. Don’t miss these moments because you are too busy focusing on your pursuit of happiness. [caption id="attachment_5095" align="aligncenter" width="400"] "Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings." - William Arthur Ward[/caption] We all possess a tendency to resist change. But that doesn't have to be the case. Change is beneficial for us in both our personal and professional lives. It exposes us to new experiences and people and makes us more flexible and opens up the doors to more opportunities. Suggestion: Write down one thing that are committed to doing in the next week that scares you or at the least makes you feel uncomfortable. It can be rock-climbing, saying “no” to someone, or going out to a movie or dinner alone. And then do it again next month. And the month after that. Then you keep on until you embrace change and look forward to it. Now get out there and live an OUTSTANDING life.
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